Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-04 11:50:49 · 15 answers · asked by JESSICA S 2

It is not a "walk"
1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:49:59 · 37 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:46:59 · 25 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

riddle

2006-08-04 11:45:05 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:44:56 · 17 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:43:08 · 21 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

*riddle*

2006-08-04 11:42:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:41:30 · 3 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:40:45 · 12 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:40:03 · 21 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

riddle

2006-08-04 11:39:58 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:39:06 · 11 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

Silly milly likes
Restaurants, but not cafés
Candy, but not food
Strawberries, but not fruit
Pancakes, but not waffles
Being called awesome, but not perfect.
Everything, but not life
The beginning but not before
Cupcakes, but not muffins
When its over, but not after
Being hidden but not camouflaged
Protected, but not safe
y is this?

2006-08-04 11:38:38 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-04 11:37:39 · 40 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

Two mountain climbers are climbing a mountain in Scotland. They're really high up, right at cloud level, and they notice some eagles flying around. Now, one of the two guys has never seen a real live eagle before; so he gets very excited, and accidentally falls over a cliff (and drags the other guy with him, because they're roped together.) So, they fall down, and die instantly. Then, after a while, their souls start floating up towards Heaven. And on their way up, they see those same eagles again! So one of them says, "Ah!! Eagles!!!"

But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.

It's a thinker. More clever than funny.

2006-08-04 11:18:34 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who am I? I am sinuous, I have a thousand curves. I bring in me the flavor of the sin and the color of passion. My eyes are bathed for cold waters. I am serious and glad at the same time. I am free to go and to come, but I prefer stay to here. In me there are the romance of gone times and the love of come times. I have in me, the air of the old things and the new things. All the ones that come to me, love me and hate me. In my hands I have the truth and the clarity that guides you. I am high and I sight to all. I am of front for the world and coasts for same me. Who am I?

2006-08-04 11:10:40 · 14 answers · asked by Cabeça de Pudim 3

Three Aussies and three Kiwis are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England.

At the station, the three Kiwis each buy a ticket and watch as the three Aussies buy just one ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" Asks one of the Kiwis.

"Watch and learn," answers one of the Aussies.

They all board the train. The Kiwis take their respective seats but all three Aussies cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Kiwis see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game, they decide to copy the Aussies on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy a ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Kiwi.

"Watch and learn," answers an Aussie.

When they board the train the three Kiwis cram into a toilet and soon after the three Aussies cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Kiwis are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

2006-08-04 11:04:45 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Subject: Words Women Use

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes
is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing'
usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you
are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long
and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your
mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say
you're welcome.

WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

2006-08-04 11:00:36 · 11 answers · asked by christine 3

KXZ NTFD VSTPV TPQ XF SKQ XLSVBUQ XI SKQ NTCBE VKXJ BF FQXJBT EQFSPTW?

2006-08-04 11:00:23 · 6 answers · asked by Sakura X 2

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2006-08-04 10:56:48 · 13 answers · asked by Joan 1

A group of business professionals enjoyed happy
hours a couple days a week in an upscale bar in
the financial district. One of them had a secret
ambition to become a magician. No one would take
him seriously and would poke fun at him, "how's
your magic coming?" "I'm working on some things"
would be his confident reply. Suddenly the
wanna-be magician doesn't show for happy hour.
And again and again he didn't show. This began to
worry his friends so they agreed to go look for
him if he misses the next one. Several days later
they were just about to look for their missing
friend when in he walks to the bar. "What, been
busy with your magic?" they teased. To their
astonishment, the guy pulls a miniature man out
of his pocket and puts it onthe table. "Wow,
that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen, I
can patent that" says the lawyer. That wasn't
all. The magician next pulls out a tiny piano and
the miniature manstarted playing the miniature
piano. "You will make millions and I will handle
your estate" says the accountant. The magician
says "but, you guys were right, I'm not so good
at magic after all." "What?" wonders his amazed
friends, "you've done the best magic in history
and you think you are not a good magician"?
"Well," says he says, "you have to be very
careful how you ENUNCIATE." "Why?" the crowd
asks. The magician responds, "do you really think
I tried to conjure a 10 inch pianist?"

2006-08-04 10:54:02 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do these famous men have in common?

Charles Lindbergh, Mel Brooks, Ronald Reagan, Jerry Stiller, and William Shakespeare?

2006-08-04 10:52:36 · 8 answers · asked by jvsconsulting 4

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending: $65.00 on make-up, $150 for a cut & color, $30 for a manicure, $40 for a pedicure, $50 on vitamins, $300 on clothes and $600 for a gym membership.

I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed it to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

2006-08-04 10:48:44 · 11 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "
Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?


Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

2006-08-04 10:46:02 · 4 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

Hint:Think very hard.It has something to do with a game that most people play at birthday parties and such.

2006-08-04 10:41:15 · 3 answers · asked by Emielia P 2

ya know when b4 u do her you shave your pubes put them in a dixie cup on the side of the bed, then you nut all over her face and take the cup of pubes and throw that in her face then leave.

2006-08-04 10:30:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

chuck norris always knows the exact location of carmen san diego

chuck norris is the reason waldo's hiding

while ure at it give me some more chuck norris jokes
p.s. ive heard alot of them

2006-08-04 10:27:56 · 6 answers · asked by brent9406 2

If a wood cuck could chuck wood???

2006-08-04 10:12:55 · 25 answers · asked by Drea 2

???

2006-08-04 10:11:00 · 17 answers · asked by Drea 2

Pull the Plug

While watching sports the other night, a man and his wife were discussing life and death.
He told his wife, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and relying on fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, Just pull the plug."
His wife promptly got up, unplugged the t.v and threw out all of his beer.
"Some days I hate being married to a smart b****!" the man said.

2006-08-04 09:59:23 · 19 answers · asked by Redbuddafly 2