Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-04 19:23:03 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 19:15:03 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 19:13:01 · 20 answers · asked by Laura B 4

2006-08-04 18:48:35 · 22 answers · asked by teetalla 1

i have two american coins that equal 30 cents and one of them is not a nickel....wat is the coin

2006-08-04 18:47:53 · 10 answers · asked by Honey Brown Eyes 1

2006-08-04 18:47:27 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need to know this. it's driving me crazy!!!

2006-08-04 18:46:47 · 7 answers · asked by erica131313 1

I'm good with blonde jokes, but I'm always looking for more. Best joke gets 10 points!!!!!!!!

2006-08-04 18:45:02 · 11 answers · asked by Sir Nigel 6

it's just a joke.

2006-08-04 18:25:37 · 10 answers · asked by christine 1

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.

"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "YOU F*CK ING AS*HOLE....IT'S TEN PAST THREE IN THE MORNING!"

2006-08-04 18:25:24 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

2006-08-04 18:24:24 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 18:16:19 · 5 answers · asked by MISS RM 1

2006-08-04 18:15:28 · 15 answers · asked by Ernestina V 2

2006-08-04 18:14:38 · 6 answers · asked by MISS RM 1

What goes up, but at the same time goes down, up to the sky and down to the ground, my present tense and my past tense too, lets go for a ride just me and you...what am i? points for the right answer...

2006-08-04 18:06:28 · 14 answers · asked by LMJ 1

Tell me a funny story! Here is the catch.. it has to be TRUE! Funniest gets 10pts!

2006-08-04 18:05:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ill give 10 points to the person who answers this riddle -CORRECTLY- RIDDLE: What is BLACK when you buy it, RED when you use it, and GRAY when you throw it out?...CORRECT ANSWER GETS 10!! BIG ONES

2006-08-04 17:57:35 · 13 answers · asked by LMJ 1

You see me everywhere,you use me everyday but you cant touch all of me.

2006-08-04 17:55:00 · 22 answers · asked by Simpleguy 1

How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?

2006-08-04 17:54:51 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-08-04 17:53:29 · 10 answers · asked by M E 5

2006-08-04 17:52:22 · 5 answers · asked by M E 5

2006-08-04 17:44:50 · 20 answers · asked by OoH La La 1

A bite from this can make you itch,
make you sneeze and make you twitch.

2006-08-04 17:41:31 · 21 answers · asked by Simpleguy 1

Heading into the jungle on his first safari, the man was confident he could handle any emergency. He sidled up to the experienced native guide and said smugly, " I know that carrying a torch will keep lions away."
"True", the guide replied. "But it depends on how fast you carry the torch."


lol

2006-08-04 17:31:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Len always has it before. Paul takes it behind. Bryan has never had it. Girls can have it only once. Boys dont need it. Mrs. Mulligan, the widow, has it twice in succession. Dr. Lowell of Harvard has it twice as bad at the end as at the beginning. What is it?

2006-08-04 17:29:49 · 18 answers · asked by Jacob B 2

Why dont women need skis?
-Because there is no snow between the kitchen and the laundry room
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
-Trick question...feminists can't change anything

2006-08-04 17:21:12 · 11 answers · asked by mvp 3

One day, an explorer was captured by native warriors and taken to their chieftain, a gigantic man with teeth filed to dagger-like points. Desperately, the explorer tried to think of a way to save himself. He pulled out his cigarette lighter, held it in front of the chief's face and lit it, exclaiming, "Look! Magic!"
The chief's eyes were huge in astonishment. "It certainly must be magic," he said. " I have never seen a lighter light on the first try!"

2006-08-04 17:07:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lets see how smart people really are!

2006-08-04 17:02:39 · 40 answers · asked by Jacob B 2

A woman turns 50 and decides to get a new car, and some plastic surgery done for her birthday. After 2 months of recovery so goes to the mall and buys some new clothes. Then she goes to McDonalds for lunch and is curious to see how old people think she is. She goes table to table asking people how old she is and they all guess in her 20 or 30's. She is felling very happy and decides to go home and make love to her husband. She hasn't picked up her new car and her old car isn't running so she goes to the bus stop. While waiting for the bus she asks the man next to her how old he think's she is. He tells her he a sophisticated way of knowing but he must make love to her to find out, and she is very curious to see if he guesses right so she takes him to a hotel and they make love. After they leave and return to the bus stop he says that she is exactly 50 years and 2 months old. How did the man figure out her age?

2006-08-04 16:57:54 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cattle rancher has 300' of fence to make a corral. One side butts up against a canyon wall, so he doesn't need fence along the wall. He also has only 4 posts to attach fence cable to. What is maximum area (to nearest square foot) he can achieve for his corral?

2006-08-04 16:50:14 · 11 answers · asked by Jacob B 2