Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-04 01:52:21 · 12 answers · asked by lillynolilly 2

first correct answer - scream real loud

2006-08-04 01:48:44 · 5 answers · asked by Funnyaccountant 4

a grandfather and grandson are on a fishing boat and the grandfather pulls out some beer and the little kid says "can i have some beer" and the grandpa said "can ure wee wee touch ue bum" "no" said the boy "then u cant have any said grandpa a lil while later grandpa pulls out some cigars and the boy says can i have one" so grandpa says "can ure wee wee touch ure bum" no said the boy "well then u cant have any" after the fishing trip they were driving home and stoped at a conveinence store the little boy picked out a lottery ticket and grandpa bought it then they got home the lotto came on and the boy WON. then grandpa said hey ure gunna share some of that money with old grandpa right? then the boy said "can ure wee wee touch ure bum"grandpa said "of course!" then the boy said "then go **** ureself"

2006-08-04 01:38:24 · 25 answers · asked by brent9406 2

i need some really good jokes tell me loads pleaseeeeee best one get 10 points

2006-08-04 01:37:09 · 11 answers · asked by liam_jones_10_10 2

2006-08-04 01:30:17 · 14 answers · asked by Tom 2

A dozen royals gathered round
Entertained by two who clown
Each kings there had servants ten
Though none of them were also men
The lowest servant sometimes might
Defeat the king in a fair fight
A weapon stout , a priceless jewel
The beat of life , a farmers tool

What are we talking about
10 points to the first correct answer

2006-08-04 01:28:34 · 10 answers · asked by robppc20022002 2

CRACK!!!

2006-08-04 01:10:53 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 00:58:56 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child was home alone with her 3-year old daughter Katelyn. When Heidi started going into labor, she called "911." Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again!"

2006-08-04 00:43:40 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

do u people have some hilarious one liners its for a game, plz nothing dirty.

2006-08-04 00:21:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 00:09:12 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Its friday and im bored at work! tell me a joke or something.
Hey it gets you 2 points and makes me smile so we are all good!

2006-08-04 00:07:46 · 22 answers · asked by princesssp8 4

Man ask hooker how much? She then replies,: Its $50 on bed ,$20 on sofa, and $10 on grass." then he hands her $50, ohh!! she says "so you are a man of class" then he replies "man of class my *ss "i want it 5 times on the grass."

2006-08-03 23:58:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man suits for hours looking at his marriage certificate. Then comes up his wife and ask him (What are you starring at?) and the man answers: "I'm looking for the expiry date."

2006-08-03 23:51:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know this is stupid but...

Two snowmen were talking and one said "Hang on a minute, can you smell carrots?"

2006-08-03 23:50:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The hospital decided to transfer a few of retarded people to another hospital in a helicopter.
So the retarded people went inside the helicopter and away
they flew.
while flying up in the sky, the retarded people were playin and makin lots of noise,
and the pilot was so annoyed.
So he turned back and noticed a guy was sitting alone and quite,
the pilot said to him "why r u not playing with ur friends?"
the guy said "They r not my friends, they r retarded and I'm not"
the pilot was amazed, so he said to him,
"if u can make them quite I will set u free, ok"
the guy replied "Ok, no problem"
so a few minutes the pilot couldn't hear any noise,
so he looked back and found no one but the guy,
the pilot said
"where r the retarded people?"
the guy answered
"ooh I just opened the door, and told them to play outside"

2006-08-03 23:39:01 · 16 answers · asked by Pinky 5

tell me when is your month and date of your birth day
if any ones matches with mine get ten points

2006-08-03 23:24:10 · 33 answers · asked by Riya 4

tell me when is your mont and date of your birth day
if any ones matches with mine get ten points

2006-08-03 23:23:38 · 11 answers · asked by Riya 4

two friends were talking to each rahul and raju
rahul{asks his friend}do you bath every day ???
raju{answers}no!
rahul :yuk then from today onwards i am not your friend then
raju :listen !wait !wait!i bath every night only

2006-08-03 23:09:13 · 21 answers · asked by Riya 4

doggone!

2006-08-03 22:55:41 · 5 answers · asked by ixat02 2

I'm inda bored, can u make me laugh?

2006-08-03 22:35:33 · 16 answers · asked by a V a 4

Warm and Moist
MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

Trix are for Kids
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

2006-08-03 22:27:00 · 10 answers · asked by Nasta 2

Three Girls in the Desert

A blonde, brunette and redhead are

in a desert.



The brunette says, "I brought some water so we

don't get dehydrated."



The redhead says, "I brought some

suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned." Then the blonde

says I brought a car door." The other girls said, "Why did you

bring that?"



Then the blonde says, "So I can roll down the

window if it gets hot."

2006-08-03 22:26:51 · 12 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

...a year's supply of tough, sparkling, unused needles in glittering Taiwanese steel?

2006-08-03 22:26:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 22:24:32 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

2006-08-03 22:23:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What happens only in the middle of each month, in all seasons, except summer and happens only in the night, never in the day?

2006-08-03 22:15:58 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Engineering In Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Grass Eater
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

2006-08-03 22:15:24 · 7 answers · asked by Nasta 2

What's my favourite food?!

2006-08-03 21:59:57 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?"

The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.

Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!

2006-08-03 21:56:40 · 6 answers · asked by gogobanca 4