Help i need a laugh make me giggle!?

Question

Its friday and im bored at work! tell me a joke or something.
Hey it gets you 2 points and makes me smile so we are all good!

Answer 1

look ith the mirror giggling yet

Answer 2

hope this helps u.....
check it out...

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

"I don't wanna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"

Answer 3

Two men are playing a round of golf when one suddenly sees a funeral procession passing by. He stops playing, takes off his cap and stands quietly, with his head bowed until the procession has passed by, His playing partner says: "Wow. it was very moving to see you being so respectful." To which the other man replied: "Well it only seems right. After all we were married for over 30 years."

Answer 4

why student fail?
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.

Typical academic year for a student:

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days. Days left 81.

7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.

10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday.


How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!
why student fail?
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.

Typical academic year for a student:

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days. Days left 81.

7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.

10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday.


How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0

'How can a student pass ??' !!!!
Balance = 0

'How can a student pass ??'

Answer 5

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Answer 6

A man goes to his Doctor saying he has a sore throat. The Doctor looks in the man's mouth and says "a little raw". The man goes "roar".

hahaha

Answer 7

hiya...to tell the trusth few yrs back in school..i would tell a joke of my own with my friends ..but nobody gets it and just stares at the person who told it coz duh..i was the person and i was laughing so much that i used to cry......!!!:P

the rest are wndering what on earths happening to me....gosh i must have been using sme laughing gas maybe......in sme way..huh??

have a nice week end....

TC

Answer 8

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 9

Why do elephants have Big Ears?

Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom...

Answer 10

I have decided I do not get hot flushes anymore,
I beleive it is my inner child playing with matches !!!