Tell me the lamest and coldest joke u know! I won't hate u for that...?

Question

I'm inda bored, can u make me laugh?

Answer 1

An Italian, a Frenchman and an American were on a flight across the Atlantic. The Italian says, "I made love to my girlfriend 3 times last night and in the morning she said that I'm the best lover in all of Italy!"
The Frenchman says, "Big deal! I made love to my girlfriend 5 times last night and in the morning she said that I'm the best lover in all the world!"
They both look at the American and the Frenchman says, "What about you?"
The American says, "I made love to my girlfriend once last night."
They both snicker and the Frenchman says, "And what did she say to you in the morning?"
The American replies, "Don't stop!"

Answer 2

Here are some li'l rib ticklers...

• Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

• There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it

• The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: Everything
and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"

• A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

• Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

• Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thruogh hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

• Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

• What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each other!

Answer 3

Nice Results 10/10 WQ: Melina Promo: Cliff I like that fact that you called me a Legend, You know many people are shocked that I came to EWF, Many people know I'm only 'extreme' when I want to take out my opponent. So many people ask me, Why PHBK? Why EWF? Well simply, I think that I need to find my Hardcore Roots. I want to punish people. And Well, Looks like we have an upcoming Elimination Chamber, in My history, I've only been in One Elimination Chamber back in SPW. I manged to last to the final 3. The match is no doubt brutal, hense why I have only been in one. That match undoubtebly took years off of my career. But it was worth it, To try to win at least, while I didnt win, Now In this upcoming one I KNOW how to get the job done. Whether I'm in there first or last, I will complete my quest and Win. Now tonight I beat a long time friend, Dark Demon, but in the Elimination Chamber Match we have, Demon, Risky Business, Queen Cliff, Mr. Blood and of course myself... I don't expect the fans to like me, or for that case anyone to like me. I don't expect to get pushed based on my career, I plan on being pushed by doing what I do best. Going out there and Winning. I dominate everywhere I go and EWF is another chapter to my legacy. First we have Demon, to me he' is the Biggest challenge in this match, Each time I face the man he pulls out something new. Next we have Risky Business, like Demon he's probably the biggest challenge, Physically at least.. Next is Queen Cliff, Cliff I'll tell you that you are determined to become the Champion, but Determination can only take you so far, Last and Least is Mr. Blood, well actually I have no idea who this guy is.. What I'm trying to say to everyone here in EWF is that PHBK has Arrived, EWF will never be the same again, Once I make my mark here in EWF you all will forever remember the day PHBK, ONCE AGAIN, Entered a Fed, and Walked Out Champion.... EWF I only have this question to ask you... The Phenomenal Era is upon the horizon in EWF.... and are you ready to witness Revolution?

Answer 4

I have a few

What's the difference between women and volcanos?
Volcanos don't fake eruptions!

A little girl accidentlly sees her dad in the shower and shes's curious and asks whats his balls are those are the apples of the tree of life impressed she repeats this to her mum who adds did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging on.

Little Tommy who lives on a farm runs indoors "Mummy the bulls bonking the cow!" "No Tommy you must be polite n say the bull's surprising the cow." Later Tommy runs in again: "Mummy Mummy the bulls surprising all the cows." "No Tommy the bull can't surprise all the cows!" "Yes he can" says Tommy "He's bonking the horse!"

Answer 5

Adam & Eve


In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.

In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's.

As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.

At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.

And wonder came,
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
Started to rise.

They found a spot,
That suited them best,
A nice big tree,
Where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.

The head of Adam's thing,
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.

Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
Was all wet inside.

The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.

Then down through the years,
People did screw,
And now it is time,
For me and you.

So pull down your pants,
And lay in the grass,
Cause I'm in the mood,
For a piece of that A.S.S!

Answer 6

a man walks in to a bar with a lump of concrete
says to th bartender
a pint for me and 1 for the road

Answer 7

Q) Why did the girl cross the playground? A) To get to the other slide

Answer 8

i got a dirty joke a horse fell into the mud what do you cut the sea with ...a see-saw. how many Ethiopians can you get in a bath tub...0 they keep falling down the drain

Answer 9

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 10

Q: What's the difference between a terrorist and a bucket of Sh*t?.
A: The bucket.