Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

What is happen 5? to how is my cow? why are there? people do not or they will? can you find the must have? if a chicken had lips could it whistle? the person who answers these random questions the bestest gets to have some points. so ha.

2006-08-03 17:08:27 · 9 answers · asked by littlechikita 1

A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock....

2006-08-03 17:01:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 16:52:12 · 6 answers · asked by eric i 1

I keep seeing the question spit or swallow? If the answer is "spit" what do you do with it?

2006-08-03 16:43:08 · 35 answers · asked by spackler 6

What thing was the baker making that gave him away for a crime that was committed not too far away from his shop?

2006-08-03 16:37:13 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Critiquing poets makes you a poet in the same way going to a Mexican Restaurant makes you a fugging taco!

If you marry for love, your condition can be cured. So it's smarter to marry for money, as long as you remember the first rule: Get the money up front because rich people never play with last year's model.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-03 16:33:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 16:25:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you stuidy long you stuidy wrong

2006-08-03 16:05:10 · 22 answers · asked by woamngirlboy 1

2006-08-03 15:43:26 · 13 answers · asked by Blim 5

Im thinking of a number between 1 and 20 first to guess it gets the points!Quick now ha ha!

2006-08-03 15:33:31 · 33 answers · asked by antomadden 2

Once there was were three guys that were standing at the top of a bilding. One had a knife, another had a brick, and the last one had a bomb. The first one dropped the knive off the building and then he went down and saw a little kid that was crying. He asked him why he was crying and the little boy said, "Somebody dropped a knife off the building and hurt my dog."

The next guy dropped the brick off the building then went down and saw a little girl crying. He asked the little girl why she was crying and she said, "Somebody dropped a brick and hurt my mom!"

The last guy dropped the bomb and then went down and saw an old lady laghing. He asked her why she was laghing and she said, "I farted and the house blew up!"

2006-08-03 15:31:52 · 16 answers · asked by Rajesh K 2

2006-08-03 15:29:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 15:22:51 · 9 answers · asked by hthrgyrl 1

there is three guy's in a bordelo . one is going up the stairs --- one is coming down the stairs----- one in the room ------now what country are they from --- hint --the one going up the stairs is russian

2006-08-03 15:20:52 · 5 answers · asked by vinel10 4

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."

The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

2006-08-03 15:11:29 · 17 answers · asked by Rajesh K 2

2006-08-03 15:09:17 · 15 answers · asked by ... 3

2006-08-03 15:01:06 · 6 answers · asked by ? 6

she walked by and farted in my face. I'm going to kick her assss

2006-08-03 15:00:05 · 29 answers · asked by bhcky79 3

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the fugging others!

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines... and when we're "in line," .... we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, . all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could!" Muaaa-ha-ha-ha-haha!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-03 14:45:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 cups of coffee, 2 bran muffins, and stuck in heavy traffic!!!!

2006-08-03 14:25:23 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:
- Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
- Did you dance much?
- I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."

2006-08-03 14:22:46 · 20 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

lookin for a good laugh so make me laugh

xoxoxoxo

2006-08-03 14:19:55 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

then when did he create hell?

2006-08-03 14:17:43 · 8 answers · asked by gggg 2

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"

HUSBAND: "I guess so."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - - silence - - - -

HUSBAND: "Sh* t"

2006-08-03 14:16:56 · 11 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

Complete the following sentence with the same "7 letters" in sequence in each blank space - The ______ doctor was ______ to perform because he had ______. ......... good luck!!!

2006-08-03 14:13:52 · 12 answers · asked by CJ 2

I bolted mine down so it could run in place.

2006-08-03 14:12:56 · 9 answers · asked by JBWPLGCSE 5

In your opinion, How might you distinguise a witty person from a non witty person?

2006-08-03 13:38:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes.

When he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper, so he used his hand.
In his haste to get back to class he forgot to wash, so he made a closed fist to hide it.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?
The boy said, "A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
Again the little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was then sent home and his mom asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
So again the little boy said,"A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he will get scared away."
Then his mom got really mad and yelled, "Open Your Hand NOW!"
The little boy opened his hand and said, "That's great Mom.
Now look what you did - you scared the **** out of him!"

2006-08-03 13:28:36 · 33 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

Grass Eaters
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food,"the poor man replied.
"Oh please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!"the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said,"Sir you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied,"No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall."

2006-08-03 13:14:47 · 25 answers · asked by Redbuddafly 2

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks,"What is politics?"Dad says, "Well let me try to explain it this way.I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism.Mommy is the administrator of the money so we'll call her the government.We're here to take care of your needs so we'll call you the people.The nanny is the working class and your baby brother is the future.Now go think about this and see if it makes sense.So the little boy goes to bed thinking about what his dad said.Later that night he hears his brother crying and runs to his room to find his diapers are very spoiled.So he goes to his parents room, mom is sound asleep.So he goes to the nanny's room and the door is locked he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.The next morning,the little boy says to his father,"I understand what politics is now."Well,while Capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep,the people are being ignored and the future is in deep sh**

2006-08-03 13:02:54 · 12 answers · asked by Redbuddafly 2