Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-03 12:55:55 · 33 answers · asked by keely 1

Does anyone have any good insulting jokes? It doesn't matter if they are racist. Actually, it would make them funnier if they are racist.

2006-08-03 12:55:33 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man's cousin had just been checked into an insane asylum, Wanting more information on this, the man went to the asylum and asked the receptionist at the front desk:
"How do you determine whether or not a person is really insane?" The receptinist then says, "We fill a bathtub full of water and set a bucket, a mug and teaspoon by the tub. We then ask the person to empty the tub."
"Oh, I see," says the man, "A normal person would ___ ___ ______."
"__," says the receptionist, "_ ______ ______ _____ ____ ___ ____! Would you like _ ____ ____ _ ______?"

2006-08-03 12:48:39 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I bought some neopolitan ice cream and me and my girlfreind ate all the strawberrie/vanilla ice cream so she came back and ate the chocklate out of duty,she didnt want to be an ice cream rascist.

2006-08-03 12:43:59 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!

He asked how much He owed, but Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor?" Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor."

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.

A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past the Finkelstein shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein robes.

He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted Him he said: "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business! Would you consider a partnership?"

"Certainly," replied Jesus. "Jesus & Finkelstein it is."

"Oh, no, no," said Finkelstein. "Finkelstein & Jesus." After all, I am the craftsman."

The two of them debated this for some time. Their discussion was long and spirited but ultimately fruitful, and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.

A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's shop.

LORD & TAYLOR

2006-08-03 12:37:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a new virus: code name is "work." If you receive "work," from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or any where else, do not touch "work" under any circumstances!!

This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with this virus, put on your jacket and take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub. Order three beers and after repeating 14 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life. This virus is deadly. Please pay close attention to it and take heed.

2006-08-03 12:32:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Filipino Racial Jokes 1: Fist Full of Lumpia?
The teacher turns to the class and says, "Today, we will use these three words in a sentence. Defense, detail, and defeat. Tom, why don't you go first?"

Tom, a white kid, goes first.

Tom says, "Ahh, the football team's defense was detailed in the paper which caused the defeat of the other team." (The narrator's tone is slang-American when saying this sentence.)

The teacher turns to Chang, a Chinese boy, and says, "How about you Chang?"

Chang says, (narrator uses a Chinese accent), "the Defense Department gave details of the defeat of the guerrillas."

"That's very good Chang, now what about you, Bong-Bong?" says the teacher. "Use defense, detail, and defeat in a sentence."

Bong-Bong, the Filipino boy, doesn't want to do it. (Accent of narrator becomes heavily influenced by Ilocano or Tagalog accent).

"Ma'am, ay don't know how to use it," says Bong-Bong.

"Come on, just try," says the teacher.

"Okay, ma'am," says Bong-Bong. "Ahhhh...dah black dog...jumped ober (over pronounced with "b" sound) dah fence ("dah" instead of the sound "the"), dah tail first and den, dah feet."

Additional Details

5 hours ago
There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying, "You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put your right feet in...."

Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot.'"

So the teacher said, "You 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."

5 hours ago
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF Manila IS ATTACKED?
By: DarkNinja



After the tragedy in New York and Washington the question arises:

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF Manila IS ATTACKED?

Well ... if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Manila, we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks.

We do not have tall buildings. The only large structure that can be seen from above is the Marcos monument in Ilocos and terrorists are welcome to target that.
We all get on the job late in the morning specially government employees, so at 8:45 there won't be sufficient people to kill (well, not even at 10 am!).
Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them.
The national airline would surely have fouled up the terrorists plans by being delayed again or crash before even getting to the target due to mechanical troubles.

5 hours ago
A Pinoy would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it over the head.
If a terrorist was living for one year in Manila he would've been robbed and molested so many times he would've given up and gone back to his home country a long time ago.
In Manila, the terrorists would not have gotten the flight manual, they would've had to pay for it.
You see... in Manila we are well prepared

2006-08-03 12:28:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 12:20:23 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are shipwrecked on an island inhabited by two tribes. One tribe always tells the truth, the other tribe always lies. You need to find your way to the truthtellers village. You meet a tribe member - you don't know which tribe he belongs to. In seeking directions, what question do you ask and what do you do when he replies?

2006-08-03 12:17:49 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is looking at a picture and he says:

"Brothers and sisters have I none
But that man's father is my father's son"

Who is in the picture?

2006-08-03 12:02:09 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

What weighs more a pound of feathers or a pound of rocks?

2006-08-03 11:53:29 · 12 answers · asked by Tanyah 3

Say this phrase out loud and fast to a friend see what they do. " I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID "

2006-08-03 11:36:26 · 21 answers · asked by Cpn Ron 2

say this outloud next to someone and tell me their response:(warning don't say next to someone that will get you in trouble)
I am we Todd did
I am we Todd did
I am sofa king
we Todd did

2006-08-03 11:25:30 · 13 answers · asked by alice.adelaide 2

Get ya asss up and play some football with me you sissies..

Why are girls so soft?

Muwhahahahaha.

Just kidding y'all the best and I can't live without you.

I'd french kiss all of you if I could.

2006-08-03 11:23:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 10:47:45 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 10:40:06 · 12 answers · asked by diamondchichan 2

2006-08-03 10:35:13 · 16 answers · asked by Vendetta 2

all you have to do is make me laugh

2006-08-03 10:28:10 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are on a island in the middle of a lake holding a 5 pound ball. You drob the ball into the water. How will it sink faster, in 22 degrees Celsius, or 28 degrees Fahrenheit?

First one to answer correctly gets 10 points.

2006-08-03 10:26:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 pnts 4 best

2006-08-03 10:15:44 · 12 answers · asked by looneytoon387 2

You are in one room, with TEN lights. Your friend is in another room with ONE lamp. You are not aloud to speak to eachother before the expirement, and the rooms are far away so you can't yell at eachother.

Good Luck.

Your job is to figure out which light turns on the lamp. You have to fiddle around with the lights, and then call your friend with a telephone and ask ONLY ONE QUESTION!. The answer he/she gives you should answer which switch turns on the lamp.

You have to figure out what you have to do with the lights, and then figure out your one question.

You only have one question, so use it wisely.

First one to answer the riddle correctly, gets the 10 points.

2006-08-03 10:14:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-03 10:13:48 · 12 answers · asked by pinkgonepunk14 1

what neither force nor strenght can get you through, I with a simple touch can do. And many in the street would stand if not for me, like a friend in hand.

2006-08-03 10:10:00 · 7 answers · asked by need ta know 1

I was asked this question and I don't understand it

2006-08-03 10:08:23 · 16 answers · asked by Cris 1

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any fugging failure!

One's not enough and three's too many.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-03 10:06:28 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

With me being just a little bit paddy meself, come on let's hear yr best.

2006-08-03 10:03:35 · 6 answers · asked by mizzsquitz 3

A bus full of nuns die in a crash and go to heaven.At the gates St.Peter asks the 1st nun "have you ever had contact with a penis?".She replies I touched one once with my finger.St.Peter says dip it in holy water;he then asks the second nun the same question;"I fondled one she replies";go dip your hand in holy water he says.Suddenly there is a commotion from the back of the que and a nun has pushed her way to the front.St.Peter asks "whatever is wrong sister". She says well if im going to gargle that holy water I want to do it before St.Ann sticks her bum in it !

2006-08-03 10:03:22 · 12 answers · asked by any 4

two fathers and two sons went fishing together and they each of them caught one fish and there's three fish all together...how can it be? let's see if anyone can solve this......

2006-08-03 09:49:39 · 26 answers · asked by hi 3

2006-08-03 09:48:24 · 5 answers · asked by Giggly Giraffe 7

2006-08-03 09:46:39 · 28 answers · asked by slocklin0931 2