want 10 points?

Question

all you have to do is make me laugh

Answer 1

TRUE STORY!

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Answer 2

A Horse, a Chicken & the Harley



On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!



Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.



Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!



Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.



A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.



The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.



The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!) ... scroll down ...





























"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"

Answer 3

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''

Answer 4

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill.
Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed
a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and
passionate love.
In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was
bearing down on them.
He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way,so
he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck.He
looked down at the two, still in the road,
and yelled, "What's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me
blowing the horn? You could have been killed!"
Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied
and not too concerned and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming,
and you were coming; You were the only one with brakes!!!!!

Answer 5

this is called six bad days.............................. 1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.


2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.


3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came
down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.


4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...


6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now! Your day's not so bad, is it?

Answer 6

a road sign 4 wut's ahead that has alot of curves and zigzags for no reason along with an ant, snake, and mouse crossing. below it all it says "good luck"

The statue of liberty flicking ppl off

sports announcers drawing circles on football players and telling the other announcer that player will be MVP or sumthing like that.

I came up with these by myself, and I know they're lame, so noone steal them.

Answer 7

A man and his wife went out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversery . After they got home the husband asked for some oral gratification as he had been asking for 50 years . Finally on this special occasion she decided to grant his wish and quickly finished him off. She then stepped into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee when she heard her husband yell out , Hey c**ksuck*r fetch me a beer .

Answer 8

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks a student:

"Michael, if u were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how
would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

"Just a minute I have to pee."

"That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

"I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right
back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word 'bathroom'
at the dinner table."

"And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once
and show us your good manners?"

"Yes. I would say, Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I
have to go and shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope
you'll get to meet after supper."

The teacher fainted!

Answer 9

Stupid Quotes.....

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
there?"
- Driver school applicant
don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to."
- Linda Evangelista, Supermodel
"SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident."
- Sign on backseat of Taxi
If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Terry Venables

Answer 10

Three Beers
That oughta do it!!

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Bob.

Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred bucks a visit? Not me. I told my story to a bartender and he cured me after 3 beers.

"Is that so? How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
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