Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-12 23:46:35 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

the class and proceeded to tell everyone. johnny said i saw a man fall from an airplane and he fell on his butt. Teacher told johnny we don't say butt we say rectum. To this johnny replied rectum hell damn near killed him.

2006-07-12 23:39:27 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you call a black guy covered with acne?



A: Nestle Crunch Bar

A rich iraqi, a poor iraqi, and Santa Clause..jumps off a building..who hit ground first?

old....but im just bored


A: The poor iraqi...the other 2 doesn't exist.

What do you throw to an Iraqi if he's drowning?

A: his wife and kids...lol harsh..i know

2006-07-12 23:37:16 · 11 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

A monkey walks into a bar and the bartender goes ape.Remember anyone.

2006-07-12 23:36:29 · 7 answers · asked by Stan & Ollie 1

if you answer this a certain way it determines wether ur a psychopath or not, this lady goes to her mothers funeral and meets this guy and they hit it off but she doesnt get a chance to get his number, a week later she kills her sister, why did she kill her sister?

2006-07-12 23:21:03 · 8 answers · asked by Lakia S 1

Two Mexicans, Jaun and Jimmy ( i know Jimmy isn't a spanish name..but didn't feel like thinking) are on a roof laying tile. The ladder suddenly feel down because of a gust of win that blew by.

"I have an idea," said Jaun. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

"What, do you think im stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down the beam of light."

"What, do you think im stupid? You'll just turn it off the flashlight when im halfway there."

blonde and brunette...could of probaly fit in there...instead of mexicans...but oh well.

This one is pretty....simple...

Two Arabs were in the middle of the desert. When on of them gets somethign blown in his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, "hold still, Abdul, it might be sand."

A Mexican and a black man jumps off a building...who lands first?

The Mexican because the black man had to stop on the way down to spray paint the wall.

2006-07-12 23:04:33 · 10 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

=> http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm

2006-07-12 23:03:02 · 10 answers · asked by Ryukin 1

2006-07-12 22:57:21 · 14 answers · asked by aakash s 1

one day mom had to do a haemorrhoids operation..the next day her neighbours, looking concerned, came to the house and asked how she is...
"we saw an ambulance at your home last night...is ll ok?"
"oh yes..nothing serious..Fran had to do some operation up her a$s!!" replied dad. at this, his son, Tommy looked at him dumbfounded...
"dad...please don't say that about mom..be decent! you can say 'Rectum'"
...
that same day another group of neighbours came by
"Oh, how's Fran? is she alright? we saw an ambulance and..."
" oh she's ok...a small thing, she did an operation up her....." at this he rememberedTommy's advise, but forgot the word...
"hey, Tommy....what did you say your mom's a$s was called?"

2006-07-12 22:53:19 · 13 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

say bobs bug busters 10 really really fast

2006-07-12 22:43:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

a little bug is trying to climb a 10m height stick. one day it can climb 2 m, but after a night sleep it fall 1 m. so it take how many days to climb to the top?

2006-07-12 22:35:21 · 10 answers · asked by Luck charge 4

...And so Adam & Eve were standing there...butt naked looking at each other not knowing what to do. Suddenly Eve decided to touch Adam's penis, out of sheer curiousity. At this Adam drew a big smile on his face and clearly showed signs of pleasure...so much that his penis started growing and growing...astonished Adam looked at it in disbelief and started panicking!!!
"Stand aside, woman...God knows where this thing is going!!!"

2006-07-12 22:33:45 · 10 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Tom and his wife Susan never got on in their latter years and when Tom died after a long illness, Susan put an announcement in the newspaper stating that he died of gonorrhoea. As soon as Tom’s sister read the paper, she phoned Susan. You know perfectly well that Tom died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea.
Susan replied, Of course I know he died of diarrhoea – after all, who was it nursed himnight and day? Nevertheless, I thought my announcement would be a better way for people to remember him - as a great lover rather than the big sh*t he was.

2006-07-12 22:24:16 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

An American, a Mexican, and a Russian was stranded out in the middle of the sea in a boat. The Russian picked up a Vodka bottle..chugged two-thirds of it and threw it overboard into the water. The American and the Mexican screamed, "Why did you do that"?, "we could of used that". The Russian replies, "Don't worry, we have plenty of that in Russia, when we are rescued, we can have all the Vodka we want." After hearing this the Mexican pulls out a huge joint, puffs and tosses it too overboard into the water. He gets the same reaction from the other two. He replies, "Don't worry we have more than enough smoke to go around in Mexico."
After several minutes, the American picks up the Mexican and throws him overboard. "Dont worry we have plenty of those where i come from too."






and yes this is a joke

2006-07-12 22:14:19 · 15 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

Rover drover with a bone of his own, is this true?

2006-07-12 22:08:14 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 3 women who escape form a jail. a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They see 3 potato sacks on the edge of the road, and each jumps in one to hide from the police. 2 officers see the sacks "lets check these sacks" the first one says. he kicks the redhead's sack, "Meow!" she says "nothing but a cat in this one then he kicks the brunette's, "Woof!" she says, "Nothing but a dog in this one! he kick's the blonde's sack "Po-ta-to!"

2006-07-12 22:07:10 · 10 answers · asked by angelic_beauty 3

He laid her on the table
so white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast
and then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide... he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.


now how hard was it to keep your mind out of the gutter? ♥♥♥

2006-07-12 22:01:23 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A man was marrying his perfect woman. She was perfect in every way except she had a sister that always hit on him when ever no one was looking. A couple weeks before the wedding the sister invited him over to the house to go over some last minute wedding info. When he got there she started feeling him up,"I need to have you just once before you commit to my sister," she said. He was dumbfounded. She said"I am going up stairs and getting naked, if you want me come get me,"and she through her panties at him for emphasis. He ran out the front door. To his suprise there was his future fatherinlaw standing by his car saying what a wonderful guy he is and that he passed the family test.
MORAL TO THE STORY: ALWAYS LEAVE YOUR CONDOMS IN THE CAR!!!!!

2006-07-12 21:59:50 · 10 answers · asked by simplyfabulous 4

a man walks into bar and orders 7 beers. The bartender asks whats to celebrate?. The man says "First blowwjob". The bartender syas " make it 8 then, one on the house". The man replies, "If 7 beers don't get the taste out, nothing will."

2006-07-12 21:58:27 · 9 answers · asked by angelic_beauty 3

must have a good punch line

2006-07-12 21:17:36 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous

Susan had a tiring day at office and is now on her way home to Hendon. She gets on a tube train at Bank station and, as usual, is dismayed to find it packed. Everyone is squashed together like sardines. But this time, things get worse. During the next 10 minutes, she becomes more and more aware of the man standing behind her - so much so that when the train reaches Euston, she turns to him and without attracting other passenger’s attention and said, I can feel something hard rubbing against my backside. Please remove it. The man quietly replies, There’s no need to get panicky. I got paid today and what you feel is a roll of £50 notes in my pocket.
So are you telling me that between Bank and Euston your salary doubled? asked Susan.

2006-07-12 21:16:22 · 15 answers · asked by Pd 6

Husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was
reading
the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, "Here is a great sale on
tires!"
His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car."
He says, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?"


hehe it made me chuckle

2006-07-12 21:14:02 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, What's wrong with you? Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, What will a woman like this cost? God replied, An arm and a leg. Then Adam asked, What can I get for a rib?

2006-07-12 21:07:58 · 30 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-07-12 21:04:10 · 13 answers · asked by col 1

Please no one take offense to this, it is a santa claus joke.... Santa claus was sitting on the witness stand and he knew he was in trouble when the prosecutor said, "But sir isn't it true that you pointed to the victim and hollered not once but three times, ho ho ho?"

2006-07-12 21:03:15 · 12 answers · asked by simplyfabulous 4

2006-07-12 21:00:58 · 17 answers · asked by gordon-21up 2

Phil visits his doctor after weeks of not feeling well.
“I have bad news,” says the doctor. “You don’t have long to live.”
“How long have I got?” asks a distraught Phil.
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten? Ten what? Months? Days?
The doctor interrupts, “Nine…”

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, “My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?”
A soothing voice at the other end says, “Don’t worry, I can help. First let’s make sure he’s really dead.”
After a brief silence the operator hears a shot ring out. Then Joe comes back to the phone. “Okay,” he says nervously to the operator. “What do I do next?”

Conducting a study of sexual behavior, a researcher poses this question to an older Air Force pilot: “When did you last make love?”
“Nineteen fifty-nine,” he answers.
“That’s an awfully long time,” she says.
“I suppose,” says the pilot, glancing at his watch. “But it’s only twenty-one fifteen now.”

2006-07-12 20:51:35 · 9 answers · asked by pureessence 2

Do you know any funny answering machine messages?

2006-07-12 20:39:43 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

Mr. Smith says, "What do you mean?"

The receptionist replies, "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife."

Mr Smith exclaims, "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"

The receptionist calmly replies, "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't go to bed with her."

From a joke website

2006-07-12 20:23:36 · 28 answers · asked by pureessence 2

2006-07-12 20:16:55 · 19 answers · asked by say 2