Please no one take offense to this, it is a santa claus joke.... Santa claus was sitting on the witness stand and he knew he was in trouble when the prosecutor said, "But sir isn't it true that you pointed to the victim and hollered not once but three times, ho ho ho?"
2006-07-12 21:03:15 · 12 answers · asked by simplyfabulous 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
2006-07-13 19:18:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hum mm, some naughty old guy wearing a red female type dress we have here. And I bet that mother who is telling her daughter how to get jewelry's I bet that she is the ho ho ho In that Santa joke.
2006-07-13 04:10:12 · answer #2 · answered by anguir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A PUSH
This guys in bed with his wife when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. He thinks about getting the door for a moment and rolls back over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and this guy is standing outside.
"Hey," says the stranger, "can you give us a push?"
"No, go to hell! It's half past three. I was in bed sound asleep," says the man and shuts the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, you are such a ****!! Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to go to hell? You should be ashamed!!"
So after that tongue-lashing, he gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey fella, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah please, man."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
The guy replies, "I'm over here on the swings!"
-----------------------------
THE WIDOW
Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her.
"Is there anything he needs?" the distraught woman asked, between tears.
The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes."
"I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them?"
"No," replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches."
------------------------------
WEDDING VOWS
During the weeks before Amy's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine.
"All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the aisle. The groom and best man will be waiting before the altar. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a hymn... then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong."
The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear.
When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"
2006-07-13 04:28:34 · answer #3 · answered by pureessence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One afternoon, a little girl returned home from school and announced that a friend had told her where babies come from.
Amused, her mother replied, "Why don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well, mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing stands up, and then the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."
Her mother shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye-to-eye and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies...
"That's how you get jewelry."
LOL
2006-07-13 04:08:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How dare you accuse Santa of name calling?
2006-07-13 05:09:47 · answer #5 · answered by police 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Twins born in Sardarjee's house -
All night he could not sleep thinking who is the father of the second child ?
...... bolo tararara!!!!!
2006-07-13 04:10:20 · answer #6 · answered by shrruti v pillai 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try my QA there are more than 5 open jokes
2006-07-13 04:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by Pd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
2006-07-13 04:29:52 · answer #8 · answered by ramesh_thiru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a good listener
2006-07-13 04:57:03 · answer #9 · answered by nimesh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh funny but kinda corny.. lol
2006-07-13 04:06:09 · answer #10 · answered by Confused 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋