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2006-07-12 23:46:35 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

11 answers

Little Johnny's teacher was explaining to the class how humans are the only animals on the planet that stutter. Little Johnny stood up & said "That's not true". The teacher said she knew this as fact, but asked Little Johnny to explain his reason for disagreeing. Little Johnny said, "The other day I was on the front porch with my cat, and the neighbor's dog came up on the porch to get him. My cat said 'f-f-f-f-f, f-f-f-f-f, f-f-f-f-f!", but before he could say 'F*CK', the dog ate him!"

On the first day of school after summer vacation, the teacher asked the kids to stand & tell a story of something interesting that happened to them during summer break. She had heard of Little Johnny & tried to extend the story telling to the end of the day in hopes that time would run out before she had to call on him. Ten minutes to 3, she was forced to call on him. Little Johnny stood up & said, "One day, my dog was chasing a rabbit in the yard. The rabbit started running around a tree. My dog chased that rabbit 'round & 'round the tree. All of sudden, my dog just STOPPED! That rabbit ran right up my dog's a**!" "Rectum, Johnny, RECTUM!", yelled the teacher. "recked 'em, hell! It killed 'em BOTH!"

2006-07-13 01:52:33 · answer #1 · answered by himalayaplaya69 2 · 13 5

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street, then a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved - that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton. "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Little Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss"

:)

2006-07-13 07:15:37 · answer #2 · answered by Purplgirl 5 · 0 0

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with, "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill." "Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home." The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you." Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy." "Very good," says the teacher, "you may go." Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnie said, "I wish those girls would just shut up." Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnnie instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

2006-07-13 07:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by me 3 · 0 0

Little Johnny was asked to explain his drawing of the picture of an old man driving a limousine with two passengers in the back, one female and the other male (school homework, to draw anything biblical), and he replied "that's God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden".

2006-07-13 07:06:33 · answer #4 · answered by police 6 · 0 0

Want to hear a clean joke... Johnny took a bath with bubbles.

Want to hear a dirty joke... Bubbles was the girl next door.

2006-07-13 08:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by lexie 6 · 0 0

Who is the Prime Minister of Australia?
....... Lexie ........ the joke is "Johnnie used to blow bubbles in the bath. Bubbles has now been released from prison and looking for Johnnie"

2006-07-13 08:10:16 · answer #6 · answered by clarence 3 · 0 0

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

__._,_.___

2006-07-13 08:08:41 · answer #7 · answered by Prince Charmant! 6 · 0 0

the teacher wanted all her students to draw something. so dey started off. after a while the teacher asked little johnny 'what are u drawing?' he said im drawin jesus. the teacher said 'but no one knows how jesus looked' little johnny : 'they will wen i finish this picture'

2006-07-13 06:55:26 · answer #8 · answered by ▲▼ßððĝiз▼▲ 4 · 0 0

the teacher was showing the class an experiment.
there was two glass in front of him.
one with water and one with wine.
he dropped a worm in both glass.
the worm in water swim merrily
the worm in the wine coil uneasily and died on the spot.
"so what do u conclude" ask the teacher
LITTLE JOHNNY who was at the back raised his hand and say
"DRINK WINE AND WE WILL NOT GET WORM"

2006-07-13 06:53:47 · answer #9 · answered by serial kisser 2 · 0 0

one day johnny was on his way to school and saw an accident later when he got to school.

the class and proceeded to tell everyone. johnny said i saw a man fall from an airplane and he fell on his butt. Teacher told johnny we don't say butt we say rectum. To this johnny replied rectum hell damn near killed him.

2006-07-13 07:12:58 · answer #10 · answered by mirchi girl 3 · 0 0

Q: what do you do when you see LITTLE JOHNNY having a seizure in the bathtub??

A: throw in a load of laundry

2006-07-13 06:51:00 · answer #11 · answered by conflict_management 2 · 0 0

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