Jokes & Riddles - September 2007

THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY
CLASS GETS UP, MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION & SITS DOWN.
>
> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS & ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE
THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS & THAT SHE'LL HAVE TO
SIT IN THE ECONOMY SECTION, FARTHER BACK IN THE PLANE.
>
> THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON
AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
>
> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT & TELLS THE PILOT AND
CO-PILOT THAT THERE'S A BLONDE SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY & WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
>
> THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE & TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT
BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE & RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M
STAYING RIGHT HERE."
>
> THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE
POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN
TO REASON.
>
> THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M
MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND
WHISPERS IN HER EAR. SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." SHE GETS UP & GOES BACK
TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
>
> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID
TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
>
> I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON.

2007-09-08 09:30:55 · 8 answers · asked by cmwest12 2

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.

She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?

She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing.

To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."

2007-09-08 09:30:00 · 23 answers · asked by MYKLIA G 5

There were 3 friends stranded on an island : a blonde, a brunettte, and a red head. One of them found a magic lamp, rubbed it, and a geni appearred. he said " i will give you each one wish" so the red head wished that she was back home. the brunette wished that she was back with her family. and the blonde said, " I wish my friends were here ! " and the brunette and red head appered back on the island. :)

2007-09-08 09:21:41 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

These three guys die in a car wreck, and they all go to Hell. When they arrive, the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was. The first guy says “It’s gotta be the booze, I’m always drunk “ The Devil decides to lock him in this room for 100 years with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol you could dream of. The guy’s thinking, “Yeah! Look at all this alcohol!” and runs into the room.
The second guy says, “It’s the women I could never stay faithful to my wife.” The devil opens the second door and nothing but the finest-looking naked women that you have ever seen And, he would be the only guy in there for 100 years. He couldn’t believe it. He goes in and the Devil shuts the door.
The third man said “It’s gotta be the weed, I’m always tokin’ up” The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10-foot tall, icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death weed. The stoner can’t believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian style

2007-09-08 09:02:18 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students
might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season
emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the
birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked
his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"
Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and
answered, "He's in my heart." and Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted
out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
Ths whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a
response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this and Robert
said, "Well.....every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door,
and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

2007-09-08 09:00:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Islam is completely incompatible with western values that we have fought and died for.
I am against mass immigration and mulitculturalism but I have nothing against people from a different race.
It is because of multiculturalism and PC we have the problems we have and more PC is brought in to try and stop it, which doesnt work. I have seen the problems in Iraq and it is a clear indication of the Incompatibility of the Islam and western values, and do you really want that here in Britain?
When people dont take time to listen to both sides of the argument it just makes them moonstruck fools and narrow minded. You must be open to debate as it makes you an fool if you are not!
you may think this is racist but it isnt there is a difference between racism and being against multi-culturalism. Because wouldn't you say those islamic protesters who shout behead all those insult islam, that is racism.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=J1qmFEujEtk
This is BNP based but please be open to debate

2007-09-08 08:13:42 · 39 answers · asked by falconson5000 3

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

2007-09-08 08:11:54 · 17 answers · asked by D 2

see, i know a few, like lol, omg, thanx, omfg, rogl...etc...
any how, i want to know some more, help please help =)

2007-09-08 06:12:32 · 6 answers · asked by ALEXwing.naruto 2

Roses are red
Violets are Blue
Im an elephant, your an ant
Whoops!! i just sat on you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I heard you had trouble zipping your mouth
Heres a suggestion, why dont you try glue

2007-09-08 04:09:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST,

I CANNOT SEE, I CANNOT P*E

I CANNOT CHEW, I CANNOT SCR*W

MY MEMORY SHRINKS, MY HEARING STINKS,

NO SENSE OF SMELL, I LOOK LIKE H*LL,

MY BODY'S DROOPING, GOT TROUBLE PO*PING.

THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST,

THE GOLDEN YEARS CAN KISS MY A*S

2007-09-08 04:05:47 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ****, it's Tony Blair!"

2007-09-07 22:45:23 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a spelling checker
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.

(Or may bee knot) ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

2007-09-07 22:15:16 · 26 answers · asked by JillPinky 7

There were once three people who were one boat in a small river. their names were "somebody", "nobody", and "fool". while going half way through...somebody and nobody picked up a fight..and so somebody killed nobody.....fool got scared and he jumped out of the boat and went to the police who were close and said "police police!...somebody killed nobody...pls do something..he is on the boat over in the river..come quick and we can catch him...and the police said "what?? u are saying somebody killed nobody??? are u a fool man??" and then he goes...yes sir i am a fool!!

2007-09-07 21:42:30 · 11 answers · asked by Praveen S 2

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.



HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.



TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN

10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.

2007-09-07 21:32:48 · 12 answers · asked by Conan 3

1- dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.
2-one tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor
3- atheism is a non-prophet organization
4- if man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5- the main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
6- i went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman," wheres the self help section?" she said if she told me, then it would defeat the purpose
7- could it be that all those trick or treaters wearing sheets arent going as ghosts but mattresses?
8- if a mute swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9- if a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him.....is he still wrong?
10- if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill hisself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11- is there another word for synonym?
12- isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"
to be continued

2007-09-07 21:25:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

They run upstairs and go into the host's room. He is lying on the floor screaming in pain. They help him to the bed and asked What were those sounds? He said click was when I turned out the lights, pitter patter pitter patter is when I tip toed across the cold floor , swoosh is when I lept into the air and ARGGHHHH is when I hung my nad sack on the bed post.

2007-09-07 21:09:03 · 2 answers · asked by citizenvnfla 4

Subject: How to be annoying

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.
5. Sing along at the opera.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and "cc."them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. don t use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
30. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
33. Tell your friends 4 days prior that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood
34. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send things like this.

2007-09-07 21:08:13 · 21 answers · asked by pheonix140180 3

WHAT A PERFECT WOMAN WOULD SAY.........

1. I'll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my p@#$%!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is nude sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
16. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother did a great job raising you.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
21. Not the king mall again!, come on let's go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. That was a great fart! Do another one!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya...

2007-09-07 21:04:43 · 21 answers · asked by pheonix140180 3

so there is this black guy righ and every time someone asked him what his name was and he said (im da black mutha f!cka from down ill kick your a-s-s from street) so one day he got hit buy a bus and he went to heave and when he got there he was standing at the gate and god said introduce yourself and he said (im da black mutha f!cka from down ill kick your a-s-s from street) so god sent him down under an then satin (rebuke him in the name of jesus) told him 2 introduce hisself and he said (im da black mutha f!cka from down ill kick your a-s-s from street) then satin (rebuke him in the name of jesus) said (oh ya well im the red mutha f!cka from down below ill burn your a-s-s from head to toe

2007-09-07 20:13:17 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was driving home late one afternoon above the speed limit. He noticed a police car with its red lights in his rearview mirror. He thought, "I can outrun this guy," so he floored it and the race was on. The cars were racing down the highway at 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passed 100, the guy figured, "What the heck," and gave up. He pulled over to the curb. The police officer got out of his cruiser and approached the car.

He leaned down and said, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rearview mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"

The officer let him go.

2007-09-07 20:07:12 · 12 answers · asked by bert 2

who lives on cherry lane?

2007-09-07 19:35:45 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn’t sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can’t believe that he’s seeing what he’s seeing.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times you’ve sneezed, and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! Are you trying to drive me crazy?”
“I’m sorry to have disturbed you, sir,” she replies. “I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”
The man, now feeling badly, says, “Oh, I’m sorry. What are you taking for it?”
The woman looks at him with a coy smile and says, “Pepper.”

2007-09-07 19:31:32 · 17 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (looking about 75 years old) pulls up next
to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money, "says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right ... but I'll stick with my moped!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 20 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!!!! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped. Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosh! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers with his dying breath, "Unhook...my suspenders from your side-view mirror."

2007-09-07 19:28:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde, a redhead, and a bruneette is stuck on an island. The brunette says, "thats it im going to try to swim the 20 miles to America. She goes 10 miles and drowns. THe redhead does the same. she goes 15 miles and drowns. the blonde tries it. She goes 19 miles, says I cant make it, and swims back.

2007-09-07 17:44:34 · 8 answers · asked by Creepy Man2 4

one was a salted

2007-09-07 17:44:18 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

does it take to screw in a light bulb?



three
one to screw it in
two to hear him brag about screwing something.

2007-09-07 17:23:13 · 4 answers · asked by bee 3

Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and placed this blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.

The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Mitchell bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. Mitchell was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the last rites."

2007-09-07 17:20:59 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Cowboy meets an Indian herding sheep in the Black Hills.

Cowboy: "Nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian.)

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian.)

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me brushes me down often, and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."

Indian: (Look of total amazement)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep lie."

2007-09-07 17:16:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane.

The stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power, when you don't know s-h-i-t?"

2007-09-07 17:14:42 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional
extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from
Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of
woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

2007-09-07 16:47:15 · 12 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6