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Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

[Selected]: All categories Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

I want to be water drip sound..soft yet intimidating...

2007-01-18 17:14:04 · 30 answers · asked by Ulez 2

my dishy dish hit your dishy dish can your dishy dish hit my dishy dish as my dishy dish hit your dishy
say it 10 times but fast...................can you make it?

2007-01-18 17:10:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

An excited man calls the fire department and says, "Help me, my house is on fire!!"

The fireman says, "Where do you live?"

The man replies, "I am too excited, I can't tell you the exact address."

The fireman asks, "How do you expect us to get there?"

The man replies, "What do you mean 'how'? The big red truck."

2007-01-18 17:09:28 · 18 answers · asked by heartspiritdivine 3

I WANT MORE HINDI AND URDU SMS AND MESSAGES CONTAINING SEXI AND NAUGHTY MESSAGES.

2007-01-18 17:08:17 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 17:01:40 · 5 answers · asked by lovj 2

There are ten very important men in a woman's life. They are:

Her Doctor; he says, "Take your clothes off."
Her Dentist; he says, "Open wide."
Her Veterinarian; he says, "And how is your little pussy doing today?"
Her Gardener; he says, "Do you want me to mulch your bush?"
Her Hairdresser; he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
Her Interior Decorator; he says, "You'll like it once it's in."
Her Hunter; he goes deep into the bush, shoots several times, and always eats what he shoots.
Her Remodeler; he says, "It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering."
Her Milkman; he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
Her Banker; he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

2007-01-18 17:01:29 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need a funny answer,when i laugh i will give the ten points!!go on!

2007-01-18 16:57:04 · 6 answers · asked by donia f 4

A tree hugger walks into a truck stop and sits down at the counter. This guy has long dreadlocks, a wool hat, hemp shirt, turquoise beads, Birkenstocks, scruffy beard, the whole package. An old grizzled trucker gets up, and sits down next to the hippie. After several minutes of uncomfortable silence withthe old timer staring at the kid, the kid says, "Excuse me, sir, can I help you?"
The old guy says, "No offense, kid. Its just that I served 10 years in San Quentin for f*cking a buffalo, and I was thinkin' maybe you was my son."

2007-01-18 16:54:39 · 5 answers · asked by nyninchdick 6

anyone have any Snape jokes. good ones.

2007-01-18 16:54:25 · 6 answers · asked by tonks_op 7

So there's this girl who loves jelly beans. She'll do nearly any thing for jelly beans. One day, the boys give her fifty jelly beans for climbing the flagpole. She runs home and brags to her mother. The mother says, "Don't do that. They just want to see your underwear."

The next day, the boys give her one hundred jelly beans for climbing the flagpole. She runs home and brags to her mother. The mother says, "Don't do that. They just want to see your underwear."

The next day, the boys give her two hundred fifty jelly beans for climbing the flagpole. She runs home and brags to her mother. The mother says, "Don't do that. They just want to see your underwear."

The girl's reply,























"But I fooled them today, Mama! I wore no underwear!"

2007-01-18 16:49:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 16:46:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

I don't know, but I'll bet its a hell of a bricklayer.

2007-01-18 16:41:03 · 6 answers · asked by nyninchdick 6

...but he has a problem with winking. Every few seconds, he can't help but wink erratically. So at the job interview, the interviewer says, "You are very certified for the job, but you have a severe winking problem that we think may deter our clients."

"Oh, it's okay, sir," the guy says, "I have pills that I can take and totally get rid of the winking!"

"Really?" the interviewer says. "May I see?"

"Sure."

So he opens his briefcase and suddenly, condoms began pouring out of it. "Um, sir," the interviewer asked, "may I ask what you are doing with all these condoms?"

"Oh, right," the guy says. "Have you ever gone to a pharmacy winking and ask if your prescription has arrived yet?"

2007-01-18 16:35:54 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 16:24:42 · 8 answers · asked by Cookie Monster 5

...and asks him, "Father, how did I get my name?"

The chief said, "As is custom, when you were born, the first thing I saw would be your name, so your name is Purple Flowers."

The chief's second child, his daughter, runs up to him and asks, "Father, how did I get my name?"

The chief again said, "As is custom, when you were born, the first thing I saw would be your name, so your name is Flowing Grass."

The chief's third child went up to him and said, "Father, how did I get my name?"

The chief, once again, said, "As is custom, when you were born, the first thing I saw would be your name.

"Why do you ask, Humping Dogs?"

2007-01-18 16:21:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1.
-how was the circus....??
-DID u saw that man enters his head to the lion's mouth??
-yes, which one was the worst...?
-there was a fool(!) who could not throw all those knives to that woman!
2.
2 lazy dude is sitting under a tree....!
-there's a snake on ur leg.
-which leg?
3.
-ha ha ha ha....
-hey, why r u laughing....?
-dentist picked up my tooth.
-so?
-that stupid dentist DIDN'T picked up the rotten TOOTH, instead, he picked up another one....
4.
-hey, check it out....this NEW HEARING AID IMPROVED MY HEARING....
-wow, how much did it cost?
-oh, it's 10 o' clock!
5.
-where DID u both go last night in the full moon?
-in the jungle.
-wow that's ROMANTIC...
-no FOOL, there is no toilet in the camp, so......
6.
-judge:1 year in jail or 500 dollar, which one do u want?
-thief: gimme the money, i am broke..!
7.
-mom, do u know how much paste is in our tooth paste tube?
-how do i know?
- i know! from toilet's door to dad's reading ROOM!!

hope u all understand these 7!

2007-01-18 16:20:27 · 9 answers · asked by Annoymous 3

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. 'How much is that Barbie in the window?', he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds, 'Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $349.95. '

The guy asks, 'Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?

'That's obvious,' the assistant states, 'Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... '

2007-01-18 16:19:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 16:15:48 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Shiny penny and a dull dime?

2007-01-18 16:07:39 · 6 answers · asked by jewelsthomas 5

detectives were called to a murder scene. they need your help in determining who died...

they entered an apartment and all they found was a small table, some broken glass and water on the floor.

can you help them determine who died?

2007-01-18 16:06:56 · 10 answers · asked by it's me, julie 2

Pete and Repete get in a boat, Pete stands up and falls out, who is left in the boat?

2007-01-18 15:48:59 · 13 answers · asked by Chris 3

A dumb Irish guy named Mike was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying a passport size photograph of himself. Accidently, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a lady’s skirt. He asked her "Could you lift your skirt? I wanna take a photograph..." The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was surprised to see his dumb friend Jimmy on the bed next to him, in a worse condition. Jimmy explained what happened to him. He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied "I have two grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied,"I have three grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."

He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" daughters as well?"

The Owner asked, “WHY?????????"

Jimmy replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night..." The rest is history!!!

2007-01-18 15:48:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's a man suing Home Depot due to a cruel, practical joke played in the men's bathroom stall. Someone put super glue on a toilet seat, and the man sat on it and got stuck. He started to yell, "help me get off, help me get off"...nobody would come in the bathroom to his aid because...would you go in there and help a man that's yelling, "help me get off, help me get off" ??

2007-01-18 15:45:30 · 13 answers · asked by Beth 6

dave went over to help his uncle jack roof his house. they got thirsty and dave climbed down the ladder to go get them something to drink. while dave was in the house the ladder fell over and broke.

if this was you would you help your uncle jack off?

2007-01-18 15:39:03 · 17 answers · asked by it's me, julie 2

Ive herd a few just wanted to know sum more

2007-01-18 15:39:01 · 11 answers · asked by blue_man_ghost 2

These two boys were on top of an overpass, and they are dangling a concrete block, tied to a rope, in front of traffic above a major highway. They are pulling it up just as each car passes, and they are watching the cars swerve.

Then, all of a sudden, one of the boys wasn't paying attention, and left the concrete block hanging in front of a semi truck. The block hit the 18-wheeler's window, and as the 18-wheeler drove off, the rope was still attached to the boy's arm - ripping the boy's arm off!!

An investigation led to the conviction of the 18-wheel driver! HE was convicted 25 years to life in the state pen...for...

Armed robbery.

2007-01-18 15:31:16 · 16 answers · asked by Beth 6

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

'Pardon me,' she said, 'I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.'

'I'm very sorry,' replied the young man, 'is there anything I can do for you?'

'Yes,' she said, 'As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better.'

'Sure,' answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, 'Goodbye, Mother!'

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. 'How can that be?' he asked, 'I only purchased a few things!'

'Your mother said that you would pay for her.' said the clerk.

2007-01-18 15:29:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is in a concrete basement. There are no doors or windows, the entire room is made of concrete... I guess it's just a concrete box. The man has absolutely NO assets at the moment, and no one is going to help him. How does he get out (assuming he can't break through the walls with his body.)?

Think creatively... this is a funny one and a lot of you are going to kill me I think (unless someone knows the answer, in which case, please don't spoil it for the rest of 'em)

2007-01-18 15:26:44 · 20 answers · asked by Steve 2

i wanna hear from peeps who have weird habits,,,i like to pull the tiny hairs from my chinny chin chin,,,,,

2007-01-18 15:24:09 · 26 answers · asked by ? 2

A traveling salesman checks into a futuristic motel. Realizing his hair needs cutting, he calls the desk clerk to ask if there's a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not sir," the clerk tells him, "but there's a vending machine down the hall that should be able to help you".
Intrigued, the salesman finds the machine with the sign HAIRCUTS $10.00. He is skeptical but puts in $10 and sticks his head in. The machine starts to whirl and buzz. Fifteen seconds later, he pulls out his head to reveal the best haircut of his life!
Looking around, he sees another machine with the sign MANICURES $10.00. "Why not", he thinks and inserts his hands into the opening. Fifteen seconds later, he pulls them out to find they're perfectly manicured.
Amazed at this new technology, he reads the sign on the next machine, THIS MACHINE PROVIDES WHAT MEN NEED MOST WHEN AWAY FROM THEIR WIVES $10.00.
He looks around to check there's no one about, then puts his money into the machine, unzips his fly and eagerly sticks his willy into the machine. The buzzing starts and the guy shrieks in agony, but he cant escape!
Fifteen seconds later, the machine shuts down and, with trembling hands he withdraws his manhood.............now with a button neatly sewn on the end!!

2007-01-18 15:22:26 · 6 answers · asked by heartspiritdivine 3

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