Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

John a was in the pub one night and his mate asked him"Another one John?" John answered " I should n't ,I said I would n't be late...the missus you know". His mate said " Oh I know how to get around women,have another and I'll tell you."
Both had a pint and John's mate told him what to do.
"Go home tonight,very quietly,don't put the light on, just lift the clothes at the foot of the bed and slide in,work your way slowly up and give her a long,slow kiss..you know..down there.She'll be so ecstatic she'll forget to be mad with you."
John decided to try it,he crept up quietly into the bedroom,slid up under the duvet and started a long,slow,passionate muff-dive.
After a few minutes he decided he needed to clean his teeth and went to the bathroom.To his surprise his wife was there having a pee." WHAT THE......?????" he shouted" How did you get here?
"Shhhhhhh !" said his wife...."You'll wake your mother."

2007-01-18 10:34:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

for my friend gave me this riddle and i couldn't figure out the answer...

name a food item (at least 6 letters) and if u switch the first or last letter, u'll get a different kind of fruit.

she said there is only one correct answer, but HELP!

2007-01-18 10:30:16 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

boobies!!!

2007-01-18 10:28:33 · 5 answers · asked by JustJayne 1

2007-01-18 10:21:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Make his fight on the hill in the early day
Constant chill deep inside
Shouting gun,
on they run through the endless grey
On the fight,
for they are right, yes, by who's to say?
For a hill men would kill, why?
They do not know
Suffered wounds test there their pride
Men of five,
still alive through the raging glow
Gone insane from the pain that they surely know
Take a look to the sky
just before you die
It is the last time you will
Blackened roar massive roar
fills the crumbling sky
Shattered goal fills his soul
with a ruthless cry
Stranger now, are his eyes,
to this mystery
He hears the silence so loud
Crack of dawn,
all is gone except the will to be
Now the will see what will be
blinded eyes to see

2007-01-18 10:17:17 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 10:13:09 · 23 answers · asked by marcopolo523 1

does any know what msa stands 4 hint: it is a place and dkpcb they r 5 people good luck

2007-01-18 10:09:24 · 5 answers · asked by lady_drama 3

2007-01-18 10:06:16 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know of one, there may be more.

2007-01-18 10:05:48 · 13 answers · asked by Icefire 3

2007-01-18 10:04:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 10:04:23 · 22 answers · asked by Mickey Corleone 3

If you were the only one in the world and every transportation moved on its on what will you do?

2007-01-18 10:03:03 · 4 answers · asked by transformergirl22 1

do you know the answer?

2007-01-18 09:59:54 · 2 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

2007-01-18 09:57:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

a male hare and a male bear find a magic lamp in the woods and both rub it,ofcoz a genie appears.
genie:thanx for setting me free, to thank you, you both get 3 wishes each.
bear:i wish all the bears in the woods were female.
in an instant all the bears were female.
hare:i wish i had i had a million dollars
suddenly a millon dollars appeared.
bear:i wish all the bears in the country were female.
all the bears in the country turnded in females.
hare:i wish i had a motorcylce
ofcos a motorcylce appeared.
genie:youre last wishes are my commands.
bear:i wish all the bears in the world were females.
that ofcos happened.
hare: hahaha....i wish mr.bear was gay.
mr.hare then got on his motorcycle and rode away laughing.

2007-01-18 09:52:32 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

what did the 5 fingers say to the face?

2007-01-18 09:52:16 · 4 answers · asked by afiya f 2

Recent studies have shown that women at different stages of their menstrual cycle prefer men with different features. Women who are ovulating prefer men with deep, rugged features, while women who are menstruating prefer men doused in petrol, set alight, with scissors stuck in each eye, and a cricket bat shoved firmly up his ***.

2007-01-18 09:52:00 · 27 answers · asked by Caroline. 2

A blond was working at an M&M factory. Her job there was to make sure the M&Ms were okay to be sold. She was fired because there was a trashcan filled with M&Ms. She through them away because when she looked at it she saw Ws.

2007-01-18 09:47:04 · 4 answers · asked by A nobody 3

2007-01-18 09:46:21 · 8 answers · asked by hannick9 2

I cannot be felt, seen or touched!
Yet I can be found in everybody!
My existence is always in debate!
Yet I have my own style of music!
What Am I?

2007-01-18 09:45:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

stays up all night and wonders if there really is a dog

2007-01-18 09:38:05 · 8 answers · asked by terri s 1

The long walk home by Mister Bus.


Groan! I know, just being silly.

2007-01-18 09:36:46 · 9 answers · asked by First Ascent 4 Thistle 7

Roy Rogers, Kind of the Cowboys, and his wife Dale Evans were sitting in their ranch house when Dale asked, "Roy, what would you like for your birthday next week?"

"Well, Dale," replied Roy, "all my life I've worn cowboy boots, and just once I'd like a nice pair of patent leather shoes!"

So, Dale ordered a nice pair of patent leather shoes and gave them to Roy on his birthday. "Oh, thank you, Dale! Just what I wanted" exclaimed Roy with glee. He took off his cowboy boots and put on his patent leather shoes, then decided to go for a ride on Trigger.

While riding out on the ranch, a wild cat came upon Roy and started chewing on Roy's shoes! This angered Roy, so he took his pistol and shot the wild cat dead. He then slung the dead cat over his horse and rode back to the ranch house.

Dale, having heard the shot, was waiting on the porch when Roy rode up. She saw the dead cat, and Roy's chewed-up shoe, and said:

"Pardon me, Roy: Is that the cat who chewed your new shoe?"

2007-01-18 09:36:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the funniest thing you or some one you know has done to a telemarketer

2007-01-18 09:27:43 · 24 answers · asked by just bored 2

2007-01-18 09:27:24 · 13 answers · asked by Darth Vader 6

A rooster lays 11 eggs but the farmer takes 6 of them, then it lays 14 eggs and 5 rot. How many eggs are left?

2007-01-18 09:27:00 · 15 answers · asked by A nobody 3

teacher: as seeing as you cant keep quiet young robert, how do you spell elephant?
(robert stands up and answers)
robert: yes maam, E-L-E-F-E-N-T.
teacher: (tuts) no robert, thats not how its spelt in the dictionary!
robert: you didnt say how it was spelt in the dictionary, you said how do i spell it!

2007-01-18 09:25:44 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

• Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.

• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.

• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

rating plz

2007-01-18 09:21:37 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because his friends kept asking him, "Where the **** did you dig her up?"!

2007-01-18 09:16:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, o'er the other side he see!

2007-01-18 09:07:52 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous