Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

and asked how things were going. He responded by saying that his dog died. "Thats horrible. Why didn't you say that my dog was on the roof so when I call back, you tell me he's dead and it isn't so bad." His friend said," Anything else?" "Well, your mother is on the roof"

2007-01-01 05:34:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

God said, "Adam, so that you would love Eve." Adam, "But, why did you make her so stupid?" God, "So that she would love you."

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Wish you all a Happy and prosperous New Year for 2007.. !!!!!!!!

2007-01-01 05:29:09 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

The husband said "I will get you some ice cream". "I'll write it down so you don't forget" she said. "I won't forget" he said. "But I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it so I'll write it down" she said. "I will get you the ice cream don't you worry" he said. A few minutes later he returned with bacon and eggs and she said "I should have written it down because you forgot the toast"

2007-01-01 05:20:14 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

2007-01-01 05:15:28 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door

2007-01-01 04:53:46 · 12 answers · asked by rusty red 4

this is a tv quiz question. the answer is not 4, 1935, 1011, 43, 88 or 0

2007-01-01 04:48:32 · 23 answers · asked by george f 1

I love Comedy. I been trying to bust into the world of stand up. Everyone who meets me says I'm one of the funniest people they met. It's when i'm trying to be funny I fall to pieces. What can i do to solve this problem?

2007-01-01 04:39:45 · 5 answers · asked by xonexnxonlyandyx 2

Here is a riddle:

What is greater than GOD
Meaner than the devil
The poor have it
The rich want for it
If you eat it you will die

???????????????????????????????????

2007-01-01 04:38:23 · 7 answers · asked by AngelWings 2

2007-01-01 04:34:21 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

*Two bored, male casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived...and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
*She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby...Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
*As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down...and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
*The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know...I thought you were watching."
****WHAT WOULD YOU DO?****

2007-01-01 04:11:50 · 7 answers · asked by tradeangel2000 2

They both come with tow ropes!!!

lol

2007-01-01 04:02:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Don't wait up."

2007-01-01 03:59:28 · 29 answers · asked by postypaul 3

Bill went to the local w h ore house one friday night. He walked up to the man at the front desk and asked "what can I get for 5 dollars?" The man replied "Go down the hall and ask for Beulah Mae, she will take care of you." So the man goes down the hall and says "beulah i gave the man 5 dollars, now take care of me." Beulah lays down on the bed throws her legs up and says "there you go bill, all you can eat" Well Bill gets started and all of a sudden he feels something in his mouth...he spits it out and its some bacon. bill doesn't pay it no attention and just goes about his business when suddenly he feels something else. He spits and now theres a piece of lettuce. Bill pays it no mind and continues what he started when he feels something else... he spits and this time it is a soupbean! That was the last straw he jumps and angrily asks "Beulah have you been sick?" Beulah laughs and replies "No but the guy before you was."

2007-01-01 03:50:00 · 8 answers · asked by shannon h 4

I once saw a book called mathemagic that included riddles that required logic thought. Is there any page that contains these kind of riddles?

2007-01-01 03:41:52 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred notices a
photo of a man on her bedside table.

At first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never mentioned
it, so why should he?

But after a month or so he begins to stress about it; even imagining the
photo is staring at him doing the deed.

It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides ask about it.
"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery"

2007-01-01 03:35:03 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because of all the garbage we throw out every year "Operation Save the Planet" has come out with an idea to help save landfill space.......condom recycling. Thats right your used rubbers will be able to love again!! To recycle a used condom all you have to do is turn it inside out and shake the f*** out of it!!!

2007-01-01 03:33:37 · 4 answers · asked by shannon h 4

George Bush and Dick Cheney where walking the fence line at Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas when the two came upon a cow with her head stuck in the fence. Little Dick Cheney immediately drops his pants and begins having sex with the trapped animal. When the VP finishes he looks at the president and says "Ok Georgie its your turn." The president with a puzzled look on his face replies "Ok Dick, but I don't think my head will fit in the fence like that."

2007-01-01 03:25:30 · 4 answers · asked by shannon h 4

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

2007-01-01 02:42:47 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''

The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''

It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. ''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator.....'''

2007-01-01 02:34:37 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-01 02:33:52 · 1 answers · asked by Because I Said So 7

the woman who had such an ugly baby she only got morning sickness after it was born. PS.......How come all the people in favour of abortion have already been born ? Thats a joke in case you were wondering....lol lol

2007-01-01 02:15:58 · 21 answers · asked by Shredder 6

Then please read this, I haven't laughed so much in ages and I thought I'd share it with you.

http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke2.cgi?id=20041120

Thank you

2007-01-01 02:07:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

no hints.. ahahhahah

2007-01-01 01:46:27 · 7 answers · asked by Tabbu 1

1. mom folds it like a carpet but it never ends, dad counts it as money but it cant be counted who am i.......

2.what goes up when rain comes down?

2007-01-01 01:32:53 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

i want in door group games for old ladies.can u tell?

2007-01-01 01:04:36 · 17 answers · asked by suguna p 1

those fake butter names 'utterly butterly', 'you'd butter believe it' etc. or my own suggestion 'butter? my @rse!!' what would you call it if you were in charge of naming butter-like products?
the funniest one gets 10 points.

2007-01-01 00:53:21 · 23 answers · asked by AJ 5

is there something i can do online to cheer me up. i dont mind its a game or chat or anything else

2007-01-01 00:41:04 · 12 answers · asked by al 2

click this link to clean up your pc.

http://www.25-88.com/clean_your_monitor/brush.swf

2007-01-01 00:38:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

know it's not going to be her day ? When she puts her bra on backwards by mistake and finds that it fits better !!!!! P**s off if you dont like it !!!!

2007-01-01 00:30:09 · 22 answers · asked by Shredder 6

if a blonde is having a bad day ? She has a tampon behind her ear and she spends hours looking for her pencil !!!!!

2007-01-01 00:18:11 · 14 answers · asked by Shredder 6