Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-01 13:29:14 · 16 answers · asked by mike 2

Something I've always asked myself.

2007-01-01 13:16:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you have a gorilla sized,wide loaded butt? ANSWER MY QUESTION.

2007-01-01 13:05:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

just kidding i would NEVER do this

2007-01-01 13:01:47 · 18 answers · asked by wings 1

2007-01-01 12:59:56 · 8 answers · asked by mike 2

i already walked up to random ppl,hugged tem,and said i love them.i also went up to ppl 10 yrs older than me and said OMG ITS U! i remember u..u were at bedwetters camp!!

2007-01-01 12:59:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

1"I have as many brothers as sisters, but my brothers have twice the number of sisters as brothers. How many of us are there?"

2.What do you throw out when you want to use it, but take in when you don't want to use it?


3.What gets harder to catch the faster you run?


4.What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?


5.What goes up and down without moving?

6.What goes up and never comes down?

7.What grows up while growing down?

8.What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?

9.What happened in the middle of the twentieth century that will not happen again for 4,000 years?

10.What has a foot on each side and one in the middle?

2007-01-01 12:58:37 · 7 answers · asked by bree12342001 2

Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador.

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of $800,000.

Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.

2007-01-01 12:57:34 · 9 answers · asked by ? 5

(just picture that goofy scene)

2007-01-01 12:52:46 · 11 answers · asked by BigJake418 7

So, these two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored.
So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex in someone's front lawn.
"Look", he shouts, "What are the those dogs doing? Are they fighting?"
The passenger, being a man of the world, replies, "They are having sex. Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?"
The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style.
So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position."
The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try.
So the next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, "Well. How did it go?"
The driver replies, "It was great. But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn"

2007-01-01 12:51:23 · 23 answers · asked by ? 5

to God, he says why did you make women so beautiful ? So that you would find them attractive says God. Well why did you make some of them so stupid asks the bloke....... well says God, so that some of them might fancy you !!!!!

2007-01-01 12:51:16 · 20 answers · asked by Shredder 6

What kind of rocks are on the bottom of the Mississippi River?

2007-01-01 12:46:56 · 15 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

1.Two brothers we are, great burdens we bear, all day we are bitterly pressed; Yet this I will say - we are full all the day, and empty when we go to rest. What are we?

2.Long and slinky like a trout, never sings till it's guts come out. What is it?

3.Always old, sometimes new, never sad, sometimes blue. Never empty, sometimes full, never pushes, always pulls.

4.I run, though I have no legs to be seen. I possess no heat, yet I do have steam. I have no voice to let words out, but from far away you can still hear me shout. What am I?

2007-01-01 12:43:04 · 1 answers · asked by bree12342001 2

Three kids from Bristol went for a walk. About a mile into the walk, they came to a deep, wide river. There was no bridge. They didn't have a boat or raft, or any materials to make one. None of them could swim.
How did they cross the river?

2007-01-01 12:41:32 · 17 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

Who is Jack Schitt you ask?

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt."

Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt,Giva Schitt,Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

2007-01-01 12:40:17 · 25 answers · asked by ? 5

You can find roads without cars, And roam through forests without trees, Cities exist without houses? Whatever can I be?

2007-01-01 12:34:25 · 9 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

Sometimes I am loud, and viewed with distaste. Poke out my eye, then I'm on the front of your face. What word am I

2007-01-01 12:31:34 · 18 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

You can see it, but you can't touch it. It may disappear, but has never really left you. It grows throughout the day. What is it?

2007-01-01 12:25:11 · 17 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

That some people laugh at nothing ? Well here goes then
















NOTHING.......... Got ya !!!!!!

2007-01-01 12:24:30 · 32 answers · asked by Shredder 6

A guy is driving down the road while listening to the radio. All of a sudden, the radio station he is listening to goes to static. He gets out of the car and shoots himself. Why? You can ask and I'll answer yes or no questions only. =) Good luck!

2007-01-01 12:23:27 · 3 answers · asked by All!c@ 3

What flies when it's born, lies when it alive, and runs when it's dead?

2007-01-01 12:21:23 · 9 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

i keep hearing people talk about red necks, but i don't know what a red neck is!!! i know this isn't a joke or a riddle, but a lot of people in this section talk about them.

2007-01-01 12:18:38 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Often held but never touched, always wet but never rusts, often bites but seldom bit, to use me well you must have wit. What am I?

2007-01-01 12:17:52 · 11 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

What lives as long as it eats but dies when it drinks?

2007-01-01 12:15:19 · 10 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

2007-01-01 12:13:01 · 10 answers · asked by cherry 3

2007-01-01 12:11:05 · 10 answers · asked by #1 jesus freak. 1

We are a pair, We can dart here and there, Though we always stay in one place. We can smile or shed tears, Show our pleasure or fears, And you'll find us on everyone's face. What are we?

2007-01-01 12:10:55 · 7 answers · asked by wa_tailback2 2

2007-01-01 12:10:46 · 2 answers · asked by cherry 3

Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?

Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

2007-01-01 12:06:12 · 9 answers · asked by ? 5

-----1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom? -----

---2. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty’s torch? ------

-----3. When you walk does your left arm swing: with your right or left leg? (Don’t get up to see!) ------

-----4. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise? -----

-----5. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip? -----

-----6. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?-----

2007-01-01 11:54:13 · 24 answers · asked by lilly s 2