Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the f---ing potatoes!"

2007-01-01 21:32:41 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

2007-01-01 21:27:21 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-01 21:15:36 · 8 answers · asked by McQ 3

2007-01-01 21:14:59 · 12 answers · asked by bipolar and lovin it 2

He was hanging around here somewhere a little while ago.

2007-01-01 21:11:14 · 24 answers · asked by bipolar and lovin it 2

Why do girls hav 2 boobs.it was a question in a riddle book.can anyone tell me why.?
i do like if your answer is funny.im searching for answers

2007-01-01 21:10:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

i do like if your answer is funny.im searching for answers.

2007-01-01 21:05:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jason's Doner Van.

2007-01-01 20:50:21 · 15 answers · asked by Buck Flair 4

2007-01-01 20:36:59 · 5 answers · asked by kiran s 1

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

Kid says, "One."

Boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

Kid says "$201,237.64."

Boss says "201,237.64?? What the heck did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat; we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Mercedes would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him an Escalade."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

2007-01-01 20:34:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

7. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

8. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

9. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

10. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

11. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

12. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

13. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

14. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

15. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

16. War Dims Hope for Peace

17. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

18. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

19. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

20. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

21. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

22. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

23. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

24. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

2007-01-01 20:14:23 · 30 answers · asked by Underpants. 2

You're on a bus since you've heard that pretty soon the whole place would be flooded with water and so you're trying to escape. . . Then, you pass by a bus stop. Three people are there: Your best friend who's saved your life before, an elderly woman, and the person you love the most.
There is only one more seat left on the bus. . . what would you do and who would you save?!


btw...when i choose a best answer, i'll post the way i would do it.

2007-01-01 20:04:33 · 16 answers · asked by ? 1

There were two blondes walking down the
street and they spotted a compact.
They rushed over to see who it belonged to
so they could return it. The
first one opens it and says, "This person looks
familiar" The second one
says, "Let me see." She looks at her friend!"
and says, "Silly, that's me

2007-01-01 20:03:21 · 16 answers · asked by Mary 6

He didn't feel well cause he was hungover from the night before.

2007-01-01 19:56:41 · 29 answers · asked by Underpants. 2

2007-01-01 19:16:04 · 13 answers · asked by Rob 1

It's pretty good.Write your answers on a
piece of paper, and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.


1. Which is your favorite color out of:
red , black , blue , green , or yellow ?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as you .
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)




























Answers































1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones
you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who
are

2007-01-01 18:54:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-01 18:39:40 · 18 answers · asked by janni4 1

What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away?

I know, I know some of you have heard it before and think it's old ;) sorry some of us haven't

Whom ever answers correctly first will be awarded best answer.

Good luck and have fun

last one for the night.

2007-01-01 18:36:40 · 11 answers · asked by AngelWings 2

mine would think "damn they eat alot" lol

2007-01-01 18:24:00 · 13 answers · asked by bree12342001 2

2007-01-01 18:20:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-01 18:20:14 · 21 answers · asked by MAI_Phils. 1

Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip.
There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said,
"Look, it's always gonna be me!"

2007-01-01 18:15:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-01 18:12:56 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

I like this question.

2007-01-01 18:03:48 · 4 answers · asked by wwwwwwwfe 1

2007-01-01 17:57:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I forgot how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsiepop!

2007-01-01 17:54:15 · 19 answers · asked by John P 3

tell me the funniest joke you know, i dont care who it offendes, i wont report you, just lay it on me.

2007-01-01 17:43:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-01 17:36:08 · 5 answers · asked by LOVE 2

2007-01-01 17:25:32 · 17 answers · asked by MAI_Phils. 1

1) Final Exam Failure
Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.
The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?"
Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

2007-01-01 17:16:17 · 17 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1