Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

"She had the impudence to say in a loud voice, 'I think kiwi fruit are so lower middle class, don't you?'"

(Brownie Points if you can tell me whom they are talking about.)

2007-01-02 06:40:16 · 10 answers · asked by my brain hurts 5

2007-01-02 06:38:15 · 20 answers · asked by ? 2

"People love cinnamon. It should be on tables at restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime anyone says, "Oh This is so good. What's in it?" The answer invariably comes back, Cinnamon. Cinnamon."

2007-01-02 06:32:53 · 1 answers · asked by my brain hurts 5

At one point in my life,
i walk on 4's.
At one point in my life,
i walk on 2's.
and At one point in my life,
i walk on 3's.
what am I?

2007-01-02 06:29:05 · 6 answers · asked by HaHaHoHoHeeHee 3

I am BORED at work... got any suggestions for some entertaining websites?

2007-01-02 06:28:41 · 10 answers · asked by wantme_comegetme 5

cos I just saw an advert "Nothing works faster than Anadin"

2007-01-02 06:25:23 · 25 answers · asked by jabelite 3

there are only two forms of transport in the world that are palendromes (excuse the spelling. And for those not in the know....they read the same backwards as forwards, eg. MUM or DAD)
Good luck

2007-01-02 06:22:46 · 14 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

Person who can answer the most wins. Ok....#1:
A man is found dead alone in a room with a round table and 53 bicycles, how did he die?

#2: Two twins go to a bar both order martinis. One sips their drink, the other gulps theirs down. One of the twins dies. Which one and why?

#3 A man is found dead alone on the side of a deserted stretch of road on his back is a backpack...how did he die. (Hint he got there by a vehicle of some sort not necessarily a car)


Whoever either gets the most right wins. Good luck

2007-01-02 06:17:52 · 22 answers · asked by tuxgal3 5

What is the worst thing a wife can get on her
twenty fifth wedding anniversary?








Morning Sickness!

2007-01-02 06:09:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A sailor and a pirate are drinking at a waterfront bar and
they proceed to swap sea stories. The sailor notes the
pirate's peg leg, eye patch and hook.

"So tell me," asks the sailor, "how did you come to lose
that leg?"

"Arrgh," says the pirate, "'Twas a black squall swept me
overboard. Whilst in the water, a shark snapped me leg off
and I've had this peg leg ever since."

"Wow!" says the sailor. "And how'd you get the hook?"

"We was fighting at close quarters," says the pirate. "Some
scurvy dog with a cutlass hacked me hand off and I've had
this hook ever since."

"Amazing!" says the sailor. "And what about the eye patch?"

"Arrgh," says the pirate. "'Twas a seagull pooped in me
eye."

"A seagull?" asks the sailor, a bit incredulous.

"Well, I should explain," says the pirate. "'Twas me first
day with the new hook."

2007-01-02 06:08:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Stephen Hawking after a housefire.

2007-01-02 06:06:22 · 21 answers · asked by bluenose 4

2007-01-02 06:04:10 · 9 answers · asked by motorcitysmadman2 2

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

2007-01-02 06:01:37 · 16 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

i have to tell a sentence. if it is true i will die poisoned. if it is false i will die hanged. tell me a sentence to escape! it must be built in such matter that i wuld know for certain if it is true or false!

2007-01-02 05:58:43 · 7 answers · asked by einsteiniq9000 1

2007-01-02 05:52:53 · 37 answers · asked by bastaad 3

1. Mary's parents have five daughters. They are Nina, Ashley, Jasmine, Brooke. What's the missing name?
2. How many animals did Moss take into his arc?
3. There are three men. Each of them weight 220 lbs. It was raining cats and dogs. All they have is an umbrella that allows only one of them to use (two men can't fit inside the umbrella). How come all of them are dry?
4. How many apples do you have after you take two apples from three apples in a basket?

2007-01-02 05:50:30 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

go to control panel then go into sounds,speech and audio devices next go into speech then go to text speech and then put in the lyrics to a song or something random like the alphabet then click preview voice do that then answer telling me what you think

2007-01-02 05:50:05 · 12 answers · asked by italiana mocha 2

1. Mary's parents have five daughters. They are Nina, Ashley, Jasmine, Brooke. What's the missing name?
2. How many animals did Moss take into his arc?
3. There are three men. Each of them weight 220 lbs. It was raining cats and dogs. All they have is an umbrella that allows only one of them to use (two men can't fit inside the umbrella). How come all of them are dry?
4. How many apples do you have after you take two apples from three apples in a basket?

2007-01-02 05:48:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 05:48:23 · 7 answers · asked by The Editor 2

1. Mary's parents have five daughters. They are Nina, Ashley, Jasmine, Brooke. What's the missing name?
2. How many animals did Moss take into his arc?
3. There are three men. Each of them weight 220 lbs. It was raining cats and dogs. All they have is an umbrella that allows only one of them to use (two men can't fit inside the umbrella). How come all of them are dry?
4. How many apples do you have after you take two apples from three apples in a basket?

2007-01-02 05:47:32 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2007-01-02 05:45:59 · 18 answers · asked by The Editor 2

2007-01-02 05:41:27 · 17 answers · asked by The Editor 2

Figure out what planet each alien lives on

Aliens: Planets:
Nop Mercury
Frop Saturn
Jop Venus
Vop Uranus
Clop Mars
Glop Neptune
Phop Jupiter
Zop Pluto

CLUES

1. Phop is either from mars or pluto
2. either Nops cousin lives on Uranus or Nop himself does
3. either Frop is from Venus, or Clop is from Saturn
4. either all the aliens live on the planet that starts with the first letter of their name or not.
5. Jop is either a cousin to the alien from saturn, or he is the nephew of the alien from mercury
6. either Clop and Vop are Neptune and Pluto respectively, or Glop and Viop are from Jupiter and Neptune respectively
7. either Zop is an only child, or he lives on mars
8. either Phop lives on Mercury, or Zop does
9. either Nop lives on saturn, or Glop (who has no cousins) lives on saturn.
10. either Glop is from Neptune, or Clop in not from Neptune

2007-01-02 05:40:58 · 3 answers · asked by Hardcore 3

A lady is carrying her infant son with her as she waits for the bus. When the bus arrives, she steps up into it. The bus driver tells her "The fare will be two dollars, please". She checks her pockets and realizes she left her wallet inside her house near the front door. "Sir, would you please wait just a moment while I run back inside my house to get my wallet?" The driver responds : "Ok, but make it quick". She turns to one of the passengers while holding out the baby and asks if he will hold him for her. "Sure", the passenger replies, "I'll watch your monkey for you".

2007-01-02 05:36:04 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 05:25:52 · 11 answers · asked by stardogchampion2002 3

2007-01-02 05:18:21 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

He asks the bartender if he might be interested in hiring some musical entertainment and opens the case to reveal a tiny little man - just 12" tall, and a minature piano and stool. The little man sits down at the piano and announces to everyone present that he will play any piece of music they can name, anything, and proceeds to amaze everyone with his unbelieveable playing. The bartender asks the guy who brought him in how he came across such a talented little entertainer, the guy replied that a few days ago, he'd stopped to help the victim of a "hit and run" accident, called an ambulance for her etc.. As she was being placed in the ambulance, she regained consciousness briefly, thanked him for his kindness and confided in him that she was a Gypsy who had certain magical powers and would grant him 1 wish. The guy then went on to say to the bartender, "But I think the accident must have affected her hearing a bit, I mean, why on earth would I have wished for a 12" pianist?".

2007-01-02 05:13:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 05:13:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Let's be stinkers and go out the back door.
(Sorry, hahahaha, that's from a 6 year old)

2007-01-02 05:00:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Women's English:

Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure go ahead = I don't want you to. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

2007-01-02 05:00:26 · 13 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5