Women's English:
Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure go ahead = I don't want you to. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
2007-01-02 05:00:26 · 13 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ou have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep. I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important. The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Everything = My PMS is acting up. Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an a$s hole
2007-01-02 05:00:54 · update #1
Men's English:
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry. "I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy. "I'm tired" = I'm tired. "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage! "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you. "What's wrong?" = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this. "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. "I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex? "I love you." = Let's have sex now. "I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now! "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before. "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look t
2007-01-02 05:01:19 · update #2
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! "Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. (while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! "I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay.
2007-01-02 05:01:40 · update #3
before i give you my womens dictionary im rofling lol
and im glad you acknowledge our use of speech!
and here are five tips for the ladies since we ARE talking about men and women:
Five tips for a woman....
1 It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
and now here is MY dictionary:
FINE
>>> This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
>>> If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes
is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
>>> This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
>>> This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
>>> This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
>>> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
>>> A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
WHATEVER
>>> It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!
thats the REAL women's dictionary coming from a real woman!
Foot Note:
(this is gross please excuse my bad manners)
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."
oh and this reminds me of a little story:
Sam wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces
himself to open his
eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of
aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his
clothing in front of
him, all clean and pressed.
Sam looks around the room and sees that it is in
perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the
aspirins and notices a
note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to go
shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a
hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table,
eating. Sam asks, "Son,
what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk
and delirious. Broke
some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave
yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door". Confused, Sam asks,
"So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me? I
should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said ,
"Lady leave me alone!
I'm married!"
Moral
Self-induced hangover -- $2000.00
Broken furniture -- $20,000.00
Breakfast --$100.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS
2007-01-02 09:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't compare a man to a woman. Each is different. But a man, and a woman, complement each other. In other words, one man and one woman (together) is one unit. They are a complementary pair.
2016-05-23 06:36:20 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My hubby just told me he loves me? Should I be worried? Gosh, I was hoping to at least wait another few months... lol
2007-01-02 05:07:06 · answer #3 · answered by thelaundryfairy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely hilarious. But it is also far too accurate. LMFAO
2007-01-02 05:07:07 · answer #4 · answered by my_iq_135 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your jokes they are all the good ones but the old ones but still good
2007-01-02 11:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by whatuneed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have anything else better to do with your time? Yes maybe?
2007-01-02 05:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by HotInTX 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
haha pretty insightful for a guy
2007-01-02 05:44:38 · answer #7 · answered by MaeB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's the worst part about eating vegetables.
You have to put them back in the wheelchair when your done.
:) YUM
2007-01-02 05:04:18 · answer #8 · answered by undercoverpm 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
its really funny cuz its true!!
2007-01-02 05:07:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
hear this one
"cause it makes me happy"
2007-01-02 05:04:29 · answer #10 · answered by B pyro 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋