Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-31 19:34:42 · 3 answers · asked by Bride2Be 8/30/08 5

2007-01-31 19:34:10 · 2 answers · asked by Bride2Be 8/30/08 5

society!

=D this one made me laugh - what do you think?

2007-01-31 19:33:17 · 18 answers · asked by greenday4ever 3

Mine is "This is more fun than pitchen babies off the back of a pickup truck with a pitchfork."

2007-01-31 19:27:01 · 8 answers · asked by Nate H 2

The great mathematician WACLAW SIERPINSKI had to move to a new place. He and his wife stood on the street with all their things, his wife said:
You stand here and watch our 10 trunks, while i get a taxi.
some minutes later she returned with a taxi.
Mr. sierpinski: i thought you said there were 10 trunks but i counted only 9
wife: no, they're TEN
sier.:no, count them 0,1,2,.......

Einstein never has to dress well
when einstein's wife told him to dress properly when going to the office he
argued:"why should i? every one knows me there."
when he was told to dress well for his first big conference: "why should i? no one knows me there"

one student in RUTHERFORD'S lab was very hard working.Rutherford had noticed it and asked one evening: -do you work in the mornings too?
-yes proudly answered the student sure he would be commended.
-but when do u think? - amazed rutherford

2007-01-31 19:15:33 · 10 answers · asked by sweety 2

Do you Push Pull Pull Push?

2007-01-31 18:45:34 · 12 answers · asked by corporal33t 1

hi hi , this is question to collect more stars, and to select a best answer... Thank you!

2007-01-31 17:58:16 · 65 answers · asked by logan 1

What, if it fell out of a tree, could kill you? a piano

2007-01-31 17:43:08 · 12 answers · asked by Sam I Am 3

I understand he cannot marry because he is dead. (found that on another website) but i don't understand how he is dead. God i'm slow. Someone please explain! Thanks!

2007-01-31 17:41:24 · 13 answers · asked by CiNdiEe 2

yahoo employees get one brain to share between all of them,they each get to use it for about 5 seconds before it's passed on to the next employee.

2007-01-31 17:35:12 · 9 answers · asked by BUSHIDO 7

2007-01-31 17:23:02 · 11 answers · asked by ◄Hercules► 6

2007-01-31 17:22:30 · 8 answers · asked by jake s 1

A nun with a javelin through her HEAD!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

2007-01-31 17:17:29 · 5 answers · asked by ya_face_sux 1

Tell your joke, and say which of the previous answers is the best joke before yours!

2007-01-31 17:05:07 · 10 answers · asked by Janet M 1

anybody know the answer? i need to know this...lol.

2007-01-31 16:46:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I love the 90's You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this [ice ice _ _ _ _ ] You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ." You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. ( haha this one is the funniest) You remember reading "Goosebumps" You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not when everyhting was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky. when cops and robbers was a daily activity. when we played Hide and go seek until our legs grew numb. ??

2007-01-31 16:45:43 · 4 answers · asked by me love kitty 2

2007-01-31 16:33:04 · 3 answers · asked by phozzyt 1

Imagine this: You are a rotten, preppy girl with a bad-"A" attitude. You hate, loath, and dispise someone in every way. You invite this person to your birthday party just to humiliate them in the WORST way...How are you going to do it?

NO! This has NOTHING to do with me, or anyone else in my life. I wouldn't be near as cruel, and I'm not a bad-"A." LOL! No questions, I just want ideas...

2007-01-31 16:26:14 · 4 answers · asked by Bewitched by Moonlight 1

a blonde walks into a store, walks up to the clerk and says, "i want to buy that tv". the clerk says "i dont sell to blondes". so she goes and buys a red wig, goes back into the store and tells the clerk, "i want to buy that tv" and the clerk says "i dont sell to blondes" so now she goes and buys a brown wig, goes back and tells the clerk she wants to buy that tv. again the clerk says "i dont sell to blondes". she pulls the wig off and shouts, "how did u no i was blonde!?" the clerk says, "thats a microwave, not a tv."

2007-01-31 16:25:23 · 10 answers · asked by emilybailey1980 3

2007-01-31 16:20:17 · 21 answers · asked by Matt Y 2

...and sees a sign that says, "Free Drinks-see the bartender for info." So the guy goes up to the bartender and asks about it. The bartender says, "Well, first you must pass the test, which has three parts: the first part is, you have to drink a whole quart of pepper tequila. Then, you have to go out back and pull a sore tooth from the mouth of the alligator. Then you must go upstairs, where there is a virgin woman, and you must - ahem - change that."

So the guy says OK, and he chugs down the pepper tequila. Then he stumbles out the back door towards the alligator, where no one dares to watch out of fear. They hear a great deal of scuffling between the guy and the alligator, and finally, a loud roar from the alligator, and then silence.

Everyone waits with baited breath as the guy stumbled back into the bar, all beaten up, bitten and scratched. He said, "All right, now where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-31 16:19:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
I'm in love,
But not with you.
When we broke up,
You thought I cried,
But alls it was...
was another guy.
You told your friends
I was a trick,
I told mine,
You had a weak dxck.
I said "I love you"
You thought it was true,
But guess what baby???
You Got Played Too!!!
There was a young lady of Crewe,
Who said as the Bishop withdrew,
"The Vicar was slicker
and thicker and quicker
and five inches longer than you!"

The Pxnis Poem

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sxx appeal
Is now my water spout

Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full-time job
To find the blasted thing

It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave

Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes

2007-01-31 16:07:21 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

OK, I posted an anti-Bears joke. Here's an anti-Colts (or, more accurately, and anti-Manning) joke....

Peyton had lived a full productive life, and had died (way down the line, I'm sure). He gets to Heaven, and God is showing him his new house in the sky. It is a nice home, nothing flashy, but man, the Colts stuff all over. Flags, window clings, even a large Colts logo cut into the lawn. Manning was overwhelmed, and then spied a large, glittering mansion up the hill from him, with tons and tons of Patriots gear in evidence.

"Lord God, not to be ungrateful, for I surely an not, but why do I have a smaller and less appointed home than Tom Brady?"

The Almighty chuckled, and said to Peyton, "My Son, that isn't Tom's home.....it's Mine!!"


Again, not a Colts fan or a Bears fan. I used Brady in this joke only because I like the Pats. You can substitute Grossman, I guess......but really. Who would want to? Including Bears fans, who I have learned hate Rex too lol.

2007-01-31 16:03:25 · 2 answers · asked by ffxi_minizilla 4

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pxssed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brxther.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

My darling, my lxver, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you scrxwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell."
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder?
What the fxck was I thinking?

Sticks and stones may brake my bones but whipes and chains excite me

2007-01-31 16:01:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mama bear and Papa bear are getting divorced (seems Papa was seen fooling around with Goldilocks....but thats another joke >.>). The judge presiding over the procedings asked baby bear who he wanted to stay with.

"Well, no Papa Bear," he said sadly. "He beats me all the time."

"So, you wish to stay with Mama?"

"No sir, she also beats me all the time."

"Son, who would you like to stay with then?"

The cub thought, and then looked up.

"Let me live with the Chicago Bears....they never beat anybody!"



:P I know, let the flames begin. All I have to say in my defense is I am not a Dolts fan either (Go Pats!!). I just thought it was good. Good luck to both teams, and watch out for the Pats in '07!!!!

2007-01-31 15:53:59 · 6 answers · asked by ffxi_minizilla 4

Anyone know any good Chuck Norris one liners?

ex: When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised

2007-01-31 15:47:41 · 9 answers · asked by GHAAD 4

A zebra was visiting a farm. "Hi," she said to the rooster. "What do you do here?"

"I make sure everyone gets up on time for a nice early start on the day," he replied.

"How about you?" she asked a cow. "I supply the farmer and his family with fresh milk, so they can make butter and cheese," the cow said.

"And what's your job on the farm?" the zebra asked a stallion. "Get out of those fancy striped pyjamas," he answered, "and I'll show you."

2007-01-31 15:47:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

This one is really bad:

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't already told her twice.

*cough*

2007-01-31 15:42:29 · 12 answers · asked by yumyum 6

I guess I'm just in one of those moods. Humor me. Ah ha ha ha ha ha

2007-01-31 15:42:11 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a har d on?

2007-01-31 15:37:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous