Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.

"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.

"Nope."

"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.

"Nope."

"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.

"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."

"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Axxxxxe!!"

2007-01-31 09:06:00 · 14 answers · asked by Tink 5

What does Monica Lewenski and an A.T.M machine both say?
INSERT BILL HERE!

2007-01-31 08:58:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-31 08:57:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

a mistery...

2007-01-31 08:50:31 · 12 answers · asked by norbie 1

The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN was walking down the hallway and bumped into President Bush.
Hoping to break the ice with an innocuous comment, the ambassador quickly said, "Respectfully, sir. I have a question about what I’ve seen in America."
Politely, President Bush answered, "If I can help explain things to you, please let me know."
The Iraqi whispered. "My little girl watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in this show, there’s Chekov who is a Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Sulu who is Chinese… but there aren't any Iraqis. Why aren’t there any Iraqis on Star Trek?".
President Bush whispered back to the ambassador, "It's because Star Trek takes place in the future."

2007-01-31 08:47:06 · 42 answers · asked by manicmalcolm 2

One winter morning in Montana a couple was listening to the radio while eating breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." Norman 's wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they were again eating breakfast, t he radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." Norman 's wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer said, We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went off. Norman 's wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time ?"

2007-01-31 08:46:30 · 8 answers · asked by lilith663 6

do you make fishcakes ? he asks.
of course, says the fishmonger.
oh good says the man, its his birthday.

2007-01-31 08:44:34 · 20 answers · asked by olly 2

A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A wisecracking student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up "But what about extreme xexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter.

When the students finally settled down, the professor gave the student a long, appraising look. "Well", he responded, "I guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"

2007-01-31 08:43:33 · 10 answers · asked by Tink 5

Can you complete this sentence using words which are anagrams of each other?
"At the school recently, only the ==?== students could solve the ==?== equation."

2007-01-31 08:41:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

What has 4 legs and 8 arms? a pit bull at a playground

2007-01-31 08:39:21 · 23 answers · asked by Sam I Am 3

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there
in the first place......smack his bottom again!"

If you don't laugh at this one, there's no hope for you.

2007-01-31 08:36:22 · 12 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

2007-01-31 08:36:01 · 6 answers · asked by olly 2

You guys do the punch line. You're always so creative!

2007-01-31 08:34:34 · 18 answers · asked by ? 6

Look Doctor I have come to the conclusion that I am a moth.

I would like to help perhaps It would be better that you see a phyciatrist. I am not really qualified to help you.

I know that says the guy !Its just I was passing and your light was on

2007-01-31 08:32:27 · 4 answers · asked by froggerty 3

2007-01-31 08:27:34 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

IDK just a riddle

2007-01-31 08:26:42 · 4 answers · asked by Chris 3

2007-01-31 08:25:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

what goes up but doesn't come down what goes down but doesn't come up.

2007-01-31 08:25:41 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo momma is so fat that when she floating in the ocean Spain claimed her for new land.

Yo momma is so that when her bumper fell off everyone thought that she was backing out.

2007-01-31 08:23:12 · 23 answers · asked by Baby Girl R 2

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began."They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.

"Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

2007-01-31 08:21:55 · 43 answers · asked by Tink 5

i made an egg explode! u may have seen my other question about what things explode in the microwave, well, i decided to try the egg again. well, i put it in the microwave and i wouldnt pop, so i decided i was gonna poke it to see what would happen! well, here it is!


http://video.tinypic.com/player.php?v=3yq340i

2007-01-31 08:16:08 · 7 answers · asked by mackenzie d 1

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enroled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

2007-01-31 08:15:51 · 12 answers · asked by Tink 5

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can't explain.

2007-01-31 08:14:54 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

First answer get's 10 points

and 2nd joke: What runs all the way around a field without moving?

2007-01-31 08:13:01 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little farmboy comes in late for school. Teacher asks why he's late. Farmboy replies that he had to take the family cow over to the neighbour's to get her bred by a bull.

Annoyed, teacher demands, "Can't your father do that?" Little farm boy thinks for a moment: replies, "Well, sure... but the bull can do it better."

2007-01-31 08:08:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-31 08:08:38 · 7 answers · asked by armypride 1

Who can guess it first?

2007-01-31 08:06:19 · 11 answers · asked by Fuzzy Donna 2

You will probably agree that

101 - 102 = 1

is false.

Just move a single digit to make the equation true.

2007-01-31 08:04:44 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

yo mama is so dark she has to wear white gloves wehn she eats a tootsie roll so she wont eat her fingers

yo mama is so nasty..wehn i asked her whats for dinner she opened her legs and said crabs

what did the lady say to the weatherman??
Answer: what happened to the 8 inch you promised last night

2007-01-31 07:58:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IN SURGERY

1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?

3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!

4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!

5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie

6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

7 "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

9 "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em

10 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"

2007-01-31 07:53:41 · 25 answers · asked by Tink 5