A educational joke pleaze?

Answer 1

College Grads

A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"

A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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Chemistry, Duke and Bonkistry

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.

They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.

Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page...

WHICH TIRE? (95 points)
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Actual School Excuse Notes

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:
1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

Answer 2

When the chair of the Physics Department requested a new wave machine, the Dean of Finances threw up his hands and exclaimed, "I don't see why the Physics Department needs all this expensive equipment. Why can't you be more like the Mathematics Department-- all they need is pens, paper, and wastebasket. Or even better yet, the Philosophy Department-- all they need is pens and paper."

Answer 3

lifeless forward, in the path of the pitch-black night, the captain sees a easy on a collision path together with his deliver. He sends a sign: “substitute your path ten stages east.” “substitute yours ten stages west,” comes the respond. The captain responds, “I’m a usa military captain! substitute your path, sir!” “I’m a seaman 2nd classification,” the subsequent message reads. “substitute your path, sir!” The captain is livid. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing path!” “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.” the salesman on the megastore had in basic terms one sale that day, despite if it substitute into for a astonishing $158,762. Flabbergasted by considered one of those huge sale, the administrative asked him to describe. “First, I bought the guy a fishhook,” the salesman suggested. “Then I bought him a rod and reel. when I found out he substitute into making plans on fishing down the coast, I stated he’d desire a boat. Then I took him to the motor vehicle branch and purchased him our greatest SUV to tug the boat.” “You bought all that to a guy who got here in for a fishhook?” asked the boss. “incredibly,” suggested the salesman, “he got here in for a bottle of aspirin for his spouse’s migraine. I informed him, ‘Your weekend’s shot. could to boot pass fishing.’” a not undemanding previous cowboy informed his grandson that the secret to a protracted existence substitute into sprinkling a dash gunpowder on his oatmeal each morning. The grandson did this religiously and, beneficial sufficient, lived to the ripe previous age of ninety 3. while he died he left at the back of 14 babies, 28 grandchildren, 35 super-grandchildren and a 15-foot hollow in the wall of the crematorium.