Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

one half is nine more than one third of the number... find the number

i need help with this one too...

The larger of two numbers is one more 5 times twices the smaller. If three times the larger is 11 more than 5 times the smaller number.

2007-01-31 13:24:39 · 3 answers · asked by foamy 2

3 guys are in a plane, two of the guys are flying the plane one is a rich guy going to canada from florida. The plane has a engine problem on the left wing. The plane goes down right smake on the border of canada and the United States, ware would they bary the survivers

2007-01-31 12:55:41 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 guys are in a plane, two of the guys are flying the plane one is a rich guy going to canada from florida. The plane has a engine problem on the left wing. The plane goes down right smake on the border of canada and the United States, ware would they bary the savivers

2007-01-31 12:50:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

this well leave u wondering


what comes first the chicken or the egg?you could say the chicken but what does a chicken hatch from>an egg?>but what hatches out of the egg?a chicken but where does a chicken hatch from>an egg>but what hatches from an egg?????

2007-01-31 12:49:13 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Theorem : 3=4

Proof:

Suppose:
a + b = c


This can also be written as:


4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c


After reorganising:


4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c


Take the constants out of the brackets:


4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)


Remove the same term left and right:


4 = 3

2007-01-31 12:43:20 · 7 answers · asked by sprinting_turtle 5

empire state building piked up

2007-01-31 12:37:13 · 8 answers · asked by AirlineBob 2

i had two years experiance on flts but never legal untill now, is that enough experiance to work in warehouse's say as a replen driver or dispatch could anybody advise

2007-01-31 12:34:42 · 10 answers · asked by driverfus 2

Did you hear about the Blonde who drove her pickup into the lake?

Her dog drowned while she tried to get the tailgate down.

2007-01-31 12:31:32 · 8 answers · asked by sprinting_turtle 5

I need some cheering up Give me some Blond Jokes people

2007-01-31 12:24:04 · 8 answers · asked by GBH 2

An Irish family froze to death outside a theatre last night while waiting to see a play called 'CLOSED FOR THE WINTER'

2007-01-31 12:22:07 · 19 answers · asked by Gezza D 2

The crazy English Professor at Berkeley decides to set his pupils a short story. In fact, the shortest story won a prize - but the essay had to include the following points:

1. Sex
2. Religion
3. Royalty
4. Mystery


And the winner is::

"My God!" said the Queen, "I'm pregnant! I wonder who did that?!"

2007-01-31 12:20:43 · 6 answers · asked by sprinting_turtle 5

There is a boy who had a Mom, an Aunt , and a fish that all lived with him.
The boy had a dream and he said,"Mommy! Mommy! I had a dream, auntie's going to die!" And his aunt died that day.

the next day he woke up and said, "Mommy! Mommy! I had a dream that fishy's going to die!" and his fish died that day.

The day after that he woke up and said,"Mommy! Mommy! I had a dream that Daddy's going to die!"
Now as you can remember the boy did not have a Dad.

So that day the mailman fell down at the boy's and Mom's feet, dead.

2007-01-31 12:18:13 · 13 answers · asked by Megkaye 2

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light
switch away.

8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

and.... the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighte

2007-01-31 12:10:23 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

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.Nothin'!!!! You done told 'er twiced!!!!!

2007-01-31 12:10:17 · 24 answers · asked by stringer_G 3

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?" Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said. Bush replied, "Well heck, I don�t know." St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?" Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?" St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."

2007-01-31 12:09:49 · 24 answers · asked by ☼tough lil cookie☼ 2

tell me some good redneck jokes...the best will get favorite answer!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-31 12:05:50 · 17 answers · asked by footballer 2

2007-01-31 12:03:37 · 32 answers · asked by gabby b 1

What do you get if a bunch of Bad Guys Fall in the Ocean????????????????????????????????????????????????????

2007-01-31 12:03:22 · 26 answers · asked by Pink*advice 2

(Because Bob had TWO Black eyes!!!!)
Bob:"No....."
Jim:"You get jumped or something?"
Bob:"No....."
Jim: "Then what the hell HAPPENED to you???"
Bob: " My wife had some 'Mood SWINGS'!!!!"
"She was in the "Mood" to Start SWINGING On me!"

2007-01-31 12:02:19 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner asks the new clerk: "What's with the guy over there by the wall?"

The new clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative"

The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

The new clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough."

2007-01-31 11:58:15 · 11 answers · asked by Gezza D 2

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand,
tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to
move slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest . Shhhh. Don't talk."
He was insistent."Susan ," he said in his tired voice." I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess", replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to
sleep."
"No, no, I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother"!
"I know," she replied......
"That's why I poisoned you."

2007-01-31 11:57:07 · 8 answers · asked by Gezza D 2

A woman goes to buy a parrot, and the shopkeeper says, "We've got one for £100, one for £200 and one for £15."
"Why is that one so cheap?"asks the woman. "Well, it used to live in a brothel, so it's a bit foulmouthed." The woman says she doesn't mind, so she pays her £15 and takes the parrot home.
As soon as she takes the cover off the cage, the parrot says, "F*** me,a new brothel!" Then he looks at the woman and says"F*** me,a new Madam." "I am not a Madam,and this is not a brothel" says the woman,but she thinks it's quite funny. Later on,her two teenage daughters come in."F*** me," says the parrot,"New prostitutes!" "We are not prostitutes!" , say the daughters,but they think it's quite funny too. "Wait till Dad comes in and hears this parrot,he'll go spare." So they put the parrot in the hall,the door opens and Dad comes in. Dad looks at the parrot,and the parrot looks at him,then the parrot says, "F*** me,Dave, haven't seen you for weeks."

2007-01-31 11:55:42 · 17 answers · asked by Boo 2

Try to solve this problem.......

Don't give it up so easily.

Best of Luck ..............

IF
1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?

Think.......







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Answer is 1

Are you thinking too much?
Going off the track?
Do not keep forgetting the history!

Remember the first line? 1=5?

THE MORAL IS ..........

Don't complicate simple problems.... :-) :-) :-)

2007-01-31 11:51:08 · 11 answers · asked by ||| Romeo Boy ||| 4

(FIRST, I MUST make it clear, I mean no harm or prejudice to disabled people, etc.-It is only in good humour and fun)-

A man with no arms and no legs is on a park bench. There walked by a beauiful woman , and the man called the woman over and said:
(man)-Do you mind if I ask you something?
(woman-Sure, what is it?
(man)-I don't know exactly how to put this so I am going to just say it: "I have never been kissed in my life, and I've not idea how much time I have left, would you be so kind as to kiss me?"
(woman:)-Well... uh, OK (feeling sorry for this man)
She then kissed him on the cheek and wished him well and went to walk away, it was then that the man called her back and said:
(man) Thank you for your kindness, I don't want to seem pushy, but I have also never been French kissed, would you PLEASE be so kind as to French kiss me, like I said, I have not idea how long i have leftt to live.
The woman hesitated a while, and said, "Oh bloody hell, I might as well, then I

2007-01-31 11:50:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Papa B o n e r!!


I made this one myself I know its pretty stupid but i'm bored

2007-01-31 11:50:12 · 5 answers · asked by GolfStud 1

I have been sick all day. :(

Will someone tell me a few jokes to help me feel better + Laugh??

2007-01-31 11:48:13 · 8 answers · asked by hmw95 3

2007-01-31 11:43:22 · 18 answers · asked by zarina s 1

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

2007-01-31 11:40:20 · 8 answers · asked by lorrnae 3

A quick test of intelligence. Do NOT cheat! Because if you do, the test will be no fun.

There are no Tricks to the test. Read this sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count aloud the F's in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE: do not go back and count them again

2007-01-31 11:38:26 · 21 answers · asked by xrandomnessx 2

Sara & 3 friends each bought a pumpkin at a local produce market. No 2 people carved their pumpkins to resemble same object nor did any 2 buy their pumpkins at the same market. Use the clues to determine each person's name, pumpkin design, & market (one shopped at Autumn Bounty).
1) Tim & the person who carved the pumpkin that looked like a moon (which was not purchased at Harvest of Plenty) both shopped on Saturday
2)The person who carved the pumpkin that looked like a pirate & the person who shopped at Friendly Acres(who was not Roy) both bought a very large pumpkins.
3)Neither Tim nor the person who carved the lion pumpkin shopped at Harvest of Plenty
4)The person who shopped at the Pie Patch & the person who carved the pumpkin that looked like a pirate both like to roast pumpkin seeds
5) Patsy (didnt shop at Harvest of Plenty) & the person who carved the pumpkin to resemble a lion both enjoy raking leaves
6) Neither Tim nor Roy carved the pumpkin that looked like an owl

2007-01-31 11:33:07 · 3 answers · asked by sally 2