Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-02 04:53:55 · 13 answers · asked by little bit 2

The number of the missing letters for each of the three words (I guess) is three. And these words should be easy for a dentist to guess. That's all the hint I know. I have tried searching some words to resolve this from an online medical dictionary, but I failed to find words that match with the spelling. Could you please help. Many thanks.

2007-01-02 04:53:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

ER
8:45 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 - 5 pounds lighter on the scale
9:30 - Light breakfast
11:00 - Sunbathe
12:30 - Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 - Shopping
2:30 - Run into husband's ex - notice she's gained 30lbs.
3:00 - Facial, massage, nap
7:30 - Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 - Make love
11:30 - Pillow talk in his big strong arms

HIM
10:00 - Wake up
10:02 - SEX
10:10 - Big Breakfast
11:30 - Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
2:15 - Enormous lunch with BEER
3:15 - SEX
3:25 - Play sports with the guys
4:30 - Drink BEER with the guys
6:30 - Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:40 - SEX
6:50 - Huge dinner, more BEER
8:00 - Fall asleep with BEER watching TV while dreaming of having SEX with Claudia Shiffer
11:00 - Full on, get down, gorilla SEX, more BEER
11:10 - Sleep
2:30 - Fart

2007-01-02 04:50:18 · 10 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5

2007-01-02 04:50:03 · 11 answers · asked by amberkitty10 2

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

2007-01-02 04:44:07 · 16 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5

An alcoholic's five-year old son hears about a raise on the alcohol tax. So really happy he comes clutching this morning's paper:

-Daddy, daddy, does that mean you'll be drinking less?
-No, sonny, that means you'll be eating less.

2007-01-02 04:43:54 · 27 answers · asked by Smee 2

Pity us men.........

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do somet

2007-01-02 04:34:58 · 9 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5

women's side of the story:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

2007-01-02 04:17:46 · 15 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5

any jokes u like ;)

2007-01-02 04:13:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identifi

2007-01-02 04:07:10 · 7 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5KewHEoTSM

Funny and I doubt it will work.

2007-01-02 03:54:31 · 8 answers · asked by gogoal 1

I found this riddle on a myspace bulletin does anyone know the answer??


Find the error. It's impossible!

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Did you know that 80% of UCSD students could not find the error above? Repost this with the title "find the error", and when you click "post bulletin", the answer will be really obvious

2007-01-02 03:49:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I love jokes...but preferably fairly clean please. Funniest joke (or story or funny sign) gets 10 points. :D

2007-01-02 03:48:44 · 12 answers · asked by tuxgal3 5

I am something that you can't see
Unless you look at a mirror for me
You close me away when you sleep at night
But you always find me when you see your first light
I am what I am but I'm not what you see
But without me your sight would be

2007-01-02 03:37:56 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 03:35:29 · 2 answers · asked by TURBOFINANCE 1

1. Hogarth

2. Hoggle

3. Humperdink

2007-01-02 03:30:36 · 8 answers · asked by Doug 2

2007-01-02 03:28:00 · 7 answers · asked by TURBOFINANCE 1

FIRST CORRECT ANSWER GETS 10 POINTS

2007-01-02 03:23:45 · 13 answers · asked by Because I Said So 7

I am currently stuck on level 13 of Batch 1. Would appreciate help from any one that has managed to get through batch 1!

Do I have to change from html to Url or is this just a false clue as in previous weff comments?

2007-01-02 03:21:36 · 7 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

Larry La Prise, who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", has died at the age of ninety three. The worst part was getting him into his coffin.
They put his left leg in.....and then the trouble started!

2007-01-02 03:18:22 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

And under such circumstances how is he engaged?

2007-01-02 03:13:45 · 8 answers · asked by SouthOckendon 5

2007-01-02 03:12:21 · 25 answers · asked by kiran s 1

2007-01-02 03:10:27 · 19 answers · asked by karen 2

A little man goes into a lift and sees this HUGE man standing next to him. The big man sees the little man staring up at him and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle. Turner Brown".
The little man faints and falls to the floor. The big man brings him to slapping his face, shaking him saying, "What's wrong with you?"
In a very weak and trembling voice, the little man says, "What exactly did you say?"
The big man said, "I saw the curious look on your face and just thought I would give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds, have a 20 inch penis with a 3 pound right testicle and a 3 pound left testicle and my name is Turner Brown".
The small man said, "Thank goodness, I thought you said turn around".

2007-01-02 02:57:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is so fragile that when you say its name you break it?

2007-01-02 02:40:34 · 11 answers · asked by virgo2478 2

When I am rude to people, NOTHING, when I answer politely and logically, I get a violation, I callenge Yahoo dickheads to kick me off, does anyone feel the same?

2007-01-02 02:31:44 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

ans:don't know the answer?are you confused?!!!!!!!!

2007-01-02 02:26:05 · 11 answers · asked by invinciblekarthik 2

2007-01-02 02:17:09 · 35 answers · asked by Michael A 1

same thing happened y-day! i was like"where is everyone?" after 1 1/2 hours of asking "?"s and getting told to "sod off" seeing the word "colour" etc. it dawned on me! i'm not in my home! looking around the room, i guess i should have noticed the peat-burning stove and the leftover haggis. can someone explain how this happened?

2007-01-02 02:08:59 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 02:06:01 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous