Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-18 15:10:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

why did the man bring a ladder to the party?

tehe

2007-01-18 15:05:42 · 9 answers · asked by robster60 2

A quick learner!

2007-01-18 15:03:08 · 16 answers · asked by Sandstorm222 2

A lady was curious about going into an adult store. She finally got the nerve up and walked in. She looked around the room and saw nothing but Dildos everywhere the eye could see. She asked the store clerk for some help. The store clerk asked what her price range was she told him. They walked over to a wall and he pointed to the ones in her price range. She looked and looked and finally made a decision. "I will take that big red one" she says. The clerk turned to her and said "No mam everything left of the fire extinguisher"

2007-01-18 15:00:43 · 8 answers · asked by bellagiodude 1

The door is the only way out of or into the rooms and is made of solid wood with no windows.

In the room you are in there are three switches, each controls one of three lights which are in the other room. The door is closed, and you can only open it to go into the other room, and when you enter the other room, you must close the door behind you and keep it shut. Once you go through the door you cannot return to the first room.

How do you work out which switch controls which light?

2007-01-18 14:56:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go.."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:......



Dave.............






..............you're a vet".





apparently I'm sick for thinking this is funny.. sorry.. to me it is funny.. gross, but very funny.. sorry if this offends you..

2007-01-18 14:55:19 · 6 answers · asked by nerdalicious_87 1

...be three feet tall or seven feet tall?
...never get married or live in a box?
...be with Flavor Flav or Hugh Hefner?
...wear an eyepatch or have hillbilly teeth?

2007-01-18 14:53:47 · 18 answers · asked by blueberry 3

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said,
"Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground, and spread her legs.
"Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Tarzan check for squirrels."

2007-01-18 14:38:20 · 6 answers · asked by nerdalicious_87 1

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city. They decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie, with their ten-year-old son around, was to get him to report on neighborhood activities from the balcony. They thought that spying would happily distract him for an hour or so.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
Then, "An ambulance just drove by."
A few more moments passed and he called, "Looks like the Andersons have company."
And then, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are screwing."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

2007-01-18 14:29:05 · 10 answers · asked by nerdalicious_87 1

One day Satan was complaining to GOD that he gave Jesus too much power and control, while not allowing him enough, So GOD said "Ok I will let you two have a contest and whoever wins can have control of Earth."
Both agree and decide that they will compete on computers.
SO, they build web pages, send e-mails, create documents and everything else you need to do on the computer.
All of a sudden a thunderstorm comes through and knocks out power for several hours, when the power comes back on Jesus and Satan turn their computers back on and check back on their work and everything Jesus did was still there and everything Satan did was gone. Satan starts yelling and screaming that it was fixed and he lost unfairly. GOD looked at him and said
" It was not fixed at all... Jesus saves"

2007-01-18 14:08:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

the rich want it, the poor have it, and if you eat it...you die....

2007-01-18 13:51:55 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have!

2007-01-18 13:46:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hysterical. A doctor is making his rounds at the hospital he works at early morning. A nurse walks by and notices that there is a rectal thermometer behind his ear. The nurse walks up to him and informs him of this, to which he replies, "D@mn, some @$$h0le must have my pen!"

2007-01-18 13:38:07 · 71 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-01-18 13:20:16 · 13 answers · asked by mesmerized 5

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and
told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told
the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At
last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs,
it becomes deaf.

2007-01-18 13:17:10 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 13:14:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

One morning at a doctor?s surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"


The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he
was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at

him, That?s how I strained my back"


The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What
the hell happened to you?"


He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running
late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same
time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."


The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two

Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened
to youuuuuu.....?"


"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

2007-01-18 13:11:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Besides me...i know someone lame will say it...

2007-01-18 13:11:03 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 13:08:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

while close by stood a small boy sobbing and crying out, daddy, daddy, all right,son, said the constable trying to comfort him, which one,s your daddy? thats what they.re fighting about, he cried.

2007-01-18 13:05:28 · 9 answers · asked by DEBORAH M 2

if this guy asked u out on a date and he was so ugly but is was cute at the same time but everyone thought he was a dork would u go out on the date with him or not

PLZ WRITE BACK CAUSE I NEED 2 KNOW

2007-01-18 13:04:48 · 23 answers · asked by bad ass burgess 1

The pig fell in the dirt

2007-01-18 12:53:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-18 12:43:38 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

a boxer went to the doctor complaining he couldn't sleep,the doctor said have you tried counting sheep ?yes said the boxer but every time i get to 9 i get up again ........lol

2007-01-18 12:41:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

ccan i get gmail.com

2007-01-18 12:35:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

the roof has collapsed at tesco in india 2 people were killed,,,, still every little helps lol

2007-01-18 12:26:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A teacher of English in Gotham, the legendary city famous for the not-so-bright, told his class of aspiring wirter,"Any good short story always contains one or more of these essentials: religion, emaotion, sex, mystery, surpise, and royalty. For you next assignment, write a story using as many of these essentials as possible."
The best one was only one line long:
"My God!" wept the beauty-contest queen. "I'm pregnant! Who can the father be?"

When a man brings his wife a gift for no reason, there's a reason.

sex: the most fun you can have without laughing

2007-01-18 12:26:25 · 12 answers · asked by diggerml 3

A certain family consists of 1 grandfather, 1 grandmother, 2 fathers, 2 mothers, 4 children, 3 grandchildren, 1 brother, 2 sisters, 2 sons, 2 daughters, 1 father-in-law, 1 mother-in-law, and 1 daughter-in-law. How many people are there altogether?


EXPAIN YOUR ANSWER

2007-01-18 12:16:13 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you started taking a dump and you found out that you are out of toilet paper what would you do?? 10 pts for the best answer.

2007-01-18 12:14:28 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman decide to buy a parrot. it cost $50. the salesclerck says its cheaper because it used to live at a horehouse and knows some vulgar language. she buys it anyway. she bring it hame and it says " new home, new madame" the woman's daughters come in and the parrot says "new home, new madame, new whores" they decide to laugh that one off. the woman's husband, ray, comes in and the parrot says " new home, new whores, old costomers. hey ray."

2007-01-18 12:13:19 · 7 answers · asked by star42430 5