Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

all the things u show were when someone goes in your emile and miss spell things

2006-12-28 11:58:01 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

ive lost my head! im crazy, im stupid! that's all, :D

Darn.

2006-12-28 11:57:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I really need to laugh hard! Please!!!!! Anything funny!!!!!!!

2006-12-28 11:42:44 · 7 answers · asked by Chelle 2

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a
moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying

"Well, we're not having any of that brokeback mountain sh!t in our garden.

2006-12-28 11:35:37 · 26 answers · asked by a m 4

A man and his neighbor were heading out to their local golf course for a game on a sunny afternoon. The man arrived at the course, but he was waiting for quite a while, as his neighbor hadn’t turned up yet. Then he noticed a chap, a good acquaintance of his, carrying a golf bag walking there and waving “Hi”. The man called out to him,

MAN: "Would you like to join me for a game?"

CHAP: "Sure, I’ll be glad to join you."

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the chap. Part way around the course, the man asks the chap,

MAN: "What do you do for a living?"

CHAP: "I'm a hit man."

MAN: "You're joking!"

CHAP: "No, I'm not,"

The chap reaches out into his golf bag, and pulls out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.

CHAP: "Here are my tools."

MAN: "That's a beautiful telescopic sight; can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

(contd. below...)

2006-12-28 11:34:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A pregnant Irish girl phones her mother and says " Ma I tink me waters have broke".
The mother says " Holy mother of Mary! Where are you ringing from my child, and the daughter says.

From me minge to me ankles

2006-12-28 11:24:24 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day Jesus and Moses were playing golf. Jesus said " Moses give me a 5 wood" and Moses replied "
Lord this shot requires a 5 iron". Jesus said "I made Tiger Woods and if Tiger can do it so can I".
So he shoots and it lands in the water. Jesus then says "Moses go get the ball". So Moses walks
over parts the water and pick up the ball and brings it back. Then Jesus proceedes to tell Moses
to hand him the 5 wood and Moses said "Lord I really think this shoot reqires a 5 Iron. Jesus replys
" I made Tiger Woods and if Tiger can do it so can I". So Jesus grabs the wood and proceeds to
land the ball in the water. Jesus tells Moses to go get the ball and Moses says"I will Lord but this
is the last time because you wont listen". So Moses walks over to the water parts it gets the ball
and walks back. Then Jesus asks for the 5 wood again and Moses reminds him about the iron and Jesus says
"I made Tiger Woods and if Tiger can do it so can I". So Jesus hits the ball and PLOP it lands in the water
and he says Moses get the ball. To which Moses replies "Lord I will not" so Jesus walks over to the water,
walks on top of it, reaches down and picks up the ball. The whole time this is going on 2 old golfers are
standing next to Moses and says "Who does that man think he is.. Jesus Christ?" Moses replies
"actually it is Jesus Christ but he thinks he's Tiger Woods!"

2006-12-28 11:23:48 · 5 answers · asked by momof3 6

about the Irish fella ? Took a book back to the library and said it was no good...full of names he couldn't pronounce and the story line was rubbish. The woman said......ah so your'e the one who's got our telephone directory !!!!

2006-12-28 11:21:47 · 18 answers · asked by Shredder 6

and notice a white sticky patch on the wall. thats funny says the brunette, thats looks like spunk. the red head snifs the air and says yep and it smells like spunk. the blonde puts her finger in the sticky patch, licks her finger and says well its no body from our office

why do blondes wear knickers ... to keep their ankles warm

why are breasts like toy trains ....there both intended for children but usually get played with by men

2006-12-28 11:15:36 · 15 answers · asked by amethyst2 4

how many we you have to say to say wii.

you can never stop because the person you try to speak is death

2006-12-28 11:13:21 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tell the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc". The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".

(contd. below...)

2006-12-28 11:05:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a billand say's. "Here’s that $20 I owe you,"

2006-12-28 11:04:59 · 17 answers · asked by a m 4

The Perfect Man

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.

The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

2006-12-28 11:03:12 · 7 answers · asked by hey 4

What is a wonderful prank you have pulled on someone? I love tricking people and messing with heads! In a nice way.

2006-12-28 11:01:59 · 23 answers · asked by Tropicalboy 3

like a burial plot so that when she dies she will know where she will end up. So the husband dutifully buys it for he.

The next year she thinks that he has forgotten her birthday and the day after, asks him why. He answers "You haven't used last years yet!"

2006-12-28 10:58:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Type the 1st thing that comes to mind about these words
Pink\
Blue\Dog\
Cat\Gay
\straight\
art\\girls
\boys\cars\
shoes

2006-12-28 10:43:51 · 11 answers · asked by Lil Hughes 3

A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a ******* from a nun."

The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."

"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.

"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"

"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."

2006-12-28 10:42:27 · 19 answers · asked by hey 4

10 Reasons why Golf is better than Sex
1.A below par performance is considered damn good.
2.You can stop in the middle and have a burger and a couple of beers.
3.Foursomes are encouraged.
4.You can still make money doing it as a senior.
5.Three times a day is possible.
6.It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
7.Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
8.You don't have to cuddle your partner when you're finished.
9.If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
10.If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

2006-12-28 10:33:14 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I sure do need one this week.I give 10 points to the preson that does.

2006-12-28 10:22:10 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I started singing it not knowing what it was and i'll continue singing it forever just because.......This is the son...............heeeelp?
How do I stooooooop?!?!???

2006-12-28 10:20:35 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-28 10:10:32 · 11 answers · asked by Jeremy 4

2006-12-28 10:04:14 · 15 answers · asked by Jeremy 4

2006-12-28 10:02:52 · 13 answers · asked by KENSINGTON 1

2006-12-28 09:27:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Polish man moved 2 USA n married an American girl.They got along very well until 1 day he rushed in2 a lawyer's office n askd him if he cud arrange a divorce 4 him.
The lawyer said tht getting a divorce wud depend on the circumstances, n asked him the foll. questions:
Hav u ny grounds?
Yes,an acre n half n nice little home.
No,I mean wat is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of u hav a real grudge?
No,we have carport,and not need one.
I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in ur marriage?
We hav hi-fidelity stereo n good DVD player.
Does ur wife beat you up?
No, I always up be4 her.
Is ur wife a ******?
No, she white.
Y do u want this divorce?
She is going to kill me.
wat makes u think tht?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going 2 poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore n put on shelf in bathroom. It say "Polish Remover."

2006-12-28 09:21:20 · 17 answers · asked by cartman 2

2006-12-28 09:20:03 · 9 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

After a long journey abroad, a man returned home to find his wife pregnant.

man : Can you explain to me how you can be pregnant if I was away for a year...?

wife : You want the truth, during your absence I use to watch TV show "Who Wants To be The Millionaire " and one night I had no choice and I had to call a friend and ask for his help....

man : You called a friend and asked him for a help... Well I am really grateful to you and must thank you... Thanks God you did not ask for the audience help....!

2006-12-28 09:17:17 · 19 answers · asked by hib hib 2

Does it? I kind of of got what it was!

2006-12-28 09:14:05 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer: One clicks on an icon, and a window opens!

2006-12-28 09:04:22 · 12 answers · asked by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6

if u wanna know the answer, email me,

2006-12-28 09:03:22 · 11 answers · asked by just me 2