Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

2006-12-28 14:44:12 · 32 answers · asked by audrey_halley2004 4

Ok so this riddle was on that show like ten years ago or something... but I want to see how many people either saw the show or just know it. So if you know the answer, please state whether you saw it or are just that good :)
--What can you put in to a barrel, that you can see with the naked eye, that makes the barrel lighter?

2006-12-28 14:43:43 · 8 answers · asked by *NuBCaKe* 4

I ussually laugh for dumb jokes because there lame!

2006-12-28 14:27:48 · 8 answers · asked by My Poetry Is Deep I Neva Fail 4

ok so your pushing your car you stop and hand someone some mony you wate your turn and push your car again

what are you doin ?????

2006-12-28 14:18:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were these two guys joe and jim playing poker and decided to get risky they decide to play strip poker and the loser has to go down to the corner store naked and buy snacks. Jim loses and goes to get the snacks but on his way back to the apt. he see three nuns not wanting to offend he jumps behind a bush and is hidden except for his penis. so the first nun walks past sees the di_k says wats thisand grabs it jim yells and throws his pop. the nun says hey a vending machine and the second one gives it a shot and she gets a bag of chips. So then the thrid on yanks it. Nothing she does it again nothing finally she yanks it five times really hard. They ask her what she got and she said Hand Lotion.

2006-12-28 14:15:24 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

My husband told me this stupid joke and thinks it's so funny...
A pirate went into a bar and he had a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. A guy goes up too him and says hey dumb a-s-s you know you have a steering wheel hanging out your pants and the pirate says arrrrr i know it's driving me nuts...

Was that not the corniest s**t you ever heard???

2006-12-28 14:09:44 · 20 answers · asked by tink19812003 3

2006-12-28 14:06:08 · 6 answers · asked by Dee 1

i don't! i always wish i did! but i don't instead i have about a group of ten of us and we are all great friends..but none of us are that close exept me and Sammy Sams (real name kalie so yeah its a long story!) who is a super cool chicka! but she has been gone alot lately...oh no i think i am gonna cry! will you join my friends group?

2006-12-28 13:53:38 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: What do you call a terrorists on the moon?
A: A problem.
Q:What do you call five terrorists on the moon?
A: A problem.
Q: What do you call all the terrorists on the moon?
A: Problem solved...

*Note: you can use any race or type of person in this joke. I chose terrorists so I wouldn't offend anyone.*

2006-12-28 13:41:14 · 15 answers · asked by gungrave4531 2

Just curious-

Don't worry, the cat still has 7 more lives

2006-12-28 13:35:56 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have been stuck on this for weeks, Anyone have the answer or a better hint thanks

2006-12-28 13:13:32 · 7 answers · asked by Lexy 1

sorry, cant help it
http://veryfunnyads.com/ads/24752.html

2006-12-28 13:08:00 · 13 answers · asked by coco puffy. 5

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said:

"I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied:

"I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear:

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:

"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal, "we have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore: "**** you!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said:

"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

2006-12-28 13:01:11 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

but becuase it was a mild winter, they resorted to alternate materials. One boy chose playdough and the other chose cookie dough. Which one was the superior doughman and why?

2006-12-28 12:59:37 · 12 answers · asked by dotcombust007 3

So, the Pastor of a non denominational Church, the Bishop of a Catholic church, and a Jewish Priest go out to lunch together about once a month to discuss their similarities in theology. One Sunday they discussed "You can't take it with you". So they made a pact that whoever died first, the other two would put $10,000 in their grave and if you can, the other would have it when they got to Heaven.

Sure enough soon after, the Pastor died. So the Bishop and the Priest go to the funeral. After the funeral the Catholic says to the Jew, "I have a confession to make, I didn't put any money in the casket".

The Jew looks at him, tilts his head down and says, "You disappoint me. We agreed. I put in a check for the full amount".

2006-12-28 12:57:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

you are driving your brand new 2 seater car in the rain. you pass the bus stop. there you see your best friend, an elderly woman who is about to die and the woman of your dreams. you cannot call for help and by the time you give 1 of them a ride the bus would have already come. if you refuse a ride to the eldely woman she will die. if you refuse a ride to your best friend he/she will never forgive you. if you refuse a ride to the woman of your dreams you will never see her again. Who do you give a ride to?

2006-12-28 12:55:03 · 10 answers · asked by Geo K 4

once again, PLEASE NO RUDE JOKES! idiodic and retarded jokes are ok

2006-12-28 12:50:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-28 12:45:06 · 11 answers · asked by sakura7blossoms 2

Three guys are standing in a room talking, an italian and frechman and a redneck. The italian guy says,"When I make-a duh lov to my-a woman,I kiss her all-a over and-a she-a floats three feet of-a da bed in extasy."
So the french man, not to be ouot-done says,"When I make-a zee love to my lovair,I lick hair all ovair zee boday, she floats ten feet of-a zee bed in extasy."
So the redneck says,'Well that ain't nuttin....after I am done porkin my ole lady, I wipe my wiener on them curtains on the winder and she hits the roof!"

2006-12-28 12:37:43 · 12 answers · asked by *NuBCaKe* 4

2006-12-28 12:34:53 · 44 answers · asked by DDT 2

This joke was told to me by a very devout Christian, so I hope it doesn't offend anyone. Here goes...

Jesus is on the cross. Suddenly he calls out "Peter! Come here! I need to speak to you!" Peter, at the back of the crowd, rushes forward, yelling "I am coming, Lord!" Jesus again cries out, "Peter! Come here! I need to speak to you!" Peter pushes his way through the crowd yelling, "I'm coming, Lord, I'm coming!" Jesus calls out to him again, "Peter! Come here! I need to speak to you!" Peter pushes all the way through the crowds and begins fighting past a line of Roman soldiers. Jesus callsout to him again, "Peter! Come here! I need to speak to you!" Peter pushes past the soldiers, runs to the foot of the cross and cries out, "I'm here Lord! I'm here at your feet. What do you wish to tell me?" Jesus looks down at him and says "I can see my house from here."

2006-12-28 12:33:57 · 48 answers · asked by tranquility_base3@yahoo.com 5

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-12-28 12:28:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

so this guy is drowning and a boat comes by. they ask do you need help? the guy says no, God will save me. so he's still drowning and a boat comes by and they ask, do you need help? and the guy says no, God will save me. so then he dies and goes to heaven and asks God Why didnt you save me?? and God says....
I sent you two boats dummy!!!

2006-12-28 12:28:25 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are always lame jokes....so let's hear yours...

P.S. keep it somewhat clean! THANKS! :)

2006-12-28 12:20:26 · 9 answers · asked by rcvhoya 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GCnePKaOEw

2006-12-28 12:20:21 · 2 answers · asked by davie 1

so this lady is pregnant and she goes to the hospital with her husband and the doc says that he has a new machine that transfers some of the pain the mother is feeling into the father. the doc asks them if they want to try it. they say ok. so the doc puts it on 10% so it doesn't hurt that much. the dad says he doesnt feel a thing. so the doc puts it on 20% but the dad still doesnt feel andything. so the doc puts it on 50% and the dad like i feel fine.
then the doc puts it on 100% and the dad is still saying that he didnt feel anything. so they get through the labor and then 3 days later they go home and they find the mailman dead on the porch.

2006-12-28 12:17:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men are discussing their previous night's lovemaking.

The Italian says, "My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil,
then we make wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes."

The Frenchman says, "I smooth sweet butter on my wife's body,
then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour."

The Jew says, "I covered my wife's body with schmaltz [chicken fat] and we made love. She screamed for six hours."

The others say, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six
hours?"

He shrugs. "I wiped my hands on the drapes.

2006-12-28 12:15:29 · 15 answers · asked by a m 4

A long, long time ago, in England and Greece,

if you could solve a riddle you were thought to be

very wise and smart. See if you are wise, and can

solve a riddle, (from my book, I didn't make them up.)





Riddle from England:



The more you feed it,

the more it will grow high.

But if you give it water,

then it will quickly die.

WHAT AM I?




Riddle from India:



I wear many coats,

And I have a hot temper!

What am I?



Riddle from England:

Flour of England, fruit of Spain,

met together in a shower of rain:

Put in a bag tied round with string,

If you tell me this riddle, I'll give you a ring.




This riddle is easy: ((United States))


What flies forever,

and rests never?

Everywhere in the World, people and children love to ask riddles
and try to answer them.

2006-12-28 12:09:43 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ rararararara 1

he is here he is there he is everywhere right

2006-12-28 12:06:21 · 2 answers · asked by dena day 1

and bouncer says, "You cant come in unless you've got a tie."

So bloke goes to his car, gets a pair of jumpleads, ties them around his neck and goes back to the club.

"So can I get in now?", he asks the doorman.

"Yeah", says the bouncer, "As long as you don't start anything"

2006-12-28 11:58:13 · 33 answers · asked by Ecko 4