Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

How will u keep an elephant inside a refrigerator in three steps inly...

2006-12-28 18:35:32 · 13 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

If your up to your neck in s**t and someone throws a bucket of snot at u do u duck??

2006-12-28 18:31:15 · 13 answers · asked by Nate Dogg 2

2006-12-28 18:23:13 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word - from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

2006-12-28 18:15:01 · 3 answers · asked by Eric H 4

Today is my boyfriend's sister's birthday. She is 30 and i was looking for a prank that we could do to her since its her birthday. I came up with a few:

-steal her license plates and hide them from her
-get a box and decorate it as a cake and give it to her and make her think its actually a cake when its not

does anybody have any suggestions for a good prank? we want it to be kinda mean..but not too mean...we dont want her to get really mad at us!!

10 pts to coolest prank

2006-12-28 18:12:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Skye, just learned how to drive and went down a one-way street in teh wrong direction but didn't break the law. How is this possible?

2006-12-28 18:06:45 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida,
his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email,
unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address,
he did his best to type it from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint, at the sound,
her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.....


DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...

P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE

2006-12-28 17:58:19 · 12 answers · asked by ??? 1

Last time, we had this following riddle:

What do you call a talking shoe?
A: A walkie-talkie!

Hehhe.... and here is today's riddle:

Why were the suspenders arrested?

Have fun! :)

2006-12-28 17:45:55 · 16 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

I try to make new friends by telling jokes to ppl but they arent workin. Suggestions??

2006-12-28 17:38:06 · 7 answers · asked by Dragon's Heart 2

I need some fresh jokes. Not the ones you heard a few years ago, something that you know is new. I would prefer no children's jokes, also, no crude jokes, no cursing. Has to be for any adult audience.

2006-12-28 17:32:06 · 11 answers · asked by KatM 1

Two kids sell lemonade on their street at separate concession stands. One kid sells at 2 cups for $1 and the other at 3 for $1. They each sell 30 cups one day, so Kid #1 makes $15 and Kid #2 makes $10.

The next day, Kid #2 gets sick and hands over his sales to Kid #1, and Kid #1 sells them for the same price that Kid #2 did, at 3 for $1, while still selling his own cups at 2 for $1. At a combined 5 for $2, he sells 60 cups, but only ends up with $24. How is that possible?

I'll try to simplify it for you with this little chart...

Day 1...
Kid #1: 30 @ 2 for $1=$15
Kid #2: 30 @ 3 for $1=$10
TOTAL SALES FOR DAY=$25

Day 2 (combined)...
Kid #1: 2 for $1+3 for $1=5 for $2
60 @ 5 for $2=$24

btw, the answer has nothing to do with making 5 for $2 from 3 for $1 and 2 for $1. If he alternates, he ends up getting $1 for 3 cups and $1 for 2 cups, so he ends up with $2 and sold 5 cups, which is 5 for $2.

MWAHAHAHAHA...

Can you solve it?

2006-12-28 17:26:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions - "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

2006-12-28 17:22:06 · 24 answers · asked by connie a 1

A ship is ONLY capable of carrying 100 people. The captain counts 99 people entering the ship, then boards himself. The ship sinks. How come?

Answer in 10-15 minutes or 1st one with correct answer will get 'best answer.'

2006-12-28 17:08:06 · 20 answers · asked by Cougie 2

2006-12-28 17:04:42 · 30 answers · asked by invinciblekarthik 2

HIIII,im looking for a super funny website that had the song "who let the dogs out" and show a lot a funny pic of the most ugly fat women uhauhauhauha please u have the link !!!!! grazie ke ridere

2006-12-28 17:03:11 · 3 answers · asked by ｡✿*ﾟ‘ﾟ･✿.｡ラムLAMUラム｡✿*ﾟ‘ﾟ･✿.｡ 4

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

2006-12-28 17:02:59 · 11 answers · asked by lil miss mystery 2

There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

2006-12-28 16:59:52 · 14 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

A guy who works at a store that sells rifles discovers that his wife was seeing another man. He overheard a phone conversation and learned that, at the present moment that he was at work, the guy would go over to their house. So the rifle seller devises a plan: a man comes into the store to buy a rifle and the seller says, "I'll give you the rifle for free if you'll do something for me."

The buyer says, "Okay, sure."

The seller says, "See that house up on the hill? My wife is in there having an affair with another man. You can have that rifle if you can kill my wife."

So he gives the guy a bullet, as the guy positions the rifle, the seller says, "On second thought, shoot the guy's d.ick off, too, just to rub it in."

As he goes to get a second bullet, the buyer looks through the scope and says, "Hang on...I think I can do this with one shot..."

lol!

2006-12-28 16:59:37 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-28 16:58:40 · 16 answers · asked by mitchellar31 3

Think of words ending in -gry. 'Angry' and 'hungry' are two of them. What is the third word in the English language? You use it every day, and if you were listening carefully, I've just told you what it is.

2006-12-28 16:48:06 · 22 answers · asked by mitchellar31 3

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

2006-12-28 16:01:47 · 47 answers · asked by Dreaming♥ 5

2006-12-28 16:00:26 · 9 answers · asked by Amanda 6

A frog walks into a bank and says "I wanna loan."

"Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black's desk, she is the loan manager, I'm sure she will be happy to talk to you," The head desk says.

The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black's desk and says, "I wanna loan."

Mrs. Black says, "Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here..." At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.

She asks, confused, "What is this?"

The frog croaks back, "I wanna loan." She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, "I don't get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?"

The boss laughs and says, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"

2006-12-28 15:44:34 · 16 answers · asked by Dreaming♥ 5

A 80 yr old nun goes to see a ginacolgest. when the doctor is through checking her he says, everything looks alright except for one thing.
The Nun ask whats that? the dodcor said, Looks like you've got the crabs.
The Nun looks at him and says I can't have the crabs I'm a 80 yr old Nun. I've NEVER had sex. she is so upset she leaves his office and goes to another doctor. As he is checking her she tells him what the other doctor told her. He said Well the other doctor was wrong. You don't have the crabs. Your cherry is so old you have FRUIT FLIES

2006-12-28 15:31:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your Pit Bull is sportin' mo bling-bling than your babys mama

2006-12-28 15:26:17 · 17 answers · asked by Mr.Obvious 2

You only get one guess

2006-12-28 15:18:38 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

her what she was doing she replied " my computer kept telling me I had mail".

2006-12-28 15:18:28 · 32 answers · asked by audrey_halley2004 4

What do you call:

A man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?



A man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?



A man with no arms and no legs on your front porch?


Whom ever can give me the answers to these and give me some more gets the points, and it's not like who ever does it first just give me some more good ones!

2006-12-28 15:14:45 · 12 answers · asked by jcturtle001 4

holler at him !

2006-12-28 15:04:18 · 23 answers · asked by audrey_halley2004 4

Yay?

2006-12-28 14:55:59 · 9 answers · asked by j_montgomery_50 2