Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

a guy came home from a party, took off his clothes, turned off the light and went to bed. then when he woke up he turned on the radio, heard something, went to the closet and shot himself. why?!?!? (something along those lines)

2006-12-29 04:24:53 · 8 answers · asked by x plug in baby xo 4

what starts on 4 lives on 2 and dies on 3 ?

2006-12-29 04:15:12 · 10 answers · asked by Whitto 1

1. They come in a set!
2. If you don't wind them, they don't work!
3. If one breaks, the rest are useless!
4. They go from high to low!
5. It's not "Wind Chimes"

2006-12-29 04:04:57 · 8 answers · asked by Elizabeth S 1

2006-12-29 04:01:52 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud.)
One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma *****. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma *****. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma *****. So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not piss on bed you sonna ma *****. I don't even know the man and he call me a sonna ma *****. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ''Peace unto you'' I say ''Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma *****. I gonna back to Italy''

2006-12-29 03:46:25 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

only 1 joke so make it count

2006-12-29 03:43:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

i feel sorry for him so i try to make him feel better what can be done to help him make better jokes cause he sucks

2006-12-29 03:35:58 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

They had just been married. They were simple folk of the land and rode off from the wedding with all their worldly possessions on a small wooden cart, pulled by a donkey.
After a while, the donkey stumbled and fell to it's knees. The groom got off the cart, went to the donkey and pulled him to his feet by the ears, "That's once" he said.
A little while later the donkey fell again. He was pulled up by his ears a second time and told, "That's twice."
The third time the donkey's knees gave out, the groom got off the cart, unpacked his shotgun from in back, and blew the donkey's brains out.
New wife:
"What have you done? That was our donkey! He gave us our only means of transportation! He would have helped us work the land! What on earth were you thinking when you did that?!!!!!"

The groom became a little pensive, clasped his hands together and hung his head. Then he looked up into his new brides's eyes and said, "That's once."

2006-12-29 03:32:51 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-29 03:17:05 · 3 answers · asked by Jane H 4

Three builders were just sitting down on top of a skyscraper to eat their lunch
The first builder slammed his lunchbox in disgust
"My wife has made me a cheese sandwich!"
The second builder does the same and complains that his sandwich is cheese as well
The third one does the same they all made a deal if they get the same sandwich tommorow then they will jump off the building.The next day the first builder opens his lunchbox to find that he has a cheese sandwich so he jumps.The second buider opens up his lunchbox to find that he has a cheese sandwich as well so he jumps the third one sees that hes got a cheese sandwich and jumps as well.The boss of the builders goes up to the first builders wife and tell her the bad news"I knew i should of put ham in his sandwich!" she criedThe boss goes to the second one and she cries out "I knew i should of put jam in his sandwich"The boss went up to the third one and says the same but she burst out laughing.
"The idiot makes his own sandwiches!

2006-12-29 03:14:55 · 22 answers · asked by Bubblegum_Faeire 3

What do you get if your donkey eats 2 of my rooster's feet?

2006-12-29 03:14:46 · 8 answers · asked by trader4578 4

What is greater than God,
More evil than the devil,
The poor have it,
The rich need it,
And if you eat it, you'll die?
Think on this.
Solve it you'll be my best answerer!!!

2006-12-29 02:53:13 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pick the right one.

2006-12-29 02:46:13 · 25 answers · asked by Robby 2

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

2006-12-29 02:21:11 · 14 answers · asked by A W 3

1.
:Me and my wife had enjoyed at the sea beach last year!!
:like how?
:first, she gravved me with sand, then i DID the same 2 her.
:Great, u had a great time there!
:let's see! I will go 2 next year! See if i can get her out 4rm the sand.
2.
Guest:yes, i like this room! but i need an attached Bathroom!
Receptionist: This isn't ur room!! this is a LIFT!
3.
there was a thin man, who was buying a newspaper 4rm outside of the resturant, when he came back 2 his seat, he saw a BIG FAT MAN sitting on his chair!
:Excuse me, SIR!! But it was my seat!
:prove it!
:well, i left an icecream on it!
3.
:do you know, when you smoke a cigarrate, u lost lifespan of 3 days!
:so according to ur calculation, i have been dead for 200 years!
4.
:mother, did u know, for only, 1 NUMBER, i havn't got a 100 in math?
:oh, u got 99 in math then?
:no, "00", i lost the front 1 of the 100
5.
i killed all the tiger of north pole
but there is no tiger in north pole
that's because i killed them

2006-12-29 02:18:47 · 11 answers · asked by Annoymous 3

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.

2006-12-29 02:15:55 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

can u crack my upper question?????

2006-12-29 02:02:15 · 16 answers · asked by neelshahbombay888 1

Sven and Olaf worked together in a factory and both were laid off.
So...dey went to the Unemployment Office togedder.
Asked his occupation, Olaf said, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic on to ladies cotton panties."

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Olaf $300 a week in unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation he replied, "Diesel Fitter". Since
Diesel Fitterwas a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.

When Olaf found this out, he was furious! He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his benefits.

The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled, and Diesel
Fitters are skilled labor."

"What skill?", yelled Olaf. "I sew da elastic on da panties. Olaf puts dem overhis head and says;


"Yah, ------------- DIESEL FITTER."

2006-12-29 01:53:53 · 16 answers · asked by aka.rene 5

2006-12-29 01:19:51 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

he doesnt laugh or argue.... ever. He must be a character surely

2006-12-29 00:42:47 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical- looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500." "Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer. The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."

The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs
$1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question,
"What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

2006-12-29 00:21:00 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know both styles have different benefits, but in terms of the benefit of a total workout, which would be most effective?

2006-12-29 00:13:09 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What letter in the alphabet comes two before the letter which comes five after the letter that comes three places after the letter H?

2006-12-29 00:08:21 · 29 answers · asked by Anilash A 1

2006-12-29 00:05:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anilash A 1

2006-12-28 23:58:16 · 48 answers · asked by Ian M 1

What came first?
It's buggin me and i want to know.
the chiken or the egg??????????

2006-12-28 23:54:57 · 41 answers · asked by zaza 1

Law school.

2006-12-28 23:42:55 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

More ideas for this good time song.

2006-12-28 23:41:32 · 34 answers · asked by Kevinlad 3

A guy who’s just finished some shopping gets in his car when suddenly a man with a gun gets in the passenger seat & tells him, “Drive”

“Wallet, Gimme your wallet”
The man driving at 60 mph hands it over.

‘Rolex, hmmm, nice, take it off. Hurry up!”
The driver accelerates to 70 mph & takes off the watch.

“You got a cell phone don’t ya?” “Hand it over”
The driver turns into an alley, speeds up to 80 mph & gives the guy his phone.

“Now, anything you got that I don’t have yet?”
The driver steps on the accelerator hard & just before they hit the dead end wall says,
“Airbag”

2006-12-28 23:22:39 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What`s that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful... I had tennis elbow once."

2006-12-28 23:19:34 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous