only 1 joke so make it count
2006-12-29 03:43:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What`s that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful... I had tennis elbow once."
2006-12-29 04:17:53 · answer #1 · answered by ☺C☺h☺a☺r☺l☺o☺t☺t☺e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn`t understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.
When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord`s Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn`t understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.
Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.
Then the preacher said some words that he didn`t understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too.
Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down. After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving.
When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don`t speak Spanish."
The missionary recruit replied: "No, I don`t. Is it that obvious?"
"Well, yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."
2006-12-29 04:39:43 · answer #2 · answered by tz 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
one day, a married couple went to the doctor for a check-up because the women was pregnant."Ok," the doctor aid. "we've come up with some new technology that transfers some of the pain the mother is bearing to the father." The mother was in a lot of pain and her husband was willing to do anything to take her out of her misery. so they told the doctor, "yes we'll do it." the doctor said, "alright just hit this red button' the man did but nothing happened. he hit again, but still he fet nothing. "Doc, this issn't working!" the doctor figured it just wasn't working and the man hit the button a few more times, still nothing. When they went home, the milkman was dead on the porch.
2006-12-29 03:58:01 · answer #3 · answered by blondywithabrain 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK there was this guy and he goes to this bar on the twentieth floor, when he gets up there he sees a man in the corner drinking something really Fancy. then the man in the corner runs and jumps out the building on the twentieth floor and lives and he gets back to bar and hes fine. so the guy that just walked in said i will have what hes haven! so the drinks about 3 glasses and runs and jumps out the window and dies. then the bartender said to the guy in there corner,"you know your a real dick when your drunk super man!" (lol)
2006-12-29 05:03:19 · answer #4 · answered by SinisterKid 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
2007-01-01 10:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok so theres this man and he is real lonely he lives alone so one day he went to the pet store
and got a parot to keep him busy and when he took the parot home all he did was curse everything the man had so one day the man was watching tv and the bird kept cursing him
so the man sayed ok im fed up you curse me one more time im gonna put do in the freezer
and the parot sayed I DARE YOU ***** so he did long story short the man fell asleep and
forgot about the bird when he got up and opnened the freezer the parot was frozen but he had his middle finger up SO THE BIRD DIED CURSING
2007-01-01 13:47:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
A dad decide to take his three little girls fishing..
On the trip the oldest asks he father " Dad why did you and mommy name me rose?"
"well because when you were born the doctor dropped a rose on your forehead"
the the 2nd oldest asked
"dad why did you and mommy name me Lily then?"
"well" replied the dad "When you were born the doctor dropped a lily on your fore head"
All the sudden you hear
blah dudhfasjdfhlasdfjk
"SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
2006-12-29 04:04:31 · answer #7 · answered by LaceFace09 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
ok. i post this one up once. What's red and goes up and down?? A tomato in an elevator!! lol. i think it's funny.
2006-12-29 03:50:28 · answer #8 · answered by jgottwerth 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Bar owner to bartender, "Are you sleeping with that waitress?"
Bartender, "No."
Bar owner, "Good, then you fire her."
2006-12-30 20:30:19 · answer #9 · answered by bendabomb85 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋