Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

what appears in the light and becomes even more visible in the dark and completely disappears in a hole


GLue
Open
Wow
dIrt
meN
Time
Hot
donE
Dip
radAR
sKip
Capper
hOme
Now
Day
tOte
tiMw

good luck

2006-12-28 09:01:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow, rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow, storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally, the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio broke."

2006-12-28 08:47:07 · 16 answers · asked by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly... Peter, Peter, something or other..."

2006-12-28 08:45:50 · 30 answers · asked by Anna =] 3

2006-12-28 08:45:26 · 13 answers · asked by just me 2

answer if u r genius!

2006-12-28 08:40:20 · 11 answers · asked by viper 2

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. At the appropriate moment following the eulogy, as his friends and colleagues watched, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. I'm a Gynecologist."

That's when the Proctologist fainted.

2006-12-28 08:25:29 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

2006-12-28 08:22:54 · 13 answers · asked by fire.kisser 2

It's a cold winter day. you go into a room with a lamp, a stove, and a kerosene heater. you have only one match. what do you light first?

2006-12-28 08:14:42 · 17 answers · asked by Jordan 1

2006-12-28 08:11:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-28 08:04:23 · 14 answers · asked by lisa b 1

2006-12-28 08:02:09 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-28 08:00:54 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

2006-12-28 07:59:19 · 4 answers · asked by Rain-- 3

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.

They ask,"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

2006-12-28 07:58:51 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

What Do u Call Cheese That's Not YOUR'S?
nacho cheese!!!! (as in:not your cheese!)

i know,it's cheesey,but i love it!

2006-12-28 07:48:18 · 4 answers · asked by Fo-Shizzle 1

2006-12-28 07:47:37 · 5 answers · asked by My Poetry Is Deep I Neva Fail 4

A blonde calls her mom...

"Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"

"Really dear? How's that possible?"

"I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'"

2006-12-28 07:47:20 · 25 answers · asked by Rain-- 3

2006-12-28 07:47:09 · 23 answers · asked by fifi 2

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

2006-12-28 07:46:14 · 7 answers · asked by Rain-- 3

Came someone tell me a joke. I feel like laughing.

2006-12-28 07:35:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

This guy goes to a wh---house and gets a wh--e for $10.
The next day he's itching like crazy. He goes back to the hooker to complain, saying, "You gave me crabs!"

She says, "What do you expect for $10, lobster?"

2006-12-28 07:30:29 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

mine kinda looks like me except my hair is brown and the avatar is thinner than me but i'm not fat,at least I don't think so.....

2006-12-28 07:29:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you . What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

2006-12-28 07:25:35 · 19 answers · asked by cakelady 3

no thankyou god will save me and another boat came by they asked him do you need any help and he said no thank you god will save me and he drowned and went to heaven and he askes god how come you didn't save me and god said i sent you two big boats you dumbme

2006-12-28 07:20:51 · 16 answers · asked by Josette S 2

2006-12-28 06:54:17 · 24 answers · asked by My Poetry Is Deep I Neva Fail 4

Test your eyes
Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...


HOW MANY ?


...................... 3?

2006-12-28 06:47:03 · 36 answers · asked by (>_<) 3

A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?"

The blonde said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."

2006-12-28 06:42:31 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man...

2006-12-28 06:40:52 · 12 answers · asked by Fitty4ex 3

A plane was about to crash with 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The 1st passenger, George W. Bush said, "I'm the President of the United States. I have a great responsibility being the leader of nearly 300 million people". So he takes the first parachute and jumps out of the plane.

The 2nd passenger said, "I'm Chris Webber, one of the world's greatest Basketball players, so I can't afford to die". So he takes the second parachute and leaves the plane.

The 3rd passenger, Hillary Clinton said "I'm the wife of the former United States President, and a New York Senator, and I'm the smartest woman in the world". So she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.

The 4th passenger, an old man says to the 5th passenger, a 14 year old boy scout, "I'm old and frail and don't have many years left, so you take the last parachute".

The boy scout replied, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. The world's smartest woman has just jumped out with my haversack!

2006-12-28 06:40:09 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok guys i have posted this question 3 times already!! plzz help me!! sorry for the wrong category!!
i am writing a paly about a girl named maria who wants her dress modelled at ms. evans fashion show. but ms. eans wants her to change the dress and maria doens't quite like that idea.
and i'm kind of stuck form there. wat should maria do? plzz help me with some info. this play has to be 6 pages long!!!
i am beging you!! plzz help me with a title for this play also! plzz. i really need your help. please guys?? u can read my other questions for more info on this play.

plzz

2006-12-28 06:37:29 · 12 answers · asked by ღbrownsugarღ 3