Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

2006-12-27 22:37:45 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-27 22:36:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A fellow walked into his doctor's office, complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination & said,
"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. Bring a banana & a cookie with you."

Despite the odd request, our hero complied & returned the next day with a banana and a cookie.
Doctor: "Okay, drop your pants & bend over. This is going to hurt a bit."

Although stunned by the turn of events, the patient dropped pants bent over. The doctor peeled the banana and rammed it up the guy's @ss. While the doctor consulted his watch, our hero danced around the room, screaming his head off.
After a minute the doctor ordered him to bend over again. This time the doctor took the cookie and rammed It up the patient's @ss.

"Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time. Don’t forget the banana and cookie." said the doctor. The now humbled patient, with tears of pain in his eyes, nodded his head.

The next day, the same routine ensued. First the doctor rammed up a banana, waited exactly one minute, then rammed up the cookie. And the next day, and the next day and the next...!!

Every day UP went a banana, waited one minute, then UP went the cookie.

After a week of treatment, the doctor finally said, "Tomorrow‘s the last day of treatment. I want you to bring in a banana & a hammer."

"Not a cookie?" asked the very frightened patient.

"No, a hammer." confirmed the doctor.

On the last day, the doctor said, "Okay, you know the routine".
So the man dropped his pants & bent over. UP went the banana, & the doctor looked at his watch and picked up the hammer. One minute passed. Then two minutes. Three, Four minutes passed.

Finally, a little head poked out of the patient's @ss.

"WHERE'S MY COOKIE???"

**WHAM**

2006-12-27 22:20:42 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said... "where???" They Walk Among Us!.........
*My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!......
*I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!
*While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6
pieces." ...

2006-12-27 22:14:21 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-27 22:10:39 · 17 answers · asked by jojo 1

excuse me nurse ,are my testicles black
just a second she replies i'll have a look.....no she replies they look ok
thanks he replies now listen carefully i said are my test results back

2006-12-27 22:09:40 · 15 answers · asked by dean 3

knocks at an old ladys front door. He starts to tell her how wonderful the vacuum cleaner is, to which the old dear firmly replies, "No thank you".

Not wanting to be rejected, he stuffs his foot in the door and carries on with his sales pitch. He tells her how powerful the clear
ner is and that if it can't clean up the 2 bags of horse sh1t he is spreading all over her hall floor then he'll eat it all up himself.

"I hope you're hungry then" says the old dear, "We've just had our electricity cut off"

2006-12-27 22:08:07 · 16 answers · asked by Ecko 4

Woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress. "You can't wear white" reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."

"Of course I can. I'm still a virgin," says the bride.

"Impossible" says the sales clerk.

"Unfortunately not," the bride explained.

"My first husband was a psycologist, and all he wanted to do was talk about it"

"My second husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it"

"My third husband was a stamp collector, God, I miss him"

2006-12-27 22:01:51 · 14 answers · asked by dafadf a 1

girl hanging by her wrists.

He approaches her, rather worried, and asks, "What on earth are you doing?".

She replies, "My husband's just left me, my credit card was refused at my favourite shoe shop and I've lost my job so I'm trying to end my life".

The man looks confused and asks, "Aren't you supposed to be hanging by your neck?"

The blone replies, "I tried that first but it was really sore and I couldn't breathe"

2006-12-27 22:00:21 · 20 answers · asked by Ecko 4

Ken comes in a different box

2006-12-27 21:50:36 · 25 answers · asked by Ecko 4

A blond man and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they werent mine.
His second friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasnt mine.
Blond man says, I think my wife is having an affair with a horse. Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. No Im serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.

2006-12-27 21:44:51 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

a brunnette party and blonde party are on a bus , the brunettes are opn the bottom and havin a reall good time but the blondes are on the top and just standing there.One brunette goes up to see why they arent having fun. And says why arent you guys havin fun like we are. One blonde replies at least you have a bus driver.

2006-12-27 21:39:03 · 10 answers · asked by lil miss mystery 2

A blonde was stopped in her car by a blonde policewoman.The policewoman asked to see her license. the blonde asked what that was.it shows a picture of you on it the policewoman replied. The blonde pulled out a mirror. When the policewoman saw it she said you should have told me you were a policewoman too.

2006-12-27 21:24:54 · 8 answers · asked by lil miss mystery 2

I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified section, though."






I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!"






She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels."

2006-12-27 21:20:02 · 6 answers · asked by Anne H 3

One day A went to B's place and they together went to C's place. Then C went to B's place to get something and then to A's place to get something else. B also went to his place and A went to where C is. Tell me where A B and C are?

2006-12-27 21:20:00 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

A keen country lad applied for a
salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world -
you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman
before?"

Yes, I was a salesman in the
country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can
start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the
young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,
"How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young
salesman. "Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30
sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand
dollars," said the young man. "How did you manage that?" asked the
flabbergasted boss. "Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold
him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him
a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going
fishing and he said down the coast.

I said he would probably need a boat, so
I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the
twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took
him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked
in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman
"He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's
shot, you may as well go fishing.'"

2006-12-27 21:17:50 · 17 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

2006-12-27 21:05:57 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was wearing a black dress and crossing the road. A black car was going on the road.its headlights were off.It was twelve a clock.The car was very near him . it could have hit him and an accident could have taken place.But he was saved........How? It is simple...u r a genius if u figure this out!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-27 21:04:25 · 51 answers · asked by rhea 1

... very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"

2006-12-27 20:55:08 · 5 answers · asked by some dude 3

... took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all," "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.

2006-12-27 20:54:13 · 13 answers · asked by some dude 3

...and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

2006-12-27 20:52:15 · 9 answers · asked by some dude 3

Note it wasn't my father's father.

2006-12-27 20:50:58 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, ''Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.''

2006-12-27 20:48:35 · 18 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

2006-12-27 20:38:51 · 5 answers · asked by foxieroxie1969 3

I Have a Bank.[Yet no Money].....I Can Run, [But Cannot Walk].....And I Have a Bed, [But do Not Sleep]...
Q...What Am I ?
A....A River
Where can I Find Similar Teasers Like These ? And Where did They Originate ?

2006-12-27 20:38:06 · 6 answers · asked by geoff a 2

i call them ammi and abba respectivly!
i have both of them!
how much u love them?
what can u do for them?
will u live ur lovelife for them?

2006-12-27 20:37:55 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

CHINEESE MAN: me no come work, me sick

BOSS:when im sick i do the naughty with my wife, try it

2 HOURS LATER, CHINA MAN CALLED BACK:it work, me better, u got nice house

2006-12-27 20:26:52 · 11 answers · asked by Nate Dogg 2

Blondes car breaks down so she called a mechanic and asked him to look at it,when he finished she asked him what was wrong with it and he said,just s--t in the carburator and the blonde says how often do i have to do that...........

2006-12-27 20:26:28 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Geez!

2006-12-27 20:18:18 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "hey look, bear tracks!" to which the other blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour. next morning, news headlines read:two blondes, killed by train.

2006-12-27 20:12:32 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous