Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.

Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner decided to have some fun with blonde, He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Roommate rolled her eyes and said ... "HELLLLO" Dont be stupid "First....You need to roll up all the windows"

2006-12-27 20:04:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-27 19:49:03 · 6 answers · asked by The Answering Machine 4

2006-12-27 19:47:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-27 19:46:43 · 8 answers · asked by I hate carrots 6

"My first is in tea but not in leaf.My second is in teapot and also in teeth.My third is in caddy but not in cosy.My fourth is in cup but not in rosy.My fifth is in herbal and also in health.My sixth is in peppermint and always in wealth

2006-12-27 19:42:24 · 15 answers · asked by Philip.Wartena 1

2006-12-27 19:25:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

2006-12-27 19:23:19 · 22 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

the most clever joke or pun will work.

2006-12-27 19:18:39 · 17 answers · asked by the Bruja is back 5

answer- A Mosquito stops sucking when you slap it..

2006-12-27 19:02:10 · 17 answers · asked by tdwatch 3

2006-12-27 19:00:38 · 10 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, Dave."

2006-12-27 18:35:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-27 18:20:48 · 12 answers · asked by alirette70301 2

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...
The 45th bus just went by!"

2006-12-27 18:17:59 · 34 answers · asked by Mary 6

JUST TO LET FEW OF YOU KNOW BECAUSE A SAME QUESTION WAS ASKED BY SOMEONE IN HERE.

2006-12-27 18:07:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time, we saw this follow riddle:

How do you paint a rabbit orange?
A: With orange hare spray!

Heheh.... and here is today's riddle:

What do you call a talking shoe?

Good luck! :)

2006-12-27 17:43:22 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane, who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten his/her own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle,

unbuttoning his shirt…

one button at a time…

No one moves…

He removes his shirt…

Muscles ripple across his chest…

She gasps…

He whispers...

"Iron this, and get me something to eat!!"

2006-12-27 17:28:59 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

when i click on it...it starts downloading something...why doesnt it hurt one

2006-12-27 17:27:29 · 2 answers · asked by adi 2

the riddle is this picture...http://www.top-greetings.com/v/2003/09/12or13.gif

..I will choose the correct answer

2006-12-27 17:22:10 · 14 answers · asked by Calgarian_man 2

If Zak threw 15oz. of rice in the and the surrounding people have 3oz. bowls. 5 people catch it ,3 people walk away,and 2 have sushi.How many people got rice,How much rice spilled on the floor,How many people were there.(Please answear thank you).

2006-12-27 17:06:11 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do you clean yourself after taking a poop with no toilet paper and all you have is notebook?


Use the notebook like a fan and let it dry.

2006-12-27 16:51:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-27 16:12:43 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

alright people! are you looking for a hard riddle that seems mind boggaling? well, here it is!

what's greater than God?
more evil that the devil?
the poor have it...
the rich need it...
and if you eat you die.
what is it?

(hint: ask your child!!)

i will reward th points to the first person to get it.
good luck!!!

2006-12-27 16:07:33 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-27 16:06:43 · 2 answers · asked by Poker Face 6

A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this a joke?"

2006-12-27 16:05:46 · 4 answers · asked by Dashiznit 1

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station!

What’s the difference between your face and a bucket of poop?
The bucket!

Yo mamas so stupid, she tip-toed past the medicine cabinet so she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills!

Yo mamas so ugly, she showed her face in the public, and got arrested for attempted murder!

Yo mamas so stupid, she went to the antique store and asked “What’s new?”

Please put down "SHORT" jokes! I hate story jokes...

2006-12-27 15:55:13 · 4 answers · asked by Dashiznit 1

your search engine and look. I have two questions. I have seen this stupid thing ten times and I cannot figure it out. I thought the hand holding the stick was a fake hand but it obviously is not. Also, were EITHER of those heads his or was his real head down in his shirt and came out when the lights went out? But the real thing I want to know is what is the title of the music playing during the video.

Thank you.

2006-12-27 15:54:52 · 2 answers · asked by Doxie_Lover 2

i will edit in the answer tommorow if i have too...

2006-12-27 15:51:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's a beautiful spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning.

As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended). He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

"Now try lifting your dress up to your thighs and sort of fan it at him." he says.... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Suddenly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut. "Now, tell him you have a headache !!!"

2006-12-27 15:49:37 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Texan. They each decide to jump from the plane so as not to prolong their deaths, so the Englishman says, "Long live the Queen!" and jumps. The Irishman says, "To beer, wine and beyond!" and jumps. The Texan says, "Remember the Alamo!" and throws a Mexican out the plane.

2006-12-27 15:46:11 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

George Bush and his accomplice Dick Cheney were riding on an elephant. A group of bystanders were watching intently. All of a sudden someone in the croud shouted, "Hey look that elephant has two assholes on it!" Bush and Cheney looked down at the elephants a$$, confused.

2006-12-27 15:25:17 · 26 answers · asked by frenchgirl 1