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Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

[Selected]: All categories Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

a man sent his family a bird for Christmas. The Mother rang him up and thanked him fo the lovely bird with the blue plumage and the hooked beak with a bit of red and yellow on his head. "Oh your welcome" said her son. "Yes son he was delicious" she said
"Oh No" you didn't eat him did you".
"Why yes we thought you sent him for our dinner"
"Oh no, he cost me a fortune and he could speak 3 different languages".
He was an African Parrott.

Well said the woman "he should have said something."..........

2006-12-28 03:17:02 · 16 answers · asked by chris w. 7

2006-12-28 03:03:49 · 34 answers · asked by zen 7

Ok Mr. and Mrs. Morgan have 6 sons and each of them has one sister. How many people are in the Morgan family? I will choose the best answer.

2006-12-28 02:58:29 · 72 answers · asked by NOT aNOTher blonde! 3

2006-12-28 02:55:42 · 26 answers · asked by Mr Mars 1

2006-12-28 02:54:31 · 12 answers · asked by zmanryan2 1

One day a blonde, brunette, and a red head are driving down the road trying to escape the cops. Alll of a sudden they stop the car. They jump out and run to the trunk. They grab out a cat cage, a dog cage, and a potato sack. The brunette is in the dog cage the red head is in the cat cage and the blonde is in the potato sack. Both the cages are covered though and of course you can't see through the potato sack. KK so then the police find the car and see the cages and potato sack laying next to the car. When they tap on the dog cage the brunette says" rufff, ruff" Then the police do not suspect a thing. Then the police move to the cat cage and tap on it. The red head goes "meow, meow" Again the police suspect nothing. Then they move to the potato sack and tap on it. Then the blonde replies " POTTTTTTAAAAATTTTTOOOOO!" of course the blonde is caught and arrested while the red head and brunette escape.

2006-12-28 02:53:28 · 18 answers · asked by NOT aNOTher blonde! 3

2006-12-28 02:38:18 · 23 answers · asked by rem t 1

1. There are three apples in a basket, and there are three people in there as well. What will you do so a person can have an apple and a basket?
2. How many birthdays can an average person have?
3. You are in a house. Suddenly, there is a blackout. You have a wood-stick, an old newspaper, and a match. Which will you lite first?
4. There is a mistake in the following equation, find it out. 8+8=8*2

That's all for now...

2006-12-28 02:28:25 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

0

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.

Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.

That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. Well, dear, what exactly did he say?

He said the reflector is broken.

I can fix that in two minutes. What else?

I'm not sure, Jacob ... something about the emergency brake...

2006-12-28 02:22:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

If my dog ate a red, green and sliver crayon, would he poop a christmas tree?

2006-12-28 02:22:39 · 9 answers · asked by thisisithuh 2

Ronald and Nancy Reagan are sitting at home watching tv. Nancy says to Ronald, "Honey, would you be a dear and rent us a movie, I think I'm in the mood for a little Al Pacino, could you rent "Scent of a Woman"? Ronald nods and follows his wife's request and goes to the video store. He comes back 20 minutes later and says to Nancy, "This is what you wanted, right, "A Fish Called Wanda"?" hehehe

2006-12-28 02:14:25 · 23 answers · asked by chrisj7682 2

2006-12-28 02:07:44 · 10 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Steven Seagal into his office
to hear who they would like to play:

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis, "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be Arnold?"

And Arnold says...

















Wait for it, its a beauty………

















"I'll be Bach."

2006-12-28 01:56:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

My friends pulled them on me, and i want to get them back!
They pulled the one "Did you gullible isn't in the dictionary", "Gullible is written all over the ceiling", and "If you spell ice cream backwards it sounds like gullible". Do you people know anymore so i could get them back? Please and Thank you!

2006-12-28 01:26:09 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 2 doors one for Heaven and another for Hell. One guard is there on each doors. one of them always say truth and another always tells lie. You don't know who tells truth or lie. Now you have to find out which door is of Heaven and which is of Hell by just asking only one question from any one of the Guard. What should be question ? remember you have just one chance to ask question which is also from any one of guard.

2006-12-28 01:11:00 · 10 answers · asked by bordia_raj 1

whar r u afrade of? i m afrade of oldage.
what makes u afrade? for me my dark tomorrow scares me!

how do u over come it.

2006-12-28 00:58:02 · 5 answers · asked by Oh My God! 6

A wrestling match is narrowed down to the Russian & American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!

A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own testicles!"

2006-12-28 00:47:02 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

And what is he doing playing UK celeb politix? Is he pulling satire or farce, and what about those newfound friends attending a Motown concert at - of all places- the Cadogan Hall. This is the venue where I during this year`s Chelsea Festival dished the dirt on Hollywood makeovers excluding of course his ex-wife Liza Minnelli.

2006-12-28 00:29:44 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

One Hundred and One Ways To Wok Your Dog

2006-12-27 23:56:59 · 14 answers · asked by Ecko 4

So many stupid people on here.

Lets clear this up.

I gave ansser allread confused. Don't just come in at the end of a qurestion and ecpect to know what we are talking about.

I asked the question then answerd it. Look over the questions to see this.

Secondly I said oxford Dictionary, not Chambers.

The meaning of the word chilver is a female lamb. So get it up anyone who thought they would be amazing and say there was not a word, just because THEY had not heard of it.

Any other questions please post.

2006-12-27 23:12:16 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Can I have a pepperoni pizza please?", requests the monarch.

"Certainly, your majesty", says the manager, "Would you like your ususal?"

"Yes please", replies the King, "Deep pan, crisp and even"



(SORRY FOLKS - THAT WAS CORNY, I KNOW)

2006-12-27 23:08:58 · 23 answers · asked by Ecko 4

2006-12-27 23:02:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I never answerd the question because I was the one who asked it in the first place!!

I was just filling you in on the answer!

2006-12-27 22:59:08 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The only answer is chilver. (sounds chill ver) this word is in the dictiorary and is acceptable.

Who said deliver? thats just poor? quicksilver? Yeah, it rymes cause it is the same word (silver) quick silver or quick-silver never one word of more letters.

2006-12-27 22:53:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two, two, two, one, two, two, one, two, two, two

2006-12-27 22:49:05 · 17 answers · asked by Ecko 4

The fish

2006-12-27 22:47:37 · 9 answers · asked by Ecko 4

2006-12-27 22:42:24 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

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