2006-12-27 22:10:39 · 17 answers · asked by jojo 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I blonde lady had just found out about blue movies,she decided to rent one from her local video shop. When she got home she put on the video and there wasn't any picture! She rang up the video shop to complain. The lady from the video shop asked her what the video was called, the blonde lady replied head cleaner! That joke is Llamas favourite! sent
2006-12-28 19:36:34 · answer #1 · answered by fletch 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I can copy lots of good jokes here, but the truth is that I cant tell what is the funniest joke I have ever heard, because my favourite changes from time to time when I hear a new one or sometimes when I forget old jokes.
But heres a joke for you anyway....
2006-12-28 06:27:34 · answer #2 · answered by (^_^) 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One time, a rich man was on the brink of death from old age, and now he realized that everything he has gained in this world was worth nothing. He began to wonder about what is life, what is real, and most importantly of all, what is worth it??
So on his last day, he began to have a huge party.
Everyone gathered from all over the country, ate, drank, danced, @#$%ed, slept, and ate more, and repeat.
At the end of the party, the old man gathered everyone to a huge pool, and he alone stood at the other far end of the pool, while the others were gathered on the other far end. Next to the old man was a will, that granted (insert name here) all of the possesions that the old man has gained his entire life, along with his beautiful daughter in marriage.
The old man said : "It is my last day to live, and whoever swims across this pool and makes it to me I shall grant everything I have, all the wealth I have brought into my possession in this world, as it is worth nothing to me now".
Nobody dared move a muscle.... Until...
One handsome, charismatic young man deliberately dived into the pool, his muscles rippling against the glorious moonlight, his eyes filled with passion and the desire for glory, and with his spirit pushing itself over it's limits.
He first encountered the cold, chilly water from the frozen highlands of the north. This was just the beginning!!
Then to his horror he encountered the crocodiles and the sharks! As they tried to tear and rend against his flesh, our hero overcomes his fear and outswims the sharks and crocodiles!
He was halfway there, honor and glory was almost his! All he had to do was to pass those giant sharp man-swallowing octopus hentai tenticles! As they grabbed and choked and teared against his strong body, our hero bravely moves on! His arm gets a big cut! ARRRGHHH!!! He gets a wicked scar that runs across his eye! WAAHHHH!!!
HE MADE IT! ALAS!! HE HAS GONE THROUGH HELL TO RECEIVE HIS LIFELONG GOAL! The old man comes to congratulate his successor, and embraces him, and offers him his will. The old man asks how our hero was able to do such wonders! All our hero has to say is: DUDE!! WHO THE !@#$ PUSHED ME IN!?
2006-12-28 06:27:22 · answer #3 · answered by John Doe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take
that chance."
2006-12-28 06:15:33 · answer #4 · answered by Moe J 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
aww someone already put my favourite joke in here, the email address one, with the couple. ho hum you can have my second favourite
Taking a break from the golf circuit in Ireland, Tiger Woods driving his new Chrysler car, stops for fuel at a petrol station.
The attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, "Top o' the morning to ya!", totally unaware who the golf pro is.
As Tiger gets out of the car, 2 golf tees fall out of his pocket.
"So what are those, son?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin 'em for?" inquires the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Jaysus, Mary an Joseph!", exclaims the Irish attendant.
"What will those fella's at Chrysler think of next!"
do you like it? lol it cracks me up
2006-12-28 14:22:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
man takes his pet giraffe into the pub, the giraffe lies in the corner while the man orders a drink, to which the barman shouts "you cant leave that lying there"! the man replys "its not a lion its a giraffe"!
2006-12-28 15:11:51 · answer #6 · answered by the mag 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be carefull you get your email address correct
A minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particulary icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent there honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic scedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel scedules. So, the husband left Minnoseta and flew down to Florida on thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send and e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the mail.
Meanwhile, somewher in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject:I've arrived
Date: October 16th, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tommorow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
2006-12-28 06:13:10 · answer #7 · answered by smity 2 · 14⤊ 0⤋
At the moment: Did you hear about the time Jesus went to a hotel with three nails and said "can you put me up for the night".
2006-12-28 07:09:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
1. dont disturb me i wanna study
2. no class lets go 2 library
and the BEST 1 is
3. sir, i hav a doubt
2006-12-28 06:24:04 · answer #9 · answered by katy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two goldfish in a tank - one says to the other
Can you drive this thing??
2006-12-28 08:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋