has any one got any funny jokes short enough to send in a text?

Answer 1

a naked man walks into a pycologist office--he says to the man " i can see your nuts!"

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
Scared the hell out of the dog.

Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.


What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A Monkey eating cherries.


How do you catch an elephant?
First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take a loadof peas and line them up around the hole. Then, when the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!


Roses are redish,
Violets are blueish,
If it wasn't for Christmas,
We'd all be Jewish.

Answer 2

humorous inquiries to contemplate that don't truly have solutions: If 7 out of 10 human beings be stricken by hemorrhoids, do the different 3 relish them? Is a cyclops winking or blinking? If a guy or woman with diverse personalities threatens to kill them self, is that a hostage difficulty?

Answer 3

I am not too sure if I am supposed to laugh, cry, or grin like a git with a new pair of skates.
So I will laugh and grin! Here's mine:
What did the oak do when he found his wife in bed with a birch?
He made like a tree and leaved
--That Cheeky Lad

Answer 4

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the difference between a woman having PMT and a terrorist?
You can reason with a terrorist :)

What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year old doesn't?
Her navel.

Men are like lawnmowers - hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

Answer 5

3 men were walking in the dessert when they saw a huge castle filled with beautiful women, and lets just say that they had a "good time" (wink, wink) and a cuple days later the king comes to the castle and finds the men with his women so he tells the gaurds to lock them in the dungeon.the next day the king goes to the first man and asks "wat do you do for a lliving?" "i'm a fiream"said the man, so the king burnt his dick off.then he goes to the second man and asks him the same question, and the man says "im a police officer", so he shot his dick off.finally he gets to the third man and asks the same question, and with a sly grin the man says "i'm a lollipop seller"

Answer 6

Once there were four aliens and they came to Earth . They could only say one phrase in english.The first one went to an opera and learned how to say: "Me,Me,Me." The second one went to a restaurant and learned how to say: "With knives and forks." The third one went to a candy store and learned how to say: "Because he stole my lollipop." The fourth one went to a baseball game and learned how to say: "Yeah yeah yeah." One day there was a dead man on the road,the policeman pulled the aliens and said, "Who killed this man?" The first alien said "Me,me,me." The police man said, "how did you kill him?" The second alien said, "With knives and forks,With knives and forks. " The policeman said, "Why did you kill him?" The third alien said, "Because He stole my Lollipop." The Police man said, "You're Going to Jail." The fourth alien said "Yeah,Yeah,Yeah"


Q:why did the tomato blushed?
A:Because it saw the salad dressing

Answer 7

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.


OR

If one person arguing is debating, what do you call a group of people arguing?

Mass debating
(masterbating)

Answer 8

A skeleton walked into a bar, "Can I have a beer....and a mop".

Answer 9

I had a wet dream about you last night....I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff.

Answer 10

this isn't a joke, however it gives you something to think about..... What do you say to an athiest when they sneeze?