Can someone give me a good laugh?

Question

I sure do need one this week.I give 10 points to the preson that does.

Answer 1

Firecrotch.
Watch these videos :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXaofbJSqOM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-swf9dZHiO4


I couldn't stop laughing :]]

Answer 2

+ NOTE THIS MAY OFFEND SOME PEOPLE +

Two blondes were sitting at a park bench during the night in Vancouver with a full moon. One asks "Hey, what do you think is closer the moon or Florida?"

The other answers "The moon, can you see Florida!"


YO MAMA JOKES

Yo mama so fat she turneed my monster truck into a lowrider.

Yo mama is so stupid she went to a Clippers game to get a haircut.

Yo mama is so skinny she ate an M&M and looked 8 months pregnant.

Yo mama so old she thought 200-horsepower was 200 horses on a carraige.

THAT LAST ONE WASN'T FUNNY BUT I MADE ALL THOSE UP




Hope it helps. And sorry blondes it is just a joke.

Answer 3

HARRY'S MOTHER HAD FOUR KIDS. AUTUMN, SPRING AND SUMMER. WHAT WAS THE FOURTH ONES NAME? HARRY

THE LAST MAN ON EARTH WAS ALONE IN A ROOM. THERE WAS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. WHO KNOCKED?
A WOMAN
ONE LINERS

A brain went into a pub and said, "Can I have a pint of lager please?"

"No way" says the barman "you are already out of your head".

Why don't cats like shaving? Because 9 out of 10 prefer Whiskas.


LONGER JOKES

Hopelessly lost, a businessman approaches a local in a village.

'What's the quickest way to York?' he asks. The local scratches his head.

'Are you walking or driving?' 'I'm driving' the man replies.

'Hmmm' ponders the local. 'I'd say that's definitely the quickest way'.


BLONDE JOKES
(apologies to any blondes reading!)

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts

wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."


RUDE JOKES
(not for children!)

Did you hear about the gay magician? He vanished with a poof.

They are just five of the 182 jokes you will receive.
These are great jokes to use on your friends down the pub,

or impress your parents with over dinner!
Don't hesitate to buy, 100% laughter GUARANTEED!

Answer 4

a blonde, a brunette and a red head were stuck on a desert island. They decide to have a competition of who can get to the mainland quickest swimming breastroke. After a few hours the brunette arrived, and then the redhead. After a while they wondered what had become of the blonde. After a few days the blonde arrives exhausted and exclaims "HEY you guys cheated!!! You used your arms!!!"

Answer 5

I hit a nun one time, wasn't the coolest sh*t I've ever done before, it's not something I'm not proud of. I took off, never heard about it again. Then one day I'm at the market and this little old lady stops me and says she forgives me. I didn't know what the fuc* she was talking about. I finally got it out of her, and when she didn't ask me why I left her there and why is she forgiving me, she said BECAUSE ITS HER JOB.

Answer 6

I'll give one...or to make sure two. The last one is actually my original Blond joke made just 3 days ago...

1. FBI entrance test

In a tough FBI final test for married female applicants to determine whether their loyalty belongs to the Bureau or their Husbands, 3 remained ...Brunette, Redhead and the Blond.

The test involves wife entering a room with a drawn 9mm pistol, find their husband tied in a chair, then shoot him dead w/o hesitation. Unknown to the wives, the gun is loaded only with blanks. Test begins:

Brunette enters room, then a shot rang out. A few minutes later, wife emerges crying and told the FBI panelist...I can't do it. I love my husband. I only shot the ceiling.

Next is Red Head. She enters room, a few minutes later, shot rang out. Then she emerged visibly shaken and told the FBI panelist...I can't do it. I'd rather flunk FBI than lose my dear husband. I only shot the wall.

Blond's turn. She enters the room, several minutes passed, no shot were heard. Then a full hour passed still no shot. The FBI panelist were about to call it a day thinking nobody made it, when Blond wife suddenly emerged, hysterically in tears:

You bastards! You're so cruel to put me in this kind of tests!

How could you forget to load my gun that It took me a full hour to use the pistol grip bashing the brains out the eyes and nose of that sonofabitch!


2. Skyjump Test

In a Sky jumping school, all students were readying for their very first jump. Naturally, all were excited and nervous. With their plane aloft at 8,000 ft, the Jump Master made a final reminder:

So girls and boys, this is it!. Remember what I've been telling you all along...forget your 'Altimeter'...on your descent when you see People on the ground starts to look like Ants, that's the time you open your chute...OK? Everybody nodded.

A little while later, all 20 students were out of the plane. One by one, their chutes began to pop up like mushrooms over the sky...except for Blond jumper. To the horror of her jump mates and the crowds below, blond jumper chute didn't open and she went free falling to the ground. Thud!!!

>>>Fast Forward to Heaven's Gate, with St. Peter screening all new comers>>>

Blond's turn now:

ST. PETER: So, what are you IN for?
BLOND: We'll.. I fell from a plane

ST. PETER: I know, based on your files, you forgot to open your chute?
BLOND: No, I was all the while focused on the way down

ST. PETER: Then why did you not open your chute?
BLOND: I tried, but I guess it was too late

ST. PETER: Hmmm, that's strange. It also says in your record you're clean of drugs and the chute's not defective...
BLOND: (adding with conviction)...and I followed the jumpmaster's instruction to the letter

ST. PETER: (who's about to close the book and call it a day, puzzled, looked at blond)..so, what about the instruction?
BLOND: ...to open my chute when I see Ants on the ground starts to look like People....


like it? lapuks2000@yahoo

Answer 7

How about a stupid mamma joke?

Okay...

Your mamma is so stupid, she took a spoon to the Superbowl!

Compliments of my 11 year old...

Answer 8

Q. What's brown and sticky

A. A Stick

hope this helps!

Answer 9

your so stupid, you got hit by a parked car.
your so stupid, your house was locked so you broke through the window, opened the door, went back through the window and then entered through the door.

Answer 10

Try morning facial exercises in a mirror....