Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

for the BOO's

2006-11-01 03:58:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Right ?...............Left?... ...............I use toilet paper! lol

2006-11-01 03:52:09 · 35 answers · asked by Sir Sidney Snot 6

2006-11-01 03:49:28 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, 'Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?' The kid says, 'Yeah.' The cop says, 'Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.' The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, 'By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?' Humouring the kid, the cop says, 'Yeah, he sure did.' The kid says, 'Well, next year tell Santa to put the **** underneath the horse, instead of on top.'

2006-11-01 03:45:10 · 8 answers · asked by ~Shy~Girl~ 2

Any idea what this word is? It's a Holloween related word and these are the letters I have: _ E R E _ O _ _

2006-11-01 03:36:19 · 7 answers · asked by AZmomm43 4

You cant beat the Sun for taking the pi$$ out of all race and religions:)

example-They said Mel Gibson couldnt play a Scot in Braveheart but look at him now-An alcoholic and a racist .lololol

Heard any good un p.c jokes recently?

2006-11-01 03:32:56 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Now young conservative say your prayers so that when you grow up you can lie, steal, cheat, and murder your way through life.

Good night my little one.

2006-11-01 03:32:08 · 10 answers · asked by ? 6

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

2006-11-01 03:30:22 · 37 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-11-01 03:23:44 · 6 answers · asked by X.MetalHead.X 2

I'm talkin rude,disgusting, vile, or just plain WRONG!

2006-11-01 03:18:26 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

so the sheep dont here the zip

2006-11-01 03:17:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

If pigs could fly, we'd all..........?

2006-11-01 03:17:11 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-01 03:11:07 · 16 answers · asked by One 3

I was not sure what this meant and didn't want to ask him because he seemed to think it was common knowledge and very amusing. Does anyone know? Should I be embarassed or would people find it funny?

2006-11-01 03:00:15 · 10 answers · asked by Reserved 6

stop going on about it, my duck always..........

2006-11-01 02:57:03 · 50 answers · asked by markhatter 6

Mabel and Fred have been married for 50 years. One day Fred comes in and tells Mabel that he is leaving her. Mabel is understandably shocked and asks why - after 50 years of marraige - Fred is leaving her. Fred replies that he is going to live with their next door neighbour Doris. Even more shocked, Mabel asks what Doris does for Fred that she does not do. Fred replies that Doris gives him oral pleasure. Mabel says 'but Fred, I give you oral pleasure too'. Fred replies 'yes, but you don't have Parkinsons disease'.

2006-11-01 02:56:04 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Town Drunk only had ten bucks and wanted some action at the 'House of Madame' but only Sandpaper Sally agreed.
On the bed, the Drunk stopped halfway saying, 'No wonder they call you Sandpaper Sally, you're very rough inside there.
Sally brushed the comment aside and continued with their 'pleasure'.
The Drunk stopped and said that he could't go on, his 'thing' was getting too sore and asked Sally to please do something about this situation.
Sallly went into the bathroom and came back out after a few minutes and they resume 'business'.
Wow! said the Drunk, 'this is great, its really smooth and nice now, what did you do in there?
Did you apply cream? - No.

Did you put butter? - No.

Did you put soap? - No.

Then what did you do? -

Oh I just reached in with my finger nails and pick at the scabs and just let the pus run.

2006-11-01 02:51:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blonde woman walked in the pub smiling with dog poop in her hair on her face and all over her clothes,
she said to her friend
" look what i nearly trod in"

2006-11-01 02:45:54 · 10 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-11-01 02:40:52 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

So a blonde goes into an automotive store looking for a car part. She tells the worker there that she's looking for a 710 cap. The worker looks at her confused and says "a 710 cap? I've never heard such a thing!" She insists and insists that that is what she needs. The man asks her to draw it for her on a piece of paper, which she does, and it is a simple circle and in the middle she wrote 710. The man is still confused and asks her if she could point it out on another car. She agrees.

They go over to the car, and she points excitedly and says... see? That's a 710 cap!

Ma'am... thats the OIL cap.

2006-11-01 02:38:02 · 14 answers · asked by kisme86 3

Apparently only smarties have the answer. But to what? and why dont they tell us if they know? then we could all ask them our questions. i wonder which colour are the cleverest? and should we really be eating them?

2006-11-01 02:33:48 · 13 answers · asked by Raquel 2

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet for the necessary payment, then he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires, with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"Yep, I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

Replies the man, "Well, then, wash your hands because I want a cheese sandwich!"

2006-11-01 02:26:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, 'My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!' As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, 'That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?' The guy catches his breath, then says, 'Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the ******* who pushed me in the pool!'

2006-11-01 02:22:41 · 14 answers · asked by ~Shy~Girl~ 2

When I was younger my Mum found a S&M and Bondage magazine under my bed. She showed them to my Dad who looked at them and promptly handed them back. Mum said "are you going to punish him" to which Dad replied "Well I'm not going to spank him"

2006-11-01 02:21:50 · 21 answers · asked by Bad Boy 1

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.

"How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them.

When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. One the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers' technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all!

"How in the hell are you going to pull this off?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.

Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. "Ticket, please!"

2006-11-01 02:15:56 · 16 answers · asked by Electric 7

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, 'Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. 'Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, 'All right buddy, what's your name?' 'Sam,' the man moaned. 'Where ya from, Sam?' With pain in his voice Sam replied 'The balcony.'

2006-11-01 02:14:42 · 18 answers · asked by ~Shy~Girl~ 2

2006-11-01 02:14:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Remember... pretty people have more germs!

2006-11-01 02:13:49 · 9 answers · asked by kisme86 3

2006-11-01 02:11:13 · 2 answers · asked by Junior 1

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, 'Get me a beer before it starts.' The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, 'Get me another beer before it starts.' She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, 'Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute.' The wife is furious. She yells at him 'Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ...' The man sighs and says, 'It's started ...'

2006-11-01 02:09:52 · 13 answers · asked by ~Shy~Girl~ 2