Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

I have 5 letters in my first name and 5 letters in my last name. Both my 1st and last name start w/ the letter M. Who am I?

2006-11-01 19:30:47 · 7 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-11-01 19:22:50 · 4 answers · asked by parnell 1

2006-11-01 19:18:59 · 6 answers · asked by parnell 1

2006-11-01 18:49:58 · 11 answers · asked by urbanbutterfly 3

its a riddle and I need the answer..anyone pls!!!

2006-11-01 18:36:57 · 34 answers · asked by mk&a 1

2006-11-01 17:49:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-01 17:43:57 · 18 answers · asked by ghjkhlh 1

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Is it dangerous to write on an empty stomach?
A: No, but I am sure its better to use a piece of paper!

Heheh. And here is today's riddle:

Do you think grasshoppers like to play baseball?

Have fun! :)

2006-11-01 17:43:31 · 11 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

I have been going nuts over this riddle that was e-mailed to me! I can't figure it out and the answer didn't come with the e-mail. Has anyone heard this one before?

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?


97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle?

2006-11-01 17:39:36 · 19 answers · asked by Steve 3

TO: Boss
FROM: Blondie
RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K

I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:

Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk

I also changed all the days of each week to:

Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak

We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!

2006-11-01 16:48:56 · 15 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

(1)My deeds are sung in many a song, Use this clue to move you along.(2) Look for me in a pretty name, but you'll not find me in this game. (3) To be a knight you must have me, but then as now i'm difficult to see. (4) Valentines day comes once a year, look hard for part of me is here. (5) My letters number 5 not 3 but do not look for u or e.

2006-11-01 16:46:46 · 8 answers · asked by twnty4ktgold1 2

What this is!??!?

( \ / )
(o.o )
(___)3

2006-11-01 16:32:37 · 23 answers · asked by Moo 4

This man walked away from half of his networth because he loved his land. But he made sure his grandkids could continue to ranch on his spread.

What was his name? Well its not -really- a riddle but...ya please help :)

2006-11-01 16:22:33 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men decided to split the cost of a hotel room. The hotel manager gave them a price of $30.

The men split the bill evenly, each paying $10, and went to their room. However, the hotel manager realized that it was a Wednesday night, which meant the hotel had a special: rooms were only $25. He had overcharged them $5!

He called the bellboy, gave him five one-dollar bills and told him to return it to the men.

When the bellboy explained the situation to the men, they were so pleased at the honesty of the establishment that they promptly tipped the bellboy $2 of the $5 he had returned and each kept $1 for himself.

So each of the three men ended up paying $9 totalling $27, plus $2 for the bellboy makes $29.

Where did the extra dollar go?

2006-11-01 16:22:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

"Talk about a huge breast!"

"It's Cool Whip time!"

"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"Are you going to come again next time?"

"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

"Don't play with your meat."

"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"How many are coming?"

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."

2006-11-01 16:19:43 · 12 answers · asked by ? 5

that makes her appear...?

2006-11-01 16:15:27 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mrs. Bradley wanted to do laundry so she asked Mr. Bradley to be a good boy and go down to Mr. Peabody's new store and buy her soap detergent. Mr. Bradley went down the stairway from the 11th. floor and entered Mr. Peabody's new store.

Mr. Bradley : "Hello Mr. Peabody. I would like some soap detergent for my wife."

Mr. Peabody : "What brand name is your washer machine?"

Mr. Bradley : "Why??.. I don't know ... Why? "

Mr. Peabody : " I can't sell you soap detergent unless you told me the make of your washer machine. I have a store to run and I care about its reputation Mr. Bradley.

Mr. Peabody continued to refuse to sell Mr. Bradley soap detergent unless he told him the make of his washer machine.

So Mr. Bradley became very angry and had to leave and go all the way back up the stairway to get what Mr. Peabody wanted. When he found out the brand of his washer machine, he went back all the way down and told Mr. Peabody the his washer machine's make was (GENERAL ELECTRIC).

Mr. Peabody : " What's the voltage. Is it 110 or 220 volts?"
Mr. Bradley : " I don't know and I don't care! ... Just sell me the stupid detergent!!!!..."

Mr. Peabody : " I can't.. I just can't risk the reputation of my new store. You have told tell me the voltage of your washer machine."

So angrily... Mr. Bradley had to go all the way back up to find out the voltage. As he was going down the stairway, sweating like a dog, he met one of his neighbors, Sam. Sam was naked waist down, and very angry, carrying a toilet seat and going down the stairs also sweating like a dog.

Mr. Bradley : " SAM.... what in the world is going on? why are you naked waist down and carrying a toilet seat?"

Sam : " Leave me alone Mr. Bradley... I'm very angry right now and don't feel like answering." Mr. Bradley kept insisting on Sam to tell him, but Sam kept quite and was getting angrier until they both entered Mr. Peabody's store.

Sam quickly went in, very angry and stood in the middle of the store and yelled as loud as he could saying : " Well Mr. Peabody.... Here's my toilet seat and also here's my ***... NOW.... WOULD YOU PLEASE SELL ME MY TOILET PAPER??"

2006-11-01 16:11:24 · 9 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Phil was at an antiques roadshow convention to see how much he would get for his coin. The coin was dated 200BC and in relatively good shape. The antique person looked at it and said it was a worthless fake. How did she know that?

2006-11-01 16:10:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea, let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies, turning over, "Get your own damn blanket."

2006-11-01 16:10:12 · 20 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care
of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his medical services.

He was asked if he had health insurance.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied,

"No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

He said, "I only have a spinster sister who is a nun."

The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."


The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

2006-11-01 16:07:46 · 12 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

also known as the dozens?

like yo momma is so fat, when she backs up she goes beep...beep...beep

2006-11-01 15:57:59 · 14 answers · asked by brainiac 4

2006-11-01 15:57:29 · 9 answers · asked by That Guy 2

1. In the middle of the ocean is a yacht. Several corpses are floating in the water nearby.


2. Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice all live in the same house. Bob and Carol go out to a movie, and when they return, Alice is lying dead on the floor in a puddle of water and glass. It is obvious that Ted killed her but Ted is not prosecuted or severely punished.


3. A woman comes home with a bag of groceries, gets the mail, and walks into the house. On the way to the kitchen, she goes through the living room and looks at her husband, who had blown his brains out. She then continues to the kitchen, puts away the groceries, and makes dinner.


4. A body is discovered in a park in Chicago in the middle of summer. It has a fractured skull and many other broken bones, but the cause of death was hypothermia.

EXPLAIN ALL THESE!! ANSWERS TOMORROW!

2006-11-01 15:53:59 · 12 answers · asked by Smo 4

2006-11-01 15:52:22 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

i turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?


97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle?

2006-11-01 15:50:53 · 12 answers · asked by CherBear 3

Hank finally found the nerve to tell his fiance that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.

"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked.

"Not on her best day." Hank replied.

"Does she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.

"No, she's broke."

"Well then, is it sex?"

"Nope,... nobody does it like you, babe."

"Then what is it? What can she do for you that I can't?"

"She can sue me for child support."

2006-11-01 15:48:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

one day a foolish man went to a doctor and he told to doctor:some donkeys are playing football together in my dreams every night
the doctor told him i give you some pills and you must eat one pill every night . the man answered immediately, can i eat it from tomorrow night? the doctor asked him,why from tomorrow?and he answered because tonight is finale!!!!!!

2006-11-01 15:47:44 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A businessman met a beautiful hooker and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500.

They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment, "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price.

So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

"Dear Madam: Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
1 - It had never been occupied;
2 - There was plenty of heat;
3 - It was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

"Dear Sir: First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management. Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady."

2006-11-01 15:46:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-01 15:42:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-01 15:41:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous