Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

there is a room with 4 walls a ceiling and a floor, all are concrete, there are no doors, in the room is a man with a wooden table and a woodsaw. how did the man get out of the room, (room is totally sealed)

answer later

2006-11-01 09:54:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her bre*st. They are both quite startled.The man turns to her and says "Ma'am,if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.


A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that american Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."

2006-11-01 09:50:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Stops when he sees a man in the middle of a corn field rowing a boat.He gets out of his car and shouts "Its people like you that give us irish a bad reputation,And if i had my trunks with me i'd swim out there and punch you on the nose"

2006-11-01 09:41:10 · 14 answers · asked by whospiltmypint 2

This joke is not to offend anyone, and I'm Catholic, which reminds me that I have to go to mass tonight.... hope you like it

Three churches: The Baptist, the Lutheran, and the Catholic. All three churches had problems with mice. The baptist not wanting to harm the animals decided to just leave them there, the Lutherans also not wanting to harm them but be rid of them so they put as many as they could in cages and brought them 2 miles out to the country but they still had a huge problem with the mice. The Catholics had the best solution... the rounded them up, baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Told by a guest priest from TX who visited our church in IL

2006-11-01 09:40:48 · 16 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

MENopause, MENsrual pain, MENtal illness, GUYnecologist, HISterectomy, EVER NOTICE HOW WOMEN PROBLEMS START WITH MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-01 09:37:09 · 14 answers · asked by *Red Hotts* 2

2006-11-01 09:29:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching.

2. John, Paul, George and Ringo all live in the same house. John and Ringo go out for the evening, and when they return find Paul lying dead on the floor in a puddle of water, surrounded by broken glass. John and Ringo know that George must have killed Paul. Why do they not even think about calling the police?

3. Mary's father has got four daughters. The first is called Ann, the second is called Anna and the third is called Annie. What is the name of the other daughter?

4. A woman was pushing her car. When she stopped at a hotel, she realised she was bankrupt. Why?

2006-11-01 09:26:37 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary! , "I won the prize for the best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

2006-11-01 09:25:08 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

answers will be posted later.

2. A woman shoots her husband.Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

2006-11-01 09:23:43 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

another violation i suppose

2006-11-01 09:10:10 · 15 answers · asked by melas 6

Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?

Answer 1: She kept jumping on Pinochio's face and saying "lie, lie, lie you idiot!"

Answer 2: She kept biting Pinochio's wood.

2006-11-01 09:07:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-01 08:58:13 · 12 answers · asked by Deleted 3

Hillbilly Birth



Deep in the back woods, of Fletcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!"



Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor ...


"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

2006-11-01 08:50:47 · 13 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a coffee shop one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over his thick Greek Coffee the Greek said "Well, we have the Parthenon!"
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replied over his Latte "We have the Coliseum!"
The Greek retored "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics!"
The Italian, nodding agreement, said "But we built the Roman Empire!"
And so on and so on, until the Greek came up with what he thought would end the discussion...
With a flourish of finality he said, "We invented s*x!"
To which the Italian replied, "That is true, but...
it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

2006-11-01 08:47:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO PROSTITUTES... $150.00."

A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they'd have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, "JESUS SAVES."

The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over. "Well, that's a little different since it pertains to religion." The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.

The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again. As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER... $150.00."

2006-11-01 08:38:27 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I went to see a muslim strip show the other day......

Strange atmosphere.... a bunch of blokes oggling these women shouting "get your nose out"!!! "show us your face"!!!!!




I feel another yahoo warning coming....

2006-11-01 08:25:57 · 23 answers · asked by ukdeveloper 3

Three nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door....

"Who is it?????", The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".

So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said, "nice t*i*t*s sisters, where do you want the blinds

2006-11-01 08:25:10 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Surprisently I've noticed that any name has it's own semnification or simbols(some are about nature, religion etc). My name is Sorin (not Soso, this nickname is used to all persons named like me). Now what do you think what my name means?

2006-11-01 08:13:52 · 12 answers · asked by Soso 3

once when i was staying in a hotel in tampa florida next to the hotel there is a lake full with ducks and i was skipping rocks and one hit a duck , then i saw a old guy like 20 feet away from me it was dress all white like a suite and white shoe , cane, tie,hair,watch,and a bier , he started to walk to me and i hide for 4 sec and i took a peak and he was gone he looks like kfc founder.

2006-11-01 08:08:29 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A rich businessman goes on holiday. While he's away the butler sends him a message saying "Cat's dead". Distraught at the death of his beloved pet the man returns home and berates the butler for being so callous. "You should break bad news gently," says the businessman. "If I'd been telling you that your cat was dead I'd have written, "The cat's on the roof and can't get down." A few hours later I'd have written, "The cat's fallen off the roof and is badly hurt. A while later I would have sent another message saying, The cat has sadly passed away."
"Very good, sir," says the butler, "I'll remember that in future."
The businessman resumes his trip, books into his hotel, and finds that the butler has left another message, it says, "Your mother is on the roof and can't get down."

2006-11-01 07:57:35 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-01 07:57:12 · 15 answers · asked by shaggy 1

Harry is walking down the road when he notices an unusual funeral procession approaching the local cemetery. A hearse is followed by a second hearse and behind that walks a solitary man with a pitbull on a lead. Following behind the man are 200 other men walking in single file. Curious, Harry approaches the man with the dog. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but whose funeral is this?"
The man replies, "Well, the first hearse if for my wife. She died after my dog attacked her. And the second hearse is for my mother-in-law. she was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her too."
A thoughful moment of silence passes. "Any chance I could borrow your dog?" asks Harry.
"Join the queue," says the man.

2006-11-01 07:49:31 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

LIke he quite campaigning for the Democrats because he is afraid the Republicans are going to KETCH UP!!

2006-11-01 07:49:16 · 11 answers · asked by barrettins 3

A golfer drives his new Honda into a petrol station. An attendant comes over and the golfer asks him to fill up the tank. As he fills up, the attendant sees a couple of tees on the passenger seat, "What are those things for?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies the golfer.
"But what are they for?" asks the attendant.
The golfer replies, "They're for resting my balls on when I drive."
"Blimey," says the attendant, "Those Japanese have thought of everything."
------------------
How did the bad golfer hit two good balls?
He stood on a rake. :)
------------------
Harry and Tom are on the golf course. "I wish my wife had never taken up golf," says Harry. "She spends so much time practising she's cut down our sex life to once a week."
"Count yourself lucky," replied Tom. "She's cut some of us out altogether."
------------------

2006-11-01 07:42:44 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?

2006-11-01 07:34:17 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is marooned on a desert island for ten years. One day a beautiful woman is washed ashore and the man tells her his story.
"You mean you've been on this island all that time?" says the woman. "Tell me, did you smoke cigarettes before you were marooned?"
"Why, yes, I did, says the man.
"Here, have one of mine," says the woman pulling a packet out of her pocket. "Were you a drinking man before you got shipwrecked?" asks the woman.
"Why, yes, I was," says the man.
The woman reaches into her pocket and produces a small flask. "Help yourself," says the woman. "Since you've been alone all that time i guess you haven't played around in ten years have you?" says the woman.
"Good God!" says the man. "You don't mean you've got a set of golf clubs in there as well?"

2006-11-01 07:32:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

new priest asks the old priest "what do you do if your nervous holding your first mass"?
Old priest says "I have a big water glass full of gin and when I got nervous I took a sip"
After the mass the new priest asked "How did I do"
the old priest said " Not bad, but.....
Daniel FIT the lions in the den, not beat the sh..out of them
Jonah didnt swallow that damn big fish
And they aint pullin peters at saint taffy's tonight.....

2006-11-01 07:18:37 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Supposing a clock takes 7 seconds to strike 7. How long will the same clock take tostrike 10?

2006-11-01 07:16:08 · 16 answers · asked by Raj_Hyderabad 1

Please keep it clean though.

2006-11-01 07:13:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May i see your licence?

Lady: what does it look like?

Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over

2006-11-01 07:09:06 · 15 answers · asked by Tracy 4