Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own tune. The woman ****** her ear: "Quick, it's my husband coming through the front door. Hide in the bathroom" she cried.

The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.

"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.

"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile.

"Great" he said "I'll just nip into the bathroom and will be with you in two shakes."

Before she could stop him he was into the bathroom where he found the lover clapping his hands in mid-air.

"Who the devil are you?" the husband demanded.

"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths." the lover replied.

"But ... but you've got no clothes on!" stammered the husband.

The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, "The little bastards!"

2006-08-18 18:21:35 · 19 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A man opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.

When the police arrived at the scene, the man was complaining about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!!!", he demanded.

"You rich people are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my!", exclaimed the man, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.

"Where's my Rolex???!!!!"

2006-08-18 18:21:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

i dont know what your trembling at-im the one shes going to eat

2006-08-18 18:10:40 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men walk into a pitch black room full of hats, all the hats are black exept for two which are red. Each man picks up a random had and leaves the place. One guy says,
"I can't see the color of my hat but I can see your hats." Another guy says,
"I can't see the color of my hat but I know what colors your hats are."

And the blind guy says, "I can't see your hats but I know what color mine is."

How does the blind guy know what color of hat he's wearing?

2006-08-18 18:05:32 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.


At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those jerks at Home Depot ever deliver the damned Sheetrock!"

2006-08-18 18:04:06 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A gorgeous young blonde was visiting her new doctor for the first time. She was escorted to the small patient room and left alone to wait. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the examination.

Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and the doctor stepped in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

"Miss... uh..." he said, looking at the chart to get his eyes off her significant assets, "Smith!" he said, finally finding her name. "It seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

2006-08-18 18:00:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a -b-i-t-c-h on the phone! I'm lost and need directions!"

2006-08-18 17:58:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

As Camilla was making last-minute preparations to walk down the aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her sister's, which were a bit on the small side.

When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla retired to their room, right next door to the Queen's and Prince Phillip's.

As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are killing me."

The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour, but it was stuck fast.

"Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!"

"I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!"

There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed, "There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SOOO good!"

In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, 'See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."

Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.

"Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to the throne.

At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said, "That's my boy. Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"

2006-08-18 17:54:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

2006-08-18 17:51:15 · 7 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

I have an answer I will post it later I want to see what other people think first, especially Liberals.

2006-08-18 17:44:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

its a joke no offense to anyone


> A married Irishman went into the confessional and
> said to his priest, "I
> almost had an affair with another woman."
> The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
> The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and
> rubbed together, but
> then I stopped."
> The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as
> putting it in.
> You're not to see that woman again. For your
> penance, say five Hail
> Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
> The Irishman left the confessional, said his
> prayers, and then walked
> over to the poor box.
> He paused for a moment and then started to leave...
> The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to
> him saying, "I saw
> that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
> The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on
> the box, and
> according to you, that's the same as putting it in."

2006-08-18 17:36:49 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-18 17:29:47 · 10 answers · asked by LadieG 1

2006-08-18 17:28:05 · 13 answers · asked by something new 1

2006-08-18 16:57:41 · 41 answers · asked by LAUGHING MAGPIE 6

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing -- 45 years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting a divorce!" she shouts. "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, Do you hear me?" and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "OK," he says, "They're both coming for Thanksgiving and they're paying their own way!

2006-08-18 16:50:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?"

The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and is going to get a drink from the river.


The lizard climbs down the tree, walks thru the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with a monkey in a tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey you!"

"Duuuuuuuuuude!" the Monkey says when he looks down. "How much water did you drink?!"

2006-08-18 16:47:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dear Congress:

This is my plan to save bankrupt airlines:

Replace all female flight attendants with some good-lookin' strippers! What the hell? The attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?


The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple the alcohol consumption and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. At the same time, pay of stewdesses could be eliminated and they would earn more, based on dollar bills that would be stuffed in their G strings!

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenues.

Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

2006-08-18 16:45:34 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan; so, the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but, we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "The airport wanted to charge me two hundred dollars to store my car. Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Not all blondes are dumb.

2006-08-18 16:42:49 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see- through nightie.

"Aha," said he, "you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"

"But I'm not pregnant," the brunette indignantly exclaimed.

"You're not rescued yet either."

2006-08-18 16:33:39 · 21 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Willys cynical thought for the day;

In my web research, Declaration of Independence, etc., I have yet to find where the government says they'll be my freaking mommy! So you goddamn politicians stay the hell out of my life and pockets AZZHOLES!

The Nanny State (I got this in a Biker email rag)

Worrying about bacteria, New Jersey banned restaurants from serving eggs sunny side up. The ban has since been lifted. Some New Jersey localities have a ban on people pumping their own gasoline. Policemen issue citations for driving without a seatbelt. By law new cars must be equipped with air bags. Federal law mandates that all new toilets flush using a paltry 1.6 gallons of water. Georgia's governor mandates that classical music be given to all new mothers so as to aid infant IQ development. California, and others, has banned smoking in bars. Clinton wants a law passed banning smoking within 100 feet of a federal building. In parts of Ohio, children going trick-or-treating must obtain a special permit. These intrusions and more were recently revealed by television journalist John Stossel on ABC's 20/20. The stated motivation behind this gross intrusion and criminalization of private behavior is to protect us from making unwise choices.

John Stossel asked Ricardo Martinez, head of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), why can't people at least have air bag on/off switches. Martinez responded by saying that society makes decisions about what benefits most people, and most people benefit from air bags. Stossel interviewed Yale University's Professor Kelley D. Brownell, director of the Center for Eating & Weight Disorders who thinks Americans eat too many hamburgers and French fries. Professor Brownell wants government to tax fatty foods and those with little nutritional content and use the proceeds to subsidize fruits, vegetables and other nutritious foods. He's suggested that some of the tax proceeds be used to build bike and hiking trails.

I'm wondering just when Americans are going to decide that we've had enough government meddling in our lives. It is nobody's business whether I eat eggs sunny side up, drive without wearing seat belts, or pig out on hamburgers and French fries. I'd like someone to show me Congress's constitutional authority for government protecting me from making unwise choices. Those who believe government should be in the business of making us take care of ourselves, should tell us where does it all end? Should government decide what time we go to bed? After all sleep is vital to good health. Should government force us to exercise, read wholesome literature, and bathe regularly?

The people who advocate a nanny government (a better term is Nazi government) are cowards. You say, "What do you mean, William?" Take Kelley Brownell. If he doesn't want me to eat that Big Mac and French fries, let him walk up to my table and remove them from my plate. He wants no part of doing that because he doesn't want to meet his maker this year so he prefers using the brutal forces of government. "The rest is mine;

When I was young, bullies use to pick on me, take food off my lunch tray and otherwise harass me. That's until I followed the advice of my father who told me that if you let a bully get away with one thing, the next day it's going to be something else and the following day something else again. He told me that the bullying won't stop until I decide to stand up and fight. He said that even if I lose the fight, the next time I'm bullied, stand up and fight again. Let the bully know that when he bullies, win, lose or draw, he has a fight on his hands. Eventually he will stop. I think Americans should employ my Dad's advice. As long as we stand as lambs before the slaughter you can bet that there'll be no end to Congress's bureaucratic stooges bullying us.

This is still America, last I checked anyway, yes we have 'freedom' here but 'freedom' is, never was and never will be 'Free.' Those of us who like to eat hamburgers and greasy fries must take responsibility by a) walking around with a big butt b) doing exercise or c) (in my case) taking cholesterol lowering pills and *trying* to stay away from the greasy stuff.

If we don't want to wear seatbelts, or helmets, WE, not Congress, must pay in pain, time (in hospitals, rehabs w/e), or loss of body parts. I'm firmly convinced I would never have survived, some of, the accidents I was in had I been hog-tied to the seat. The insurance companies, and Medical providers, ALWAYS lobby for these laws but I haven't heard of a single case where after such a law was passed the insurance company says, "Oh with your 20 year perfect driving record (not mine) we've decided that your next ___ year's insurance is on us." Has a hospital ever said, "Now that our ER doctors and nurses won't have to be patching up all the accidents maybe we should offer breast enlargement at half price?" Now stop laughing and reread this paragraph in it, under sarcasm, is the point I'm trying to make. The answer to both is NO! And unless an insurance company or hospital administrator is reading this, and wants to prove me wrong, I don't think it ever will be!

The 'it's good for you' doesn't stop at the things listed above. What if a slimy politician took it in his, or her, head that tattooing is wrong? Or certain subjects can't be tattooed on anybody? Like large breasted blondes, skulls, flames, or spider webs? I hope I'm NOT giving them any ideas because I have all these. This can be taken as far as you want to go like; they pass a law that ONLY Army, Marine, Navy, Airforce w/e tattoos are kosher. Or just Democrat or Republican ink is allowed. How about the ONLY lower back, female, tattoo that will be allowed is a 'GodSmack Sun?' Okay tattooists stop salivating imagining how much business you'll get by people running out to get their favorite tattoo done. And remember the upswing will only last until enforcement duties are figured out, i.e., the local Police, County cops, State Police or help us all if the FBI gets the job. Actually help them I don't need any help!

And of course that's not the only thing 'good for you.' This has been tried but what if Congress actually passed a law banning Rock & Roll, Country, Blues, Rock-a-Billy or Rap music. Or what if they legislate pianos, Violins and Trumpets are the only acceptable instruments? No electric guitars, fiddles, Blues Harps or Saxophones? And of course subsidizing lessons is another way to do, almost, the same thing!

Americans are lucky the founding fathers came from Europe where Religion - a belief in their God - was considered 'good for you' so it was mandated in some places; which is where 'The First Amendment' came from. If European governments had mandated seatbelts on cable cars and horses, and or required at least 4 oz. of meat at dinner -- chicken, beef or fish -- there may have been another Bill of Rights. This one saying, something like, "Congress shall make no law requiring citizens to do anything somebody thinks will be good for them." Unless, of course, any of them made, or sold, seatbelts or had anything to do with producing, or selling, meat. In 1776 that was, almost, everybody. This was long before people either ate meat or were vegetarians. In fact getting enough to eat was more important than the cholesterol!" Now a few quotes;

"The career of a politician mainly consists in making one part of the nation do what it does not want to do, in order to please and satisfy the other part of the nation. It is the prolonged sacrifice of the rights of some persons at the bidding and for the satisfaction of other persons. The ruling idea of the politician - stated rather bluntly - is that those who are opposed to him exist for the purpose of being made to serve his ends, if he can get power enough in his hands to force these ends upon them." -- Auberon Herbert

"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him." -- Robert Heinlein

"The most basic question is not what is best but who shall decide what is best." -- Thomas Sowell

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-18 16:29:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

An older man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that she had never climaxed during sex and, by birthright, all women are entitled to at least one climax during sex. So they went to see a doctor.

The doctor tells them to get a young, strong, virile young man to wave a towel over them while they are having sex. This, the doctor says, will cause the woman to climax, so the couple tries it. After several attempts, still no climax. They go back to the doctor.

The doctor says for the bride to change partners and have the virile young man have sex with her and have the husband wave the towel. They try it that night and the young woman goes into wild, screaming earsplitting climaxes, one after the other.

When it is over, the husband smugly looks down at the young man and says, "You see, you idiot! That's how you wave a towel!"

2006-08-18 16:24:39 · 8 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really? Hmm, I didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care!"

The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off. Watch and learn," he says, getting up and heading for the Irishman.

So, the second Englishman tapped the man on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really? Huh, I hadn't heard that before."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off. Just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

2006-08-18 16:23:09 · 10 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

You have to be careful when you register a domain name! It's sometimes hard to figure out what words are embedded in it if you don't capitalize things well in your advertising:

Site: GotAHoe.com
Is really: GoTahoe.com (Lake Tahoe Visitors Bureau)

Site: PenisLand.net
Is really: PenIsland.net (sells custom pens)

Site: TheRapistFinder.com
Is really: TherapistFinder.com (directory of therapists)

Site: ExpertSexChange.net
Is really: ExpertsExchange.net (data base experts site)

Site: WhorePresents.com
Is really: WhoRepresents.com (directory of agents and who they represent)

Site: PowerGenitalia.com
Is really: PowergenItalia.com (Italian power company)

Site: MolestationNursery.com
Is really: MoleStationNursery.com (a plant nursery in Mole Station, Australia)

Site: DollarSexChange.com
Is really: DollarsExchange.com (currency trading site)

and...

Site: CummingFirst.com
Is really: CummingFirst.com (yeah, well, it's the Cumming, Georgia, First Methodist Church!)

2006-08-18 16:20:51 · 19 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

I was in science class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm. A girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then. When she realized what she said her face became red with embarrasment. Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the back of your throat. The girl started crying and left class ...

2006-08-18 15:54:13 · 20 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

My arrival in heaven made me feel poetic:

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics and the trash.


There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake."

"And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber - give me a clue."
"Hush, child," He said, "they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you."

2006-08-18 15:44:30 · 13 answers · asked by Woody 3

A bear, a lion and a chicken are sitting talking about who is the hardest.

The bear says, "when I bellow the whole forest trembles with fear."

The lion says, "when I roar the whole jungle shakes with fear."

The chicken says, "when I sneeze the whole world s-h-i-t-s itself."

2006-08-18 15:40:53 · 6 answers · asked by Woody 3

20. Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00 a.m.!

19. Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green.

18. Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states.

17. Never in car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

16. Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to carpool.

15. No one can see you pick your nose while you drive.

14. Lunch breaks in Paris, circa 1792.

13. L.A. to Vegas in 2 nanoseconds.

12. You can stop worrying about being sucked into a black hole while driving home from work.

11. You'll be so thin while driving it you can even wear horizontal stripes.

10. That deer in your headlights is actually behind you.

9. Traffic enforcement limited to cops with PhDs in quantum physics.

8. Bugs never see you comin'.

7. You can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

6. Can make a fortune delivering pizza with the slogan, "It's there before you order or it's free!"

5. Car makes it from Hollywood to London fast enough to not arouse suspicions of Elizabeth Hurley.

4. License plate: "Me=mc^2"

3. Cigarette butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

2. The more you drive, the younger you get.

1. Chicks dig it.

2006-08-18 15:38:39 · 4 answers · asked by Woody 3

Visit here to feel more comfortable, on your next trip to the gym.

http://www.globalbikesonline.com/catalog/index.php/cPath/57_103

2006-08-18 15:36:37 · 2 answers · asked by Woody 3

2006-08-18 15:32:45 · 32 answers · asked by bep/mimi fan 2

First Sign

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."

Second Sign

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"


Third Sign

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of six?'"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."


Fourth Sign

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last.'"

2006-08-18 15:32:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous