Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

once a girl was buying pads that time some boys came and asked her that"are you buying bread?"
she replied"yes do you want sauce on it?"

2006-08-18 23:53:39 · 15 answers · asked by princess ayesha 2

S O M E T I M E S



Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.



Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.



Sometimes...
when you are worried...
no one sees your stress.



Sometimes...
when you are happy...
no one sees your smile.





-

-
But FART!! just ONE time...

And everybody knows!!

Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories I usually send! This one is not! But, it was too cute not to send. LOL

2006-08-18 23:51:17 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

notihng really to see here just bored talk about watever

2006-08-18 23:49:30 · 6 answers · asked by O00-ACE-00O 3

> A woman and a baby were in the doctor's

> examining room, waiting for the doctor to

> come in for the baby's first exam. The

> doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked

> his weight, and being a little concerned,

> asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?

> "Breast-fed" she replied.

> "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor

> ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples,

> then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both

> breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

> Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,

> "No wonder this baby is underweight. You

> don't have any milk."

> "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma,

> but I'm glad I came."

2006-08-18 23:46:04 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Make up a funny story using any 5words. It gonna turn out to be hilarious! =D

------------------

Eric and Hanna walking to...

2006-08-18 23:43:28 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Subject: Can we ever understand men?


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't, know where to start."

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You
never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same
thing.
And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for
which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me
twice as, much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole
show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding
a
calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't
think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a
complete stranger? I mean, how on earth could he know where we're
going?

Because I'm a man, whatever you get your mother for Mother's Day is
okay; I don't need to see it. And while you're at it, don't forget to
pick up something for my mother, also. And, please sign the card too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes
is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?

This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male species.

2006-08-18 23:41:33 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

It was a hot Sunday mornin'
Middle of July
The choir was a singin'
'Bout the sweet by and by

Everybody was a swayin'
And sweatin' in the heat
We all bowed our heads down
As the preacher took his seat

My sister and my brother
stood next to my mother
In the quiet at the close of the verse
That's when daddy cut the big one
At the Horn Lake Mississippi
Missionary Baptist Church

My sister rolled her eyes back
My brother bit his lip
My cousin just behind us
Whispered, "Hey, who let it rip?"

I stuck my face in my shirtsleeve
Stared down at my shoes
Lord, you could hear a pin drop
As we stood there in the pew
Heads were turnin',
eyes were burnin'

Momma stuck her nose in her purse
After daddy cut the big one
At the Horn Lake Mississippi
Missionary Baptist Church

He cut the big one
It was a stinker
Then he broke the silence
With a snicker
And us kids started laughin'
'Til I thought we was all gonna burst
After daddy cut the big one
At the Horn Lake Mississippi
Missionary Baptist Church

He said, "The devil made me do it"
Momma said it was the liverwurst
And that's why daddy cut the big one
At the Horn Lake Mississippi
Missionary Baptist Church

2006-08-18 23:36:12 · 12 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

the little boy one day decided to ask his parents the million dollar question:
"dad...where were you before you met mom?"
"oh, I was working in France"
"mom...where were you before you met dad?"
"I was in Brazil, honey"
astonished, the little boy continued:
"....and how did all of us end up meeting here in UK?"

2006-08-18 23:32:41 · 6 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Henry's new job had him spending a lot of time on the road, and out of concern for his wife's safety he visited a pet shop to look at watchdogs.
"I have just the dog for you," said the salesman, showing him a miniature Pekingese.
"Come on," Henry protested,"That little thing couldn't hurt a flea."
"Ah, but he know's karate," the salesman replied. "Here, let me show you." He pointed to a cardboard box and ordered, "Karate the box!" Immediately the dog shredded it. The salesman then pointed to an old wooden chair and instructed, " Karate the chair!" The dog reduced the chair to matchsticks. Astounded, Henry bought the dog.
When he got home, Henry announced that he had purchased a watchdog, but his wife took one look at the Pekingese and was unimpressed. " That scrawny thing couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag!" she said.
"But the Pekingese is special," Henry insisted. "He's a karate expert."
"Now I've heard everything," Helen replied. "Karate my foot!"


lol

2006-08-18 23:29:56 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

First think of the person who lives in diguise,
Who deals in secrets and tells naught but lies.
Next,tell me whats always the last thing to mend,
The middle of middle and end of the end?
And finally give me the sound often heard
During the search for a hard to find word.
Now string them together and amwer me this,
Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?

2006-08-18 23:17:14 · 11 answers · asked by O00-ACE-00O 3

ru really intrested in Me ?

2006-08-18 22:44:55 · 12 answers · asked by INTEL Inside 2

2006-08-18 22:44:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Big John's Sermon

The Pope was finishing his sermon.

He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - (which means Blessed be
Mankind).

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day.

They complained that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.

The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini,
et Tuti Femini" - (which means Blessed be Mankind and Womankind).

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope.

They said that they noticed that he blessed mankind and womankind, and asked
if he could also bless gay people.

The Pope said, "Sure".

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with,

"Tuti Homeni, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."

2006-08-18 22:42:05 · 8 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-08-18 22:38:21 · 12 answers · asked by honey9_divya 2

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this?
Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you'll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little b$*#*#d! He makes me run around the forest like a $#*%$ idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

2006-08-18 22:24:12 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-08-18 22:09:26 · 35 answers · asked by nity 1

2006-08-18 22:04:38 · 12 answers · asked by Sara *Life is so unlike theory* 5

2006-08-18 22:04:09 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

What does the other one say?

2006-08-18 21:16:27 · 12 answers · asked by abbeyroad54321 3

This young swimmer from the Greek Olympic team manages
to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into
his room at the Olympic Village. Once she's inside, he quickly
switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap
onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement. After about twenty
minutes of wild sex, they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion.
The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light.
His beautifully developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven
scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lies beside her. She's
really pleased to have met this guy.

At this point, the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He
fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a
small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he
stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly
energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other
side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on
top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance.

The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second
encounter. Somehow, the Greek Adonis has completely recovered
from his previous exhaustion! After nearly half an hour of wild
activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer
again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the
mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges
on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love
all over AGAIN.

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the
same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly
see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations,
but she sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after another
repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string
of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now
feeling rather faint herself.

"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed
Greek Adonis, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!" She rises
unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid. She braces herself
for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-
Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives
under the bed....

....only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members
of the Greek relay team.............

2006-08-18 20:24:18 · 15 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Answer: just write the letters, "S" "A" !!
ha ha

2006-08-18 20:19:19 · 26 answers · asked by starsunlimited 2

i know the numbers:
108 105 108 107
117 111 114 104

but what do they mean? how do i decode them?
whats the answer!!!??
thanx

2006-08-18 20:11:49 · 6 answers · asked by voguette01 1

A man and woman meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go back to the woman's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

Watching him, the woman says, "You must be a dentist."

Surprised, the guy responds, "Yes... how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love. Once they're done, the woman says, "You must be a really good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, "Well yes, I am a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

2006-08-18 19:34:22 · 23 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Last time, we had this riddle:

Why is the Energizer Bunny in jail?
A: Because he was charged with battery!

Heheh. And here is today's riddle:

What does the judge want the dentist to promise?

Good luck!

2006-08-18 19:33:17 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

a man's wife is having a baby. she's in labor. he desperately calls 911
man: "my wife's in labor, she's having a baby"
911 lady "is this her first child?"
man: "no, it's her husbant"

2006-08-18 19:24:49 · 21 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

Second letter of the word is 'H'

2006-08-18 19:21:58 · 20 answers · asked by DevilRules 1

Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.

- She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

- Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.

- Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.

- Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.

- Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.

- Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.

- Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!

2006-08-18 19:08:08 · 11 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

2006-08-18 19:01:52 · 37 answers · asked by avi 1

The door bell is rang. A neighbor is in the porch with a pen and piece of paper.
-Would you like to participate in a group sex? - he asks a man who opened the door.
-And who gonna be in that group?
-I have you, your wife and myself in the list.
-Hey, what are you saying, man! Certainly I'll not!
-OK. I'll cross you out, said the neighbor.
******************************
Mary! I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?"
-"That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray."
********************************
A barber is shaving a man. His cat follows his every move.
- I see you have an educated cat, says the customer.
- No. Not really. He's just waiting for an ear.
*******************************
A naked woman gets into a taxi. A cab driver looks at her stupefied.
- What's up. Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?
- No. I'm just wondering where you suppose to take the money from?

2006-08-18 19:01:31 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-18 18:59:05 · 7 answers · asked by Withanachchi L 1