2006-08-18 22:04:38 · 12 answers · asked by Sara *Life is so unlike theory* 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
here this will make you laugh, enjoy!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oFGFRHCBrwA
2006-08-18 22:08:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-***?
2006-08-19 05:08:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
A little boy on his trycicle asked the man in the pickup next to him if he wanted to race. The man agreed, so when the stoplight turned red, he went 10 mph. The bot went back a little, then came back next to the man. him. So he went 30 mph. But he was still there. 50, then 80 mph, and the boy was still right next too him. So the man sped up to 100 mph. The boy was still there! The man pulled to a stop, as did the little boy.
The boy was breathing hard. The man asked him how he did that.
"gasp... gasp... My shirt was...stuck in your door!" the boy replied.
2006-08-19 09:53:25 · answer #3 · answered by I ♥ Maximum Ride 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84 percent more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency,we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon.
"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed.
The waiter served our main course and I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom."
"How so?"
"See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"Okay, that makes sense, but . . . if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
2006-08-19 05:09:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
So a bear and a rabbit are taking a **** in the woods and the bear asks "Hey Rabbit do you have problems with **** sticking to your fur?" The rabbit laughs and says "No, not at all." So the bear wipes his *** with the rabbit.
2006-08-19 05:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by icewaterintheviens777 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK, there was a girl named Sarah. she asked a question one night cuze she wanted to laugh. but know one gave her a joke so she went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. and then she laughed at what she saw in the mirror.lol lol lol
2006-08-19 05:10:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
a granny wore a sexy dress.. her husband kept on readin the paper...
next day..
she wore see-through... still nothing...
next day...
she was naked...
her husband got annoyed and said
"what's that ur wearin?? did u forget to iron that?"
lol...
2006-08-19 05:23:09 · answer #7 · answered by anica 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror
and says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat
and ugly. Pay me a compliment".
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's perfect".
They say he never heard the shot.............
2006-08-19 05:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by Bear Naked 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What iz ze undergarment you would find in african junglez??
ZE-BRA of courze.....
2006-08-19 11:42:23 · answer #9 · answered by king_con 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you give a hillbilly a circumcision??????????////
Kick his sister in the jaw..
Ohhhh I am terrible
2006-08-19 05:10:10 · answer #10 · answered by crotch critter 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋