First Sign
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
Second Sign
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
Third Sign
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of six?'"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
Fourth Sign
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever.'"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last.'"
2006-08-18 15:32:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
LOL. Great! You're on a roll! LOL. LOL.
10. 10. 10.
2006-08-19 04:51:08 · answer #1 · answered by jfmm 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly I understand (even inspite of the undeniable fact that i don't love) your perspectives. i wager this may be controversial on each and each area of Christians. I do imagine marriage might want to be guy and lady, yet you've loose will! And your selection is your human being, and your existence is your human being. merely because you want your same sex does no longer recommend your a horrendous demon and may be forged out to devil. about those issues such as your mom pulling out the bible, Yeah i imagine Christians might want to abide by technique of it and seem in it from time to time for practise yet properly, there is no longer each and each component about the thanks to stay your existence in that one e book! And cases have replaced. someplace (i do not recognize which verse) in John it says this or something alongside the strains- no longer each thing is in the bible! the in uncomplicated words ingredient that can make u a nasty individual in case you probably did undesirable stuff! merely make the right selections! wish this helps!
2016-11-26 01:01:36 · answer #2 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body.
She said, "I can't wear your pants."
"That's right !" intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family."
The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try them on.
"No way. I can't get into your panties." he said.
"That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your attitude." she said and smiled
On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. "You know honey," she said, "I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married."
"Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. "I wish to hell I could."
A guy walks into a bar and orders a double shot of bourbon. He downs it then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a picture. He stares at the picture for a moment then puts it away and orders another double. After downing that drink, he proceeds to pull out the picture and examine it before putting it away and ordering another double.
This goes on for about 4 rounds of drinks before the bartender asks him what's going on. "Well..." the guy says, "This is a picture of my wife. When she starts to look good, I'm going home."
The bored husband was watching TV with his wife and noticed something different. "Honey, he asked, "why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger ?
She sighed and said, "Because I married the wrong man !"
2006-08-18 16:09:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very Funny! I like the 3rd sign the best!
2006-08-18 15:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by hh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thumbs up!
2006-08-18 15:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by none 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha i told the second and third one before though
2006-08-18 16:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
finally, a good joke. that's comedy.
2006-08-18 16:17:50 · answer #7 · answered by ~it's me~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
rofl you make the best jokes today hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
2006-08-18 15:33:29 · answer #8 · answered by LiTlE mIsSy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OMG That was so funny!
2006-08-18 16:36:02 · answer #9 · answered by iLoveDawnDawn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny.
2006-08-21 05:00:42 · answer #10 · answered by katz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋