Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Just a rhetorical question of course. Don't take it literally, folks.

BTW, what CATegory should this question BE under, anyway?

2006-07-18 09:21:18 · 7 answers · asked by Inquisitive 5

Me and a couple budies at work are trying to come up with some jokes that include balls. Do you know any?

2006-07-18 09:16:12 · 2 answers · asked by ~~ziggy~~ 2

Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

2006-07-18 09:07:28 · 9 answers · asked by drumrchick 3

Do you know what it is??

2006-07-18 09:05:36 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-18 08:52:20 · 9 answers · asked by spookareus 4

Jack and Jill Went up the hill
to smoke some marijuanna.
Jack got high and dropped his fly
and said, "jill, do you wanna?"

Jill said yes and dropped her dress
and then they had some fun.
but silly Jill forgot the Pill
and now they have a son!


Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill’s now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city


Jack and Jill went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass and grabbed her a**
Now two of his front teeth are missing


Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick Jill's f*nny.
Jack got a shock
and a mouthful of c*ck
cos Jill's a f***ing tranny.

---------------------------------------

Mary had a little lamb
and the doctor screamed
But when Old McDonald had a farm
the midwife fainted.

Mary had a little blouse
and it was blown to bits
and everywhere that Mary went
it showed her little t!ts


Mary had a little skirt
'twas split right up the front
and everywhere that Mary went
it showed her little c*nt

2006-07-18 08:49:10 · 11 answers · asked by coolshaikh 1

Why can't we get 'freeze' for the summer?

2006-07-18 08:47:57 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

One saturday afternoon a manwas sitting in his lawnchair, drinkingbeer and watchinfg his wife mow the lawn. A neighbvor was so outraged at this, she went over and shouted to the man "you should be hung!" to which he calmly replied, " I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

2006-07-18 08:36:13 · 11 answers · asked by gravitatingingoshen 3

Ok everyone, here it goes. A girl with big boobs works at Hooters right? So where does a girl with one leg work?

2006-07-18 08:33:57 · 17 answers · asked by nosilla 1

Okay so here it goes
Rail Road Crossing Straight Ahead
How many r's are in that
I know this is stupid,but hey it could possibly get you ten points,so just do it.

2006-07-18 08:33:14 · 13 answers · asked by monkeybabe2324 1

1. Yo mama so fat we're in her right now!
2. Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
3. Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!
4. Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
5. Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
6. Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway.
7. Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
8. Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th!
9. Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too!
10. Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
11. Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
12. Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
13. Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
14. Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
15. Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
16. Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
17. Yo mama so old her birth certificate says "expired" on it.
18. Yo mama so old she ran in a race with dinosaurs.
19. Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
20. Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

2006-07-18 08:32:48 · 20 answers · asked by Bilal Hares 3

Yo mama is so fat she fell in love and broke it! hahahahahaaaa i laughed for a whole wk! u think that it is funni too my sister said that i am over reacting do you think so? do you have and yo mama jokes?! LOL LMAO!

2006-07-18 08:30:59 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your joke cannot include, kids, races, or blondes in order to win.

2006-07-18 08:28:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

And you close your eyes tight, what would you see?

2006-07-18 08:26:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

a women is in a hospital, about to give birth to her first child. she gives a big gasp, and suddenly the babys head appears. the baby turns to the first man he sees and says, "are you my father?" the man replies that he is the doctor, and that the father had not made it to the hospital yet. so thew baby says, "well, im not coming out until my father shows up. tap three times on my mothers stomach when he arrives and then i'll come out." with that he returns to his mothers womb. the father arrives an hour later. the doctor duly taps on the mothers stomach three times and down comes the baby. he looks around, sees his father and calls him over. with his little finger he pokes the fathers nose, eye, and ear. while the father is wincing he says, "so now you know how it feels. not very nice, is it?"

2006-07-18 08:16:19 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and
run over an oppossum.

Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their
pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough
there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.

They take it into the car and continue down the road. The
little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so
the wife asks her husband what she should do?

He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in
it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put
it in "there" it will calm down."

She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly
and nasty!"

The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little
nose!"

2006-07-18 08:00:39 · 10 answers · asked by TOO HOT 4

There was an older man that was married to a much younger woman, and he was having trouble lasting long enough in bed.
So he went to the doctor and was told he should please himself before having sex and he would last longer.
One day as 5 o'clock rolls around, he gets a call from his wife who says she's very horny. On his way home,
he remembers what the doctor said and decides to jerk it before he gets home. He thinks,
"Well, I can't do it in the car, but if I get under it I can pretend I'm fixing my car."
So he gets under the car, closes his eyes, and starts jerkin it. A few minutes later,
there's a tug at his pants leg. In order to keep the image of his beautiful wife, he doesn't open his eyes,
but just hollars, "Yeah?" "I'm Officer Brown. What are you doing down there?" "Well, officer, I'm checking my axle;
I think it's come lose." "Well, mister, while you're down there, you might wanna check your brakes; your car's 2 blocks down the road crashed into a tree."

2006-07-18 07:52:43 · 23 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

2006-07-18 07:48:14 · 9 answers · asked by boxergirl 5

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

2006-07-18 07:43:47 · 14 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

Like an Old Salt

There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts.

One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!"
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.


Then the guy gets angry and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and
he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would
make a sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din.
The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird meekly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded and amazed at the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the CHICKEN DO?"

2006-07-18 07:36:39 · 9 answers · asked by TOO HOT 4

Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?

Have you ever tried to peel open a cold grilled cheese sandwich?

Yeah, I know...bad! I will probably get reported.

2006-07-18 07:34:06 · 5 answers · asked by Master Kenobi 4

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As
the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this
girl is not wearing any panties.

The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, "Little
girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not
proper to walk around without any panties on."

The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks
her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where
the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened.

Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to
her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her
shortest dresses and runs out to the church.

As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to
walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls
her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything,
walks back to the priest very calmly.

The priest hands the lady $1 and says... "Lady, take this
money and for God's sake, go buy yourself a razor!"

2006-07-18 07:15:04 · 16 answers · asked by TOO HOT 4

I really feel like doing a rhumba. I am sure nobody is watching, what if they are?

2006-07-18 07:09:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lets hear some random two word combos. I'll start it off with Swirly Poop

2006-07-18 07:06:12 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

only give one

2006-07-18 06:48:05 · 17 answers · asked by ? 2

2006-07-18 06:35:52 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-18 06:23:09 · 24 answers · asked by Grin Reeper 5

Okay this joke is kind of mean but I think it's funny.

What has more brains; Kurt Cobain or the wall behind him?

2006-07-18 06:12:09 · 22 answers · asked by yourstupidityeludesme 3

2006-07-18 06:11:54 · 34 answers · asked by danie_1024 2

I know the answer, who else does?

2006-07-18 06:08:51 · 20 answers · asked by danie_1024 2