Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

when someone ask you a penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents worth in what happens to the extra penny

2006-07-17 22:59:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

2006-07-17 22:43:17 · 13 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

wots got holes in it but holds water?

2006-07-17 22:43:07 · 13 answers · asked by bigboobs1@btinternet.com 2

2006-07-17 22:37:51 · 3 answers · asked by korukonda g 1

2006-07-17 22:37:31 · 14 answers · asked by David 1

I'm talking about your buttcheeks!!

2006-07-17 21:59:30 · 14 answers · asked by What? 2

what did you learn from life so far?
(funny answers pleez)

2006-07-17 21:58:52 · 14 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Two friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming,
"A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!".
The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says.
"It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
,the other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"

2006-07-17 21:47:10 · 27 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

good....better...

2006-07-17 21:43:26 · 12 answers · asked by Rajiv G 4

He proceeds to fart the loudest fart you have ever heard.The man goes like "Excuse me you farted before my wife".The drunk staggers to his feet shakily bows and says "Sorry I didnt know it was her turn.

2006-07-17 21:41:36 · 16 answers · asked by freddy w 1

In the sock drawer you have 6 black socks, 4 brown socks , 8 white socks and 2 blue socks -How many socks would you have to pull out in the dark to be sure you had a matching pair ?

Answer in 10 minutes if no one gets it

2006-07-17 21:33:01 · 9 answers · asked by robppc20022002 2

2006-07-17 21:22:45 · 14 answers · asked by deepak57 7

'Cause I'm sick of your complainin'
About how many bills
And I'm sick of all your bitchin'
'Bout your poodles and your pills


What musical performer or band played that song? If you'll give the first right answer i will punish you with my juicy (10 points worth) spank. So get your asses overhere...

2006-07-17 21:03:40 · 5 answers · asked by clovisfleischhund 3

Strangelove What musical performer or band played that song? If you'll give the first right answer i will punish you with my juicy (10 points worth) spank. So get your asses overhere...

2006-07-17 20:52:29 · 8 answers · asked by clovisfleischhund 3

Why are Pirates called Pirates?



They just arrrggggh

2006-07-17 20:49:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

see my pic..take your finger out of my as$...lol

2006-07-17 20:22:03 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/moviefiles/madcaller.wmv"

2006-07-17 20:19:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children wouldn't know what they were talking about. they would ask "could I take in your laundry tonight ?" so the kids couldn't understand. Husband comes home from work one night and asked "Honey, can I take in your laundry tonight? No not tonight was her reply. No big deal as he has come home many nights without getting any. They following night he comes home from work and asks "Honey, can I take in your laundry tonight? again her reply was No, not tonight. This goes on several more nights, and the exasperated man always get the same answer, No, not tonight. So the following night the man comes home from work, never says a thing to his wife, but goes straight to bed. In the morning his wife is somewhat worried (knowing how horny he is) and asks "Honey, how come you didn't want to take in my washing last night? Don't even think about it he replies, I only had a small load so I did it by hand.

2006-07-17 20:11:22 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-17 20:03:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Beer Before It Starts


A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on
the
TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished
it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This
time
she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop
your fat *** down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run
around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and
wash
and iron all day long?

The husband sighed. "Sh!t, it's started."


i gave it a 3 because i saw it coming

2006-07-17 19:50:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 19:47:29 · 6 answers · asked by YoungBuck 1

A woman was helping her husband set-up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Someting he will use to log-on. The husband was rather in a humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So when the computer asked him to enter the password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying-in "P..E..N..I..S..".
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied. ***PASSWORD REJECTED, NOT LONG ENOUGH***

2006-07-17 19:43:04 · 15 answers · asked by Howard 1

Girls are more talkative than boys because they have two mouths,
the one from above and the one from below.
Boys will just understand bec. we have two heads, the one from above and the one from below. I got to admit that the head from below is small but has a very long neck.

2006-07-17 19:42:17 · 8 answers · asked by jong jong 2

A retired couple are sitting at the table eating dinner. The wife looks at her husband and says, " I love you so much!"
Her husband looks at her oddly and says, "Well..I love you too." The wife says, "No, you dont understand. When I look at you, my breasts feel like they're on fire!"
Her husband looks at his wife, smiles sweetly, and says, "Sweetheart- your nipples are in your soup."

:)

2006-07-17 19:35:03 · 13 answers · asked by Starry 4

Wow! There were alot of good answer to the last riddle, but I was looking for one in particular. And here it is:

Why were the cars blushing?
A: Because they saw the lights changing!

Heheh. Ok. And here is today's riddle:

Given a slow horse, what do you do to make it fast?

Have fun! :)

2006-07-17 19:31:27 · 13 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-07-17 19:27:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was summoned to his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.
"Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a milliondollars."
"That's the bad news?" laughed the man. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
The terrible news is...
"The picture is of you and your secretary!"

2006-07-17 19:26:14 · 16 answers · asked by Pd 6

BEAR: I roar and the forest trembles.
LION: I roar and the jungle shakes.
CHICKEN: I "cough" and the world panics!!! (Bird Flu!!!)

source: www.pinoyjokes.net

2006-07-17 19:20:18 · 21 answers · asked by Art_a_diba 1

Thanks

2006-07-17 18:58:22 · 2 answers · asked by YoungBuck 1

2006-07-17 18:53:02 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous