Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Quite often we see such interesting messages. How the people like me (aged about 55 years) should react over it ?

2006-07-17 18:51:30 · 8 answers · asked by chambalmaster 1

2006-07-17 18:46:11 · 6 answers · asked by chacio 2

2006-07-17 18:32:56 · 14 answers · asked by mr_BIG 3

How do you wake up making headlines?

2006-07-17 18:27:51 · 17 answers · asked by iggwad ™ 5

Girls to can say whatever...although i aint heard of many girls purposeing

2006-07-17 18:12:31 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 18:03:41 · 6 answers · asked by Belly-Stabber 1

A man had tickets to Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Final right at center ice. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

"Well, actually," the man responds, "the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head, "No, no one. They're all at the funeral."

2006-07-17 17:57:40 · 15 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

2006-07-17 17:56:46 · 21 answers · asked by yarbleman 2

what is the key to life, when life's question's can not be solved. There is an answer. 10 points to the first correct answer.

2006-07-17 17:52:52 · 38 answers · asked by heawaits12 1

because the 3 is in the way....

2006-07-17 17:45:50 · 10 answers · asked by hector 4

what is greater than god, more evil than the devil. rich poeple dont need it, poor poeple have it. and if you eat it you will die

2006-07-17 17:40:36 · 13 answers · asked by heawaits12 1

there is a bridge. and on this bridge is a train track. there is a train coming from the north at 60 miles per hour. and another coming from the south at 70 miles per hour. the are coming towards each other at full speed but never crash. how is this possible

2006-07-17 17:35:37 · 15 answers · asked by heawaits12 1

I am taking a pre-college algebra course

2006-07-17 17:26:58 · 25 answers · asked by Merideth s 2

2006-07-17 17:15:08 · 6 answers · asked by Charmaine * 3

I was riding in a taxicab this morning and there was a female dispatcher on the two-way radio. She was dispatching the cabs to various addresses and the usual dispatch chatter was going on. Suddenly, the dispatcher asked?... Michael Hunt, are you out there... Mike? Do you read me?... Mike Hunt, Mike Hunt... Come in, ... Come In... Come in Mike Hunt. I don't know why this seem so funny to me- it's just a persons name.

I couldn't stop laughing. I think something shot out of my nose!



☻☺☻☺☻

2006-07-17 17:14:00 · 16 answers · asked by ••Mott•• 6

2006-07-17 17:03:50 · 40 answers · asked by Modest intellect 4

i was taking a small break and i just need to know if i should make some more?

2006-07-17 16:59:05 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

No Spikka Inglish

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an

animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the

following
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In

this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex

lives....
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm ajusta

tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

>I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!!







---------------------------------
Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates starting at 1¢/min.

2006-07-17 16:52:47 · 11 answers · asked by ~Shy~Girl~ 2

Ok this is it for me! I'll c'all y'all tomorrow!
Willys cynical thought for the day;

Many of you who rely on body language need to improve your freaking vocabulary!

OK, we all know that 666 is the number of the Beast, but did you know that...

670 - Approximate number of the Beast

DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast

666.0000000 - Number of the High Precision Beast

665.9999954 - Number of the Pentium Beast

0.666 - Number of the Millibeast

/666 - Beast Common Denominator

666 x sq. rt (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast

1010011010 - Binary of the Beast 6

1-666 - Area code of the Beast

00666 - Zip code of the Beast

1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute.
Over 18 only please.

$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast

$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax

$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul

$606.66 - Wal-Mart price of the Beast

$566.66 - Costco/Price Club price of the Beast

Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast

Route 666 - Way of the Beast

666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast

666k - Retirement plan of the Beast

666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast

6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank,
$666 -minimum deposit.

Lotus 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast

Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast

i66686 - CPU of the Beast

666i - BMW of the Beast

DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast

668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast

- Number of the Blonde Beast uh... what was that number again?

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-17 16:45:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 16:38:25 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Give me freaking ambiguity or give me something else!

You recognize last call as a secret signal that all unattended drinks are fair game.

When someone says "expensive wine," you think "gallon jug."

You're not angry about the fly in your drink, you're angry he didn't chip in on the tab.

You've never taken a lesson, but after eight drinks you're pretty damn sure you can play the piano. And break dance, at the same time.

You hate it when your lightweight drinking buddies get so drunk you can barely see them.

You've put a dozen vampires into A.A.

You shake the same person's hand five times between last call and getting booted out.

You're entire life's savings equals a case a cheap beer and bottle of rotgut bourbon. And you're very excited by the fact.

You think Jim Beam is a utility company because it keeps shutting off your lights.

You never blackout. You just take a lot of "loud vertical naps."

You have never taken a drink of a non-alcoholic beverage without thinking, "Man, a splash of booze would fix this right up."

You've apologized to people you don't remember meeting for things you don't remember doing in places you don't remember going.

You think of plate glass windows as more suggestions than guidelines.

You can't walk a straight line unless the floor is moving.

You dressed as a wino for Halloween and no one noticed.

Half the bartenders in town know exactly which porch to leave you on.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-17 16:21:43 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 15:58:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I come in darkness, but fill the mind with light.
I bring enlightenment to some, while gripping others in the hand of fear.
With me it can be a journey of inexplicable joy and sorrow.
What I will show you will often be unreachable.
Journey with me and what you see may haunt you.
Journey with me and you may never want to return home.
Journey with me and you will never know when it will end.
What am I?

2006-07-17 15:58:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you haven't seen my other one, check it out on my Q&A.. Here goes.. It's called..

The Discovery

Love is the slowest form of suicide
I'm killing myself softly
Your words are like blades
They go deep into my skin and affect my insides..
Your touch is like poison
It quickly runs over my body
You touch my hands,
And I feel it from my toes to my memory glands
It's not suicide! Your words are the killer
Your lies hide behind a chocolatey-smooth voice
Your weapon is well hidden...
How did I give you such control??
I let you get such a hold,
And you're not letting go..
It's killing me softly.
Your weapons are your promises
You shot me with your love,
You stabbed with your trust,
You choked me with your kiss,
And you kill me when we fuss..
But is it really you killing me??
Or am I doing it to myself..
I'm commiting a suicide, killing what's left in my heart...

Additional Details

4 weeks ago
I didn't finish it, I just thought of it regarding my stupid relationship... Rate it please?? 1-10. Really hope you like it because I was feeling it when I wrote it...

2006-07-17 15:53:18 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I wrote a poem when I found out my boyfriend might be cheating on me.. I was so upset, I wrote my first poem out of anger.. Here it is and can you guys evaluate it 1-10???

It's called...

What's Up???

What's up with this??
late night calls- from another girl..
who you tryna diss??
If she's just a friend, why do you talk to her the way you talk to me??
For love and honesty, I have to pay the fee??
Why you tell her I'm just your sister if you ain't tryna hit??
You told me I was the only one you was tryna get with...

That's some bulls**t.

I give love and I get back lies,
So I write this poem full of whos, whats, and whys..
Who's that girl you talked to so sweet??
What's so good about her that makes you wanna beat??
Why you lead me into this direction??
You told me you love me, I'll give you a correction...
You was just tryna hit..

That was all some bulls**t....

(by the way, you guys, I didn't let him "hit", thank God!!...)

2006-07-17 15:51:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes...(You MUST read them out loud)

1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum ***
5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

2006-07-17 15:36:05 · 16 answers · asked by Love My Soldier 3

2006-07-17 15:35:53 · 10 answers · asked by spongeboob 2

Willys cynical thought for the day;

I wasn't looking for 'wisdom' from a freaking T-shirt. I was checking out your hoots!

1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

2. All stressed out and no one to choke.

3. And your point is...

4. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

5. Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later.

6. You KNOW you want me.

7. Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...

8. Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.

9. I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

10. If ignorance is bliss you must be in heaven.

11. Listen Bucko; you clean weeds with a Hoe. Now you owe me $10 for reading my t*ts.

12, Wine me, dine me, 69 me.

13. Forget Subtlety F@CK ME NOW!

14. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

15. Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

16. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

17. I hate everybody, and you're next.

18. How can I miss you if you won't go away?

19. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

20. Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear

21. Please don't talk to my breasts. You won't be meeting them.

22. 51% love goddess...49% b*tch. Care to push your luck?

23. My body is my temple, now get on your knees and pray.

24. It's not the size that counts, it's...no, wait, size does count.

25. Message continued on back. On the back it says, NO you DUMMY I meant lay me on my back!

And this one I'm going to sell on Evilbay as a Tanktop for women; Let go of my ears, I know what the freak I am doing! That will be regular on the front & upside down on the back, for you know who to read! BWAAAAHAHAHA

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-17 15:33:01 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 15:28:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Someone said my poems are nice but kind of gloomy, but they don't understand that I was just venting and letting loose my feelings at that time.. here's one I wrote a long time ago, when I was a young fool in love, lol...

I didn't really like it but.. I hope you like!! (If you haven't seen my other poems, got to my Q&A and leave a comment on them for a chance at 10 pts..

What's this feeling in the pit of my stomach,
Only when I think about you?
You brighten up my day in a unique way,
It's just when I think about you..
Lovesick with butterflies,
Only when I think of you,
Hit with the laughter in your eyes,
It only happens when I think about you
You're like a brother, father, good friend
Just keeping smiling, it won't end..
I met you last week and I feel this way
Pulsing through my mind, all day
Baby, you're always on my mind,
When I'm in trouble, you're my last lifeline
I'm always trying to make time,
To just sit and think abou you..

Good for a starter huh?

2006-07-17 15:28:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous