Just had to share this... if you can top it I'll give ya 10 big ones!?

Question

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

Answer 1

Hehehe. Here:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Answer 2

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leader, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.
"The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what hewants for the dog. The owner says "Ten dollars." The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?" The owner replies, "He's such a liar."

Answer 3

After re-evaluating the test results, the doctor figures out that the patient has either Alzheimer's or AIDS.

So he calls the patients wife in and tells her. As the Insurance will not cover a second round of tests, he advises her "Drive him out and leave him far away from home. If he finds his way back, don't F**k him"

Answer 4

5/10

Answer 5

I will top your joke with joke:

A man had tickets to Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Final right at center ice. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

"Well, actually," the man responds, "the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head, "No, no one. They're all at the funeral."

Answer 6

Sister= I found a pair of mens underpants in one of the dormitories.

99 Nuns= Oh No

1 Nun= He he he

Sister= I also found a condom

99 Nuns= Oh No

1 Nun= He he he

Sister= And it's been used

99 Nuns= Oh No

1 Nun= He he he

Sister= And there's a whole in it

99 Nuns= He he he

1 Nun= Oh No!

Answer 7

a man in new york city during the winter is standing on the curb trying to get a cab when a young woman walks up and calls on and almost instantainously gets one and offers to share it, the man eagerly agrees to get out of the cold. once inside they agree to share the bill. they drive for nearly 15 minutes when the man awaikens to find his face in the breasts of this woman and she is slapping him repeatedly, he appologises and explains that he is very tired and married to a wounderful woman...the woman looks as if she has figured something out but says nothing... another 10 minutes pass when the woman offers to go back to her place, being that she is a young beautiful woman (who though seems familiar) he agrees, they go to her place and he starts making out with her, after about 1 hour he explains that is was good meeting her and he must get back to his wife...the woman smiles again and he leaves... he stops by a restaraunt to get something to eat then heads home, once inside the man smiles smugly thinking that he got some from a beautiful woman and is about to get away with it when out steps his wife looking pissed, she asks what he has been doing all night when he replies "nothing" when the woman from the cab steps out and says "see there mom i told you dad is cheating on you" it was his step daughter to whom he hasnt seen for over 12 years...10 big ones please!!!

Answer 8

Nice.
A man goes to the doctor and complains he feels like a goat. The doctor asks him, "Well how long has this been occurring?" The man replies, "Ever since I was a kid!"

Answer 9

I like this one: there is a halloween party and this guy shows up at the door butt naked with a girl on his back. the host asked what are you supposed to be and he answers I am a snail. the host asks what is she supposed to be . He says , thats Michelle.

Answer 10

one day a girl with a gun stop a man an told him hey give me your wallet so the man reply i will give you my wallet if you give me your gun so the girl said ok here is my gun and the man gave her the wallet after the exchange done she look at the man and told him,o man you are so stupid and he said why so she told him there is not bullet in the gun and the man start to laugh and told her well you are more stupid then me cause there is no money in the wallet...:)