Ya Know You're a Drunkard When (Part. 17 of ?) If ya don't like Subject DO NOT O?

Question

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Give me freaking ambiguity or give me something else!

You recognize last call as a secret signal that all unattended drinks are fair game.

When someone says "expensive wine," you think "gallon jug."

You're not angry about the fly in your drink, you're angry he didn't chip in on the tab.

You've never taken a lesson, but after eight drinks you're pretty damn sure you can play the piano. And break dance, at the same time.

You hate it when your lightweight drinking buddies get so drunk you can barely see them.

You've put a dozen vampires into A.A.

You shake the same person's hand five times between last call and getting booted out.

You're entire life's savings equals a case a cheap beer and bottle of rotgut bourbon. And you're very excited by the fact.

You think Jim Beam is a utility company because it keeps shutting off your lights.

You never blackout. You just take a lot of "loud vertical naps."

You have never taken a drink of a non-alcoholic beverage without thinking, "Man, a splash of booze would fix this right up."

You've apologized to people you don't remember meeting for things you don't remember doing in places you don't remember going.

You think of plate glass windows as more suggestions than guidelines.

You can't walk a straight line unless the floor is moving.

You dressed as a wino for Halloween and no one noticed.

Half the bartenders in town know exactly which porch to leave you on.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

From; From; WILLYS JOKES 2/9/06 You Know You're a Drunkard When; Pt. 3 Final Best joke any freaking where bar (pun intended) none!

Answer 1

windandwater knows Willy. The whole bar says "Hi Willy" when Willy walks in.

Willy loses arguements with inanimate objects.

Willy has to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. :)

Willy's doctor finds traces of blood in his alcohol system.

The back of Willy's head keeps getting hit by the back of the toilet seat.

Willy sincerely believes alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

Willy says, "Two hands, one mouth...now, THAT'S a drinking problem"

Willy can focus better with only one eye. You should see Willy shoot pool. And miss.

Willy seems to think that the parking lot moved while he was in the bar. (Willy, it's right around the corner)

Willy named his twin sons....Barley and Hops.

Willy goes to an A.A. meeting and starts, "Hi, my name is....uh..."

Willy's idea of cutting back is using less salt.

Willy woke up in the bedroom, his underwear were in the bathroom. Willy fell asleep fully clothed. -....hmmmm.

Willy's job is interfering with his drinking.

Dinnertime? Willy says, "5 beers have just as many calories as one burger, screw dinner!"

Willy's career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

Willy knows this is not a coincidence - 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.

Hey Willy!! Are you listening to this??

Willy?? Willy!!

Damn, he passed out again. Guess it's time to take his underwear off........ :)
I shall proceed. Psst...Willy. OMG!! I always thought that was a myth.
Beware women, alcohol does affect the size, and we all know....Size does matter. :)

(Had a lot of fun with that ? ) Thanks Willy. It's closing time.

Answer 2

I love it!
You're like the next Jeff Foxworthy

Answer 3

your best thinking gets you a seat at AA.

Answer 4

ahahaha! the difference between comedy and tragedy in Russian drama is that in tragedy, everybody dies; but in comedy they die happy^^(p.s. emailsent)

keep it up^^ thanks for the laughs...lolz

Answer 5

lol