Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Please finish this sentence. I AM SOFA KING...............

2006-07-17 07:51:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 07:45:48 · 20 answers · asked by Good Knight 2

2006-07-17 07:36:35 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Cause there was a possum ont he other side heha.

2006-07-17 07:26:07 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

Think of the number 131 subract by 5 add 12 to the number then divide by 2 then what do you get

Its my favorite number
whoever gets it and the joke gets the ten points

2006-07-17 07:24:01 · 16 answers · asked by Mr. Boodle McNoodle 3

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
"I kicked her in the face."

2006-07-17 07:21:32 · 6 answers · asked by me4u769 1

god always come down to the earth every year to ask all the thing that live in this planet, this year he came and first he asked the trees " it is easy being trees", trees said yes, than god asked the same question to dick and dick said " it ain't easy being dick........., i've got a head that i can't think with.........., an eye that i can't see out of.............., i have to hang aroud with two nuts all the time.............., my closest neighbor is a real asshole.............., my best friend is pus*y and every time i get exited i always throw up!
god " wow! it really ain't easy being dick"

2006-07-17 07:10:56 · 43 answers · asked by Rian H 1

Do you have any funny jokes??? The shorter the better!

2006-07-17 07:08:53 · 19 answers · asked by A 3

2006-07-17 06:38:59 · 28 answers · asked by MICKFOLEY 2

Y DID THE PENNEY JUMP OFF THE BRIGE.

BECAUSE HE HAD NOT ENOUGH CENTS

IF U TELL ME MORE JOKES ILL VOTE U FOR BEST ANSWER

2006-07-17 06:18:02 · 13 answers · asked by lizzythelizzerdwhosucksmygizzard 2

i really need to laugh. make it def comedy jam funny.

2006-07-17 06:12:04 · 10 answers · asked by nikki -nicole 3

there were two men hunting one day and it was really foggy and one man got shot in the leg. so the other man called 911. and said me and my friend were hunting and he got shot in the leg what should i do. and the lady said 1st you need to make sure his dead. the man said okay then the lady heard three gun shots then the man got back on the phone then said know what.

2006-07-17 06:07:32 · 36 answers · asked by Jessica K 1

2006-07-17 05:58:57 · 19 answers · asked by Buster_Rhymez is Awsome! 1

A black man wearing dark clothing is walking along a country road near a dangerous curve. There are no street lights and there is no moon. A car comes around the curve without its headlights on and the driver stops in time from hitting the man. Why?

2006-07-17 05:56:58 · 17 answers · asked by Coo coo achoo 6

2006-07-17 05:54:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

TALKING DOG FOR SALE
A guy is driving around Tennessee, and he sees a sign in front of a
house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the
backyard.
The prospective buyer goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador
Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Why, yes, I do," replies the Lab.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk
When I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting
from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world
leaders. I mean, let's be honest-no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable assets for eight years running." "But, all that jetting around really tired me out. Plus, I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport doing some undercover security work.
I did, in fact, uncover some incredible dealings and was awarded
numerous medals. I then got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is utterly amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how
much he is asking for the dog.
"Um, ten dollars, I guess," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? Really? Why, this dog is amazing. Why on earth are
you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that ****!"

2006-07-17 05:53:55 · 47 answers · asked by butterfliesRfree 7

Willys cynical thought for the day;

EVERYTHING that works is based on simplicity, Fender, Gretch, Gibson and every other, early, amp maker took 99% of their ideas from old (even then they were) RCA manuals. But now this freaking century it has become 'hip' to have the latest Bullshit. But to build the latest mousetrap first you need to see what was done before and only a fool would base his mousetrap on a goddamn nuclear bomb!

Hey I couldn't resist, I've always been from the 'less is more' school although I never graduated!

You need a cosigner to open a bar tab.

The monkey on your back is in rehab.

You know that, with a bouncer's assistance, man is capable of short-term flight.

You have recurring dream you're hired by the Guinness\Playboy Research foundation to prove twenty pints a day improves your sex life.

You often take your lover for romantic strolls among the picturesque aisles of liquor superstores.

You will eat a bug for a shot.

You know wine is mentioned in the Bible over 250 times. Perrier? Not once!

You have strained cigarette-butt infested beer through your teeth.

You consider 3.2 beers on Sunday as Uncle Sam's cruel taunt.

You can hear someone whisper "free beer" from three blocks away.

You know the heartbreak of watching the bartender dump the spill tray.

You call the bartending academy, inquiring as to what they do with their mistakes.

You refer to your refrigerator as "the stand-up beer cooler."

You give directions with liquor stores and bars the the major landmarks, i.e., "You'll pass Argonaut's Liquors on the left and Scooter's on the right, then turn right on the street between the Satire Lounge and the Lion's Lair, then continue until you see the tree that looks like a huge martini glass."

You think vomiting is the body's way of making room for the next round.

The first thing you look for on a wine label is the alcohol content.

You consider Aqua Velvet a daring after-hours liqueur.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-17 05:47:25 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was walking in he woods, It was a great day. Suddenly, the man hears a rustling in the bushes. He peeks over the bush and sees a short man dressed all in green dancing around and singing. "Holy ****" the man says "That's a Leprechaun , I gotta grab him so I can get my three wishes." So the man pounces on the Leprechaun and says "Gotcha, now give me my wishes!! I want Cindy Crawford in my bed every morning, A million dollars given to me everyday for the rest of my life, and immortality."

The Leprechaun says "Ah, Those are some hard wishes, for me to grant them I'll need you to let me bone you up the ***!!!" The man thinks for a second and says "All right, I'll do it for those things" SO the Leprechaun mounts him and starts going to town. The man says, "I can't believe I'm doing this." The Leprechaun says, "I can't believe it either" The man replies, "You can't believe I'm actually letting you bone me too huh?" "Not exactly," The Leprechaun says, "I just can't believe you really think I'm a Leprechaun!!!"

2006-07-17 05:41:10 · 14 answers · asked by DiamondXxx 6

I start this; a couple in bedroom.
the phone rang up.
angry husband attend the call, listens awhile and bursts out " why asking me? check it with weather dept.
wife asked what..
hus ; a fool asking " is the coast is clear? May I come now?"

2006-07-17 05:17:28 · 15 answers · asked by warray 1

we all know what the front side looks like a yellow ball with a smile
whats the other side look like?

2006-07-17 05:15:05 · 10 answers · asked by BigBadWolf 6

2006-07-17 05:12:06 · 55 answers · asked by Anonymous

I think ONE of the funniest things on there I scaring ppl from their sleep!! lol

2006-07-17 05:11:39 · 4 answers · asked by minimouse 2

my id is hi22.diya@gmail.com

2006-07-17 05:08:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 05:08:18 · 4 answers · asked by Coo coo achoo 6

the pope goes, you know, and he forgets to flush, and the janitors or whoever find it, do they say "HOLY SH*T!"......?

2006-07-17 05:07:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 04:55:43 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 04:50:55 · 22 answers · asked by LetMEtell&AskYOU 5

2006-07-17 04:40:52 · 49 answers · asked by Sbunch 1

Nothing theyre both orange except for the banana.

2006-07-17 04:30:23 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my sister's best-friend's aunt's sister who married only once's mother-in-law's only child's daughter's cousin's best friend's only sibling's bestfriend

2006-07-17 04:24:01 · 14 answers · asked by durba_purba 1